My fingers knot tighter into Doe’s fur, and I find myself leaning over her, curling my other arm around her strong body and holding her tight. “Did you hear that?” I whisper, my tone hitching up with hope while feeling like an idiot for talking to the wolf as though she can understand my every word. “Dill is going to be okay.”
Doe raises her head just enough to rub her face past mine, and a wave of warmth washes through me at her understanding and affection. She doesn’t linger or even meet my eye before dropping back into my lap and putting an abrupt end to our short conversation. But what can I say? Doe is a woman of few words, and I shouldn’t expect anything else.
Letting out a sigh, I straighten in my seat and let my head fall back, allowing my eyes to flutter closed. It’s been a hellish few days, and I should really use these next few hours to get some sleep, but the moment my eyelids close and block out the car around me, the haunting images of delivering Roman’s baby boy materialize in my mind.
My eyes spring open as the slightest gasp escapes me. I can’t help but glance up only to find Roman’s lethal stare meeting mine through the rearview mirror. I immediately look away, unable to handle the weight of his disapproval.
“What’s wrong?” Levi questions, glancing down at me through narrowed eyes.
Pain rests heavily in my chest as I stare out the side window, watching the endless expanse of desert. My shoulders droop and helplessness comes over me. “Can’t sleep,” I tell him. “Every time I close my eyes, I see it. It’s like a fucked-up movie playing on repeat in my head and I can’t make it stop.”
I see him nodding out of my peripheral as he reaches out and takes my hand in his. “Would it help to know that at some point, each of us have been held captive?” he questions. “You’re not alone in this, Shayne. Each of those terrible things you witnessed or had to do, we’ve done them too. We know how it feels, what you’re going through, and what it’s like fearing that you might never live to see another sunrise.”
My head whips toward him before quickly glancing into the front seats. Neither Marcus or Roman turn back, but I sense them listening. “You’ve been taken?”
Levi nods and I feel him holding onto my hand just a little bit tighter. “I was sixteen. I’d just slaughtered the nephew of one of the world’s richest men and he didn’t appreciate it much.”
“No shit,” I mutter, turning my gaze toward the front seat to find Marcus twisting in his seat to watch me without having to strain his neck. “What about you?”
“Twenty-two,” he tells me, his lips twisting into an amused smirk. “Fucked the wrong man’s wife.”
A smile pulls at the corners of my mouth and something lightens in my chest, as though whatever is keeping me bound so tight is starting to fray and ease. “Why am I not surprised?”
Marcus’ dark, obsidian eyes glisten with laughter. “It wasn’t the best experience of my life, and if she wasn’t so good in bed, I would have been really fucking pissed.”
“I bet you never saw her again.”
Marcus laughs as the dusty desert track slowly turns into an old, broken-down road that looks as though it hasn’t been tended to in years. “On the contrary,” he tells me. “Just out of spite of that old fucker, I screwed her brains out for another three months. I would have kept going, but the asshole found the wrong end of some loser’s gun. It wasn’t much fun after that.”
I shake my head before cutting my gaze across to Roman, though the hard set of his jaw and his whitening knuckles on the steering wheel suggests that asking about his time held captive isn’t something he’s willing to talk about.
“Look,” Marcus says, the contrast in his tone from just a moment ago sending a wave of unease through me. “I know you probably don’t want to talk about this and that it’s going to stir up some old wounds, but we need to revisit your tracking device. You have a target on your back, and now that you’ve escaped our father’s clutches, he’s going to be pissed. I won’t risk you being taken again and us not knowing how to get to you. Four days is unacceptable.”
“I know,” I murmur. “You can put it back in.”
“Wait,” he says, his brows furrowing as he pauses, almost as though he’s repeating my words over in his head. “You agree with me? After what happened with Roman and Levi and you tearing it out, I was ready for a whole fucking argument.”
“How could I not agree with you? If I had that stupid thing in my arm, you guys would have caught up to us the moment we got here...” I imagine what would have been different had they tracked me to the cabin right away. The boys could have found us here, gotten help for Felicity before it was too late, saved Ariana from being abused and sold. Roman would still have his girl and his baby in his arms right now if it weren't for my reckless mistakes. When I see Roman's eyes in the rearview again, it's clear that he knows exactly what I'm thinking. He's probably thought the same things since finding Felicity dead. It's all my fault. Breaking away, I glance down at my hands. “What I went through there … I can’t risk that happening again. I won’t.”
Marcus’ eyes gleam with relief, and it makes me realize just how worried he’s been about the topic, though I don’t know why. Had I disagreed, I’m sure they would have found another way to get a tracker on me. “What about contraceptives?” Levi questions. “Will you allow us to insert a fresh one? I know you felt railroaded with the last one, and I don’t want you to feel as though we’re taking away your choice. It’s your body, I want you to do what you’re comfortable with, but I also think it’s a smart decision to ensure you’re protected against any unplanned pregnancies, at least … until you’re ready.”
Biting down on my lip, my gaze falls to the angry red scar on my arm as I let out a heavy sigh. An unplanned pregnancy really would fuck with my vibe right now. There’s too much going on in my life to have to worry about that. The responsible thing to do would be to protect myself. “Okay,” I finally say, glancing back up at him. “But I won’t have any of you digging into my skin. I want a doctor. A real doctor,” I quickly add. “Not some asshole who’s on your father’s payroll and who will get killed at the end of the appointment.”
Levi meets Roman’s heavy stare through the rearview mirror, and after a painful silence, he finally nods. “Fine,” Roman says. “But one of us will be present during your appointment.”
I arch a brow, irritation bubbling to the surface. “Are you kidding me?” I scoff. “After all this time, you don’t trust me to sit through one measly doctor appointment and keep my mouth shut?”
His dark stare keeps me hostage, and the longer he holds it, the faster my heart beats. “It’s not you I don’t trust,” he finally spits.
Ahhhh, the doctor. I guess that makes sense.
Unable to handle his intensity, I let out a breath and drop my gaze back to the wolf in my lap when Levi’s thumb rubs over the back of my knuckles. “This appointment,” he starts. “Did you want me to book you for a thorough examination?”