“I think she irritates me so much because I feel like I’m disappointing her each time she calls.”
I nod in agreement. “I want to find them so we can give her some peace.”
“We will. You never know what you lose that will come back.” Nina’s eyes are studying mine. “You know, lost things tend to find their owner.”
“Why do I think we’re not talking about the chairs anymore?”
“Oh, I don’t know why you’d think that. Did something recently return to you that was gone?”
I’m not ready to talk about last night. I’m too emotional and raw to actually be able to describe what I’m feeling aloud.
In my head, I’m battling whether I’m being irrational or not. Derek and I were kids to some extent and we made choices we thought were right. It’s not even so much that he basically cut me off, it’s the reason. I didn’t do anything wrong, and now I know that it was something he did—or wrote—that caused it.
Yet he never talked to me. He didn’t tell me he felt anything more than friendship. Neither did I, but he was engaged.
And I was pregnant with another man’s baby. There wasn’t exactly some prime opportunity to confess my undying love. It all could’ve been so different for us. For everyone, really. Had we just talked to each other, we might’ve found a way.
Nina clears her throat, apparently wanting an answer.
The bell above the door rings and I smirk. “Saved by the bell.”
Nina eyes me. We both know better. She’s like a dog with a bone when there’s information she wants. There’s no way she’ll let this go just because a customer is here. Then, her grin looks like it could split her face. “Sure. Something like that.” Then she turns back toward the door. “Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. If it isn’t Derek Hartz.”
Chapter Fifteen
Derek
Present
I’m not sure why I’m here, I just knew that I needed to talk to her. We’re going to be in the same town and I don’t want it to be uncomfortable for everyone.
Also, I hate that I hurt her.
The look on her face lets me know I’ve managed to do it again by showing up.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice is full of venom as she glares at me.
Nina slaps her arm. “Stop it. He’s welcome here. It’s good to see you, Derek, or should I call you Dr. Hartz?”
I always liked Nina. She was kind and would do anything to help someone in trouble. It’s good to see she and Teagan are friends.
“Don’t you dare call me doctor anything.” I pull her in for a hug as Teagan glares at me. “It’s good to see you too.”
“I heard about your wife, I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“How are you holding up?”
There’s the honest answer and then the one that everyone wants to hear. I’m sure I could tell her how I’m falling apart, not only because I do miss Meghan, but because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to be a dad without her. She was the one who told me to go talk to Everly or pick up things. I was…an accessory to parenting. Now, I’m everything.
I don’t know how often I need to take Everly for a haircut or if she should be shaving her legs. I really pray that’s already taken care of and I don’t have to think about it.
Then I wonder about all the girl shit that I know absolutely nothing about.
So, I’m not holding up anything but a prayer because I’m hopeless.
“I’m doing the best I can,” I say with a sad smile. This answer is really all anyone wants to know. “It’s been an adjustment, to say the least.”
“I would assume so. How’s your father? Your mother, bless her heart, told me he was having a bit of trouble lately.”
It’s hard to talk about. My father has always been a hero to me. He was strong, smart, able to make things happen without looking like he tried. When my mother called to tell me that he was forgetting things, I thought it was because he’s getting old, but it’s more than that and I’m struggling to cope with it.
“He’s doing the best he can.”
Teagan takes a step closer. “Your dad is loved in this town.”
I nod. “He’ll be okay. I’m here to take some of the pressure off of him, which I think will help.”
Nina touches my arm. “Anything that you need, just ask. This town may be full of loony people, but we all care when one of our own needs some help.”
Teagan scoffs. “Right.”
“Oh, you stop it,” Nina scolds her with a wave of her hand. “I’m going to head into the back and see about some of the new stuff that was brought in. It’s like Christmas each time Mrs. Berkeley goes on a road show trip. She comes back with a crate, we open it up and see what she thought was a good find.”
“I’ll have to take your word on it.”
“I’ve got that.” Teagan jumps in. “I’ll go back there and handle it, you and Derek catch up. You know how much I love the crate opening.”
From the sound of her voice, she’s full of shit. What she would love is to get away from me.
She starts to move but Nina shifts around her. “No, no, we both know he’s not here for me. I’ll go, you guys…you know…be adults here and work your shit out.”
Teagan hisses at her, but I can’t understand what she’s saying.
Nina, who is always polite, throws me a smile and then kisses Teagan’s cheek before exiting. “It was great seeing you, Derek. Be sure to stop by again.”
“Thanks.”
After a few seconds of silence, Teagan’s shoulders slump. “What are you doing here, Derek?”
“I came to talk.”
“Then talk.”
The whole point to this unexpected visit is to lay out what happened better, but now that we’re here, looking at each other, I don’t know what to say.
How do I explain that my feelings for her were so deep I contemplated how to leave my pregnant wife? I don’t know if I ever would’ve left, but I know I had to walk away from Teagan to make sure I didn’t hurt everyone involved. It was the only way to save my marriage and even give Teagan a chance at a life that I couldn’t give her.
The thing is, even after all the time that’s passed, I still love her.
I’ve always loved her. From the first time we met on that beach after she tutored me when I was barely sixteen, I knew my life would forever be altered by Teagan Berkeley.
She had this light inside of her that cast a glow around you. You couldn’t help but want to bask in it, and when I was with her, I did.
It wasn’t just that she was beautiful, it was also how she made me feel when I was around her. Once she let me in, I never wanted out.
Now I’ve injured her, and I want to make it right.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I appreciate that wasn’t your intention, but it doesn’t change the fact that you did.”
There’s one part of this that has been bugging me…why did she walk away on the beach last night? Was it because Meghan asked that I stop seeing her? Or was it because I chose my wife? If I’m honest, I suspect it was my confession that I fell in love with her that made Teagan walk away.