I laugh when he gets frustrated because it’s the same part I’ve shown him twice, but he keeps trying.
“What if you try it like this?” I spin the paper around and show him how to draw it out. “Does that help?”
“That actually does.”
I smile. “Good. I’m glad. It’s really easy once you get the right order. Is there anything else I can help with?”
“You know, when you’re not around the two super-bitches, you’re not all that bad.”
“What?”
Derek shrugs. “Bitch one and Bitch two. You know, the ones who seem to think they’re perfection walking.”
“Lori and Kelly aren’t bad.”
His brow raises. “They’re beyond bad, and you know it.”
Okay, maybe I do. “Still, they’re my friends.”
“Lucky you.” He chuckles.
“Next you’re going to insult my boyfriend, huh?”
Derek laughs, his head falling back, and I can’t help but think how free he looks. I don’t laugh like that. I can’t let it fly and not worry that someone might see me. I don’t ever feel comfortable enough around people to not have to keep some sort of control because people are always waiting to see me fall.
Other girls want it more than anything. To see the queen bee fall from grace.
The guys want it to either date me or take something away from Keith.
If I could be invisible or part of the background, no one would care.
I glance around the room, looking at everyone going about their lives, not watching him, and jealousy rears its ugly head.
“I could never insult Keith. He’s…a god amongst men. I would be shunned, hung in the town square, beaten for speaking out against the king.”
“Just a little dramatic?”
“That’s what this town thinks.”
I lean back in my seat. “And you don’t?”
“Hell no. He’s a dickhead. Who cares that he’s great in football? Not me.”
“Well, a lot of people do,” I challenge him.
“Good for them. I’d be impressed if he used his time to do anything good for anyone but himself.”
“And what do you do, since you’re all about putting everyone else down? I don’t see you out there saving the world.”
Derek leans forward, arms on the table, his face is closer, and I wonder if he knows that he’s really cute. His eyes are a deep blue. They have tiny flecks of green, though. His hair is cut short, and his smile is warm. Did I seriously just think he was cute?
“That’s because you’re not looking. I help people, animals, and I use my time to better the world. I don’t care that people, like you and your idiot friends, think I’m weird. I’d rather be weird and make a difference than fit in and believe I’m better than anyone else. Because you’re not…and neither are your friends.”
The words slap me in the face. “I don’t think I’m better than anyone.”
If he only knew what I really thought of myself. How much I hate everything. I don’t understand why people talk to me when I feel so unworthy. I hate that I have to treat people a certain way or I’ll end up being attacked by people meant to be my friends. All I want is to get out of this town and start over.
“Then prove it. Come to my house tomorrow and help volunteer.”
“With you?”
“Got other plans?”
No, but…I don’t get why he’s asking me. We’re not friends. Hell, I don’t even think he likes me at all. There’s a challenge though. I say I want to start over, be someone else, and right now Derek Hartz is offering me a small opening.
“Do you want me to come?”
“Do you want to?”
I might beat him with a stick though. Maybe this isn’t the fresh start I was hoping for. “Are you trying to be obtuse on purpose?”
“Do you always answer a question with a question?”
I chew on my thumbnail and glare at him as I wrestle with the decision. I never back down, but at the same time, Derek isn’t exactly the kind of person I would normally hang out with. Although, this is volunteering and not really a social thing.
Ugh. Why is this so hard?
He taps his fingers on the table and I sigh. “Fine. I’ll be there.”
He smirks. “Good, but don’t think this means we’re friends or that I’m going to want to talk to you outside of helping others.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Don’t you know, everyone ends up loving me.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”
Chapter Four
Teagan
Present
“What do you mean Derek is back?” Nina asks as she sips her coffee.
“Just what I said. I don’t know when or how. Last night, Chastity said a girl named Everly Hartz was giving her a hard time. Derek is an only child, and his mother has mentioned her granddaughter with that name in passing, so it would only make sense that he’s here.”
“And you didn’t hear from him?”
If I did, I wouldn’t be freaking out right now. “Nope. Do you think maybe it’s just his daughter that’s here? Like, maybe she came to live with his parents or visit for a while?”
She shrugs. “I don’t know, I haven’t heard a word about him in years. I know his parents went down to South Carolina for a visit recently, but that’s all anyone has said. You know how they are, very quiet and don’t like the rumor mill, which means we know nothing.”
Nina has her ears to the ground for all the gossip. If she knew, she’d tell me. She’s also the only person who knows I was desperately in love with him. To everyone else, we were simply best friends. Two crazy kids who clicked one day and never looked back.
I fell in love with him before the end of our senior year, and it never stopped. Just the idea of being near him makes my heart pound so hard in my chest I worry I’ll bruise.
“I can’t see him,” I say as I pace around.
“You won’t have a choice if he’s really here.”
My shoulders drop as I turn to look at her.
“What?” She raises her hands. “I’m just being honest, Tea.”
I know this, but still. “I’m saying that I can’t handle it. It’s been over thirteen years since we’ve spoken and the last time wasn’t pretty.”
Nina touches my arm. “You think after all this time it’ll still be awkward?”
I don’t think it’ll be awkward. I know it will be. If he wasn’t angry or hurt, he would’ve called or talked to me. Instead of pretending I no longer existed. It’s not easy to forget your best friend.
“Yes.”
“Why? It’s been so long, maybe it’ll be like falling into an old routine.”
“You can’t just…walk up to someone after that long…someone you loved more than anything and have it not be awkward.”
Nina sits in the chair beside me. “He doesn’t know you loved him.”
“Which makes it even worse.”
“Look, you don’t know that seeing him will be bad. It could be fine and you’ll smile, hug, and that’s that. Thirteen years is a lifetime to most people and it’s not like you still think about him that way, right?”