Reaching into the trunk, Roman scoops his mother into his capable arms as Marcus grabs the three shovels stashed in the back. Together, we walk as one to the very top of the green hill, and I smile as I find the grass littered with little white and yellow flowers.
Looking out from the top of the hill is a scene that takes my breath away. The sky is a rich blue with not a cloud in sight, and the late morning sun shines down upon us. The breeze flowing in from the ocean brushes against my skin, blowing my hair back off my face. I can only imagine just how beautiful the horizon would be at sunset. The boys really have chosen an amazing resting place for their mother. She’ll be happy here.
The boys get busy digging a deep hole as I drop down in the long grass beside their mother. “I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to see the incredible men your three boys have turned into,” I tell her as I straighten her dress and fix her hair, making sure it’s perfect, the way any Mafia wife would have wanted to be presented. “You would have been so proud of them. Though perhaps you’ve been watching over them all this time and already know just how amazing they are.”
I like to think that on some level, she can hear me, but I’m not completely insane. Not yet at least.
Glancing down at her one last time, I fix the blanket around her before stepping away.
One by one, the boys take a break from digging and sit with their mother, telling her about their life, telling her the things that no mother should ever have to be burdened with, telling her how desperately they wish she had been able to stick around, how badly they needed her.
Each word that tears out of their souls kills me, but I keep my gaze on the water below, offering them what little privacy I can, until finally, the hole is as deep as it’s going to get and the boys are ready to say their last goodbye.
Marcus and Roman jump down into the bottom of the deep grave as Levi crouches beside his mother. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, his eyes softening with pain as he scoops her into his strong arms. “We should have done better by you. We’ll see you again Mother. I swear, we’ll make you proud.”
And with that, he lowers her body into his brothers’ arms to be laid into her final resting place. She’s covered up with the blanket, protecting her body the best way they can before Levi offers them a hand and pulls each of his brothers out of their mother’s grave.
A heavy silence settles over the hill, and even the soft whistle of the breeze seems to fade as the boys fill the grave one shovelful at a time. We each sit at the top of the hill, looking over the ocean as the sun sinks lower and lower until finally, it kisses the horizon, plunging the earth into vibrant shades of pink, orange, red, and yellow.
29
Roman
My hand balls into a fist as it hovers by Shayne’s bedroom door. I’ve come past here four fucking times already, and each time I’ve walked straight by, too fucking pussy to stop and say what I’ve been meaning to say for so damn long. Once those words come out of my mouth, there’s no taking them back.
Shayne has been a rock to me, though she wouldn’t know it. She’s kept me grounded and focused through all of this. She keeps me breathing. Without her, I would have gone off the rails. I owe my life to her. I would have run full steam ahead into a shitty situation and lost everything, but she helps me see the clear picture ahead. She’s been forcing me to live, not just sail on by without a fucking care in the world. I don’t know how, but she’s breathing life back into me, and in return, I’ve been a fucking prick.
I can’t handle it. Once I tell her that she’s somehow become my whole fucking world, she becomes an even bigger target with an even bigger chunk of my soul to destroy if she were to be taken away from me, just like every other woman I’ve allowed into my world.
It’s fucked up. Loving her means to keep her at an arm’s distance, but a woman like Shayne would never accept that. She’d tell me to shove my fucked-up need to keep her away straight up my ass and fuck off with it. What can I say? The girl has a way with words.
My hand falls away and I mentally berate myself for being such a soft cunt. Shayne would never back down like that. She’d grab the fucking bull by the horns and force him to listen to her. She’s a stubborn spitfire like that.
Soft murmurs come from within the room, and instead of pulling away, I find my hand coming straight back up. The door isn’t closed properly so I give it a gentle push, sending it gliding across the top of the plush carpet.
My brothers lounge back in her bed, Levi sprawled across the end while Marcus lays on the opposite side, his hand braced behind his head. Shayne sits cross-legged beside him, and her gaze immediately snaps up to mine. Suspicion rises in my chest, but as I take in the scene a second longer, I realize that no one’s been getting their rocks off in here, at least, not yet. There’s no telling with Shayne. My brothers are hornbags and she’s generally down for anything they throw out there.
Not going to lie, I’ve never been so fucking jealous. Every night I hear them fucking her like they can’t breathe without her, but little do they know, the sound of her whimpers, gasps, and pleasured groans have me crippled, gasping for air. Every. Fucking. Night.
I’ve been lucky enough that she’s allowed me close, allowed me to touch her just long enough to keep the blood pumping through my veins, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be without her any longer.
It’s been a few days since we sat up on that hill, saying our final goodbyes to our mother, and there’s been a big gaping hole in my chest ever since, and while my brothers see straight past it, Shayne hasn’t. She sees me like no one ever has before.
Her eyes linger on mine and without a single word spoken between us, she knows why I’m here. She scoots across her bed moving closer to Marcus, placing her hand down in her vacated space and silently inviting me over.
I can’t fucking resist.
I push in past her bedroom door and my brother’s murmured scoff sounds through the room. “Look who finally made it past the door,” Levi grumbles, not bothering to look back over his shoulder.
Irritation stirs in me as I keep walking, but when Marcus’ gaze lifts to mine, my hand immediately begins reaching for the switchblade in my pocket. “What was that?” he questions, a smirk resting on his lips. “Your fifth attempt?”
The blade flies from my fingers, plunging deep into the pillow beside his face, making Shayne gasp in surprise. “Come and say that to my face,” I warn him.
Marcus goes to make a move, not one to back down from a fight, but Shayne puts her hand on his hip, keeping him grounded. “Knock it off,” she mutters, slicing a hard stare toward Marcus. “This is my safe space. There’s none of that bullshit going down here. Is that understood?”
Marcus rolls his eyes and settles back into his position beside her as he yanks my knife out of the soft pillow and makes a show of sliding it into his pocket, warning me that I’ll never see that particular blade again, but as Shayne’s eyes come back to mine, I couldn’t care less.
My brothers talk quietly between themselves, but it’s clear that Shayne has absolutely no interest in whatever the hell they’re talking about, her attention is all mine. I stride up toward the side of her bed, and don’t fucking hold back. I’m done with that shit. What’s the point of denying what’s so clearly in front of my face?