Now to figure out how the fuck to fix what I broke in her. Seeing her today...fuck, I hurt her more than I ever thought possible. Her eyes were just dead as she looked at me, and I wanted so badly to scoop her up into my arms and tell her everything would be okay. But it’s not. It’s not fucking okay, and I don’t know how I’ll come back from this.
If she was different, I would have told her to suck it up, this shit is part of our world, but knowing what I had before and lost, I don’t want to go through that again. Can I be loyal? That’s the biggest question of the fucking night, can I truly not stick my dick in anyone else except for Justine?
Knocking comes to my office door and Rage steps in. “Penny finished cleaning your room, all traces of Shannan are gone.”
I nod, not knowing what he wants me to say. “Thanks,” I finally reply.
“Yeah, Pres, know this shit is still fresh, but if you want to win Justine back you might want to give her some space, she doesn’t seem like the type of bitch who would put up with you straying.”
This coming from Rage is a fucking joke, what does he know about being faithful? “You don’t know shit.” His ex-wife Megan, fuck, he not only shared her with all the brothers here, but slept with everything that moved and has at least four kids with four different women.
“Know I want Jennifer; know she won’t have me if I keep sticking my dick in everything. You’ve already seen me over the last few months, have I stuck my cock in strange? Besides the occasional blow job?”
Thinking on it, he’s right. Well, fuck. If someone like Rage can change maybe there is hope for my old ass after all.
My phone chimes and I see it’s a text from Melissa, and all it is, is a middle-finger emoji. Fuck, every woman in my life is pissed at me right now. “I even have my kid pissed at me. This is a clusterfuck. I should have dealt with Shannan before now. Got rid of her the first time she opened her mouth.”
“Well, that’s also partly your fault. No matter how many times Gunner or I spoke to her also, you kept fucking her. She might have been alone in her delusion that she was yours, but you led the girl on. We also need to have a meeting with all the club girls. Jennifer is saying quite a few of them are getting mouthy. Shannan was the ringleader with that shit, saying she was claimed by you. With her gone, you might want to sit down with the bitches and talk about what happened and how Jennifer is their boss. Maybe give Jennifer more freedom to fire and hire, too.”
Fuck, what a goddamned mess.
“Get them gathered for an hour from now, close down the bars and clubs and I’ll get over to the apartments for a meet.”
“You got it, Pres.” Rage goes to walk out and turns to me at the door. “Times are changing, and this change could be a good thing.” Fuck, when did we get so fucking pussy-whipped?
Chapter Forty-six
Justine
Curled up in my bed, I don’t bother getting up to answer my front door, that’s been banged on for the last twenty minutes. Whoever it is can either come in with a key, and if they don’t have a key, they can fuck off.
Now they are ringing the bell. “For fuck’s sake, people. Can’t someone wallow in self-pity alone?” I grumble as I get out of bed and open the door.
In my face is Melissa and another girl I haven’t met yet. “Um, hi?”
Melissa gives me a sad smile. “I know you probably don’t want company, but I’ll be damned if I let you go through this alone. This, here, is Anara she’s Dirty’s woman.” Ah, finally a face to the name. I give her a smile and open the door wider, inviting them in.
“What’s with the boxes?” Anara asks, sounding horrified.
“Oh, I was supposed to move in with Carson next weekend, but, obviously, that’s not happening now.” That’s never gonna happen more like. Why would I move into someone’s house when we’re no longer together?
Anara gives me a sad smile that matches Melissa’s and they both crowd me, hugging me in some weird group hug. And while I appreciate it, I’m just not the hugging type. Removing myself from their grasps, I step back.
“It’s fine, I’m just glad I never called a realtor to list my place because then I’d be really fucked.”
“I think my dad is going to surprise you, Justine. Yeah, he messed-up, and it’s a mess-up I wouldn’t even be able to get over, but he feels shitty. I’ve never seen him like this in my life.”
“And I’ve known Hangman longer than Melissa has and have to say the same. Dirty tells me he’s throwing shit throughout the clubhouse and is even bitching at everyone that comes into contact with him.”
I shrug, not wanting to hear this, “That’s fine and all, but if you are going to be here, we’re not talking about Carson “Hangman” Lewis,” I state firmly.
“Got it, well, you know what they say when you have a broken heart?” Melissa says, digging through the bags I just realized she brought with her. “You get so drunk you forget your own name.”
“Strippers!” I blurt out. “We should get strippers.”
Melissa laughs. “Slammer would strangle me.”
“Dirty, too,” Anara giggles.
“Well, damn. That, for me, would be the best thing to get over a relationship,” I grumble, as I throw myself into my seat.
“We’ll get strippers for your bachelorette party.”
“Wait, who said anything about that? Right now, I have no plans on marrying anyone.”
Melissa shrugs. “Never know where life will take you.”
“If Slammer cheated on you, would you stay?”
“Fuck, no, I went through some shit with my ex before Slammer, and that is a line that no one will cross.”
“Good, and you Anara?”
“Never, I knew who Dirty was when I met him, total player, and it took us a long time to get to where we are now.”
“I’ll have you know, even though I’m not supposed to repeat what happens at the club, that both your men are pretty much choir boys now. Slammer doesn’t show interest at all, but Dirty likes the girls to hang off him while he’s there. No one cheats, so you’re lucky. I’m not, I was with a man for, what, six months? Almost six months? And the whole time he was getting his rocks off with someone else. Even after knowing how I felt about cheating, about what my mother did to my father. I won’t do it. Stop trying to get me to forgive Hangman, it’s not happening.”
Anara twitched when I said that about Dirty. I know I would hate it, too, but at least she knows he’s not actually cheating. I know her and Dirty only got together officially maybe a month before Hangman and I started together. And Melissa has expressed it’s a tense relationship because she doesn’t exactly trust Dirty a whole hell of a lot. And I don’t blame her. not in the least.
“Alright, since you aren’t leaving, we’re gonna have some rules. We’re getting wasted beyond recognition, call your men, and tell them they either let you sleep over or they DD. Second, no more talk about the men in our lives. Tonight, is for us.”
“Hear, hear!” Melissa shouts and Anara laughs.
Drinks poured, we start up the music and just be.