Bailey laughed. “Oh my God! She created these amazing cities and spent hours on those things. I hated when you got new Legos because I didn’t see you for days.”
Dev gazed at her suspiciously. “Is that why you always tried to destroy them?”
“Yeah, I missed you. I got bored.”
“That’s so messed up,” she said, but it had no sting. In fact, a tiny bit of pleasure snaked through her at the idea of her sister missing her.
“You craved organization. Probably why you chose a math and finance career. Your brain works differently from ours,” Pris said.
“But being happy shouldn’t be something you’re afraid of,” Bailey said. Her tone was soft and held no judgment. For the first time, Dev analyzed her reaction and her past. Is that why she always steered away from intimate relationships and made work her world? Even her friendships were controllable—a group she enjoyed seeing but didn’t have to invest too much in.
Had she always been like this, or had something changed her? She remembered being devastated by the divorce and feeling betrayed by her father’s cheating. It had really seemed he’d cheated on his family and not just Mom. When he remarried and had a child, she’d been sick with jealousy at being replaced. Had that screwed her up regarding relationships? God knows, she hated sitting too long with her thoughts and trying to do self-therapy. But it might be time to dig a bit more, and her sisters would be the safest place to start.
It was something worth thinking about.
“Is anyone else thinking of the letter Mom wrote?” Pris asked quietly. “I can’t get it off my mind.”
The shopping had distracted her, but Dev had been sifting through her mother’s words too. It was as if she was meeting a different person, and she couldn’t tell if it was Mom’s youth, the excitement of being in Italy alone for the summer, or if R had truly been her soul mate. What did that make Dad? And why had Mom left R?
“She seemed so happy,” Bailey murmured. “I’ve never heard her talk like that before about anything.”
“Or anyone,” Dev finally said, trying to ignore the ache in her chest. “Maybe we should look for more hidden letters when we get home. Or a journal.”
“Good idea,” Pris said. “I feel like it brought me more questions than answers.”
“Me too,” Bailey said. “I keep thinking about that type of romantic love. It seemed so intense yet completely fulfilling.” A flash of yearning flickered over her face. “I always thought I’d experienced love until I read that letter. Now I’m wondering if I’ve just scratched the surface.”
“At least you’ve been in love before,” Dev said. She tried not to sound accusing, because she owned her choices and loved her career. “I can’t even relate.”
Suddenly, Pris pinned her with an intense gaze. “Are you happy, Dev? Really, truly happy?” Pris asked.
She jerked slightly and stared at her sisters. The question unsettled her. “Is anyone really happy?”
She held her breath, hoping they’d take her lead. Her sisters shared a glance and began laughing, and Dev relaxed. “Good point,” Bailey said, lifting her glass. “A toast. To . . . feeling good enough.”
Dev grinned and they clinked glasses. The waiter dropped off their lunch. The buffalo mozzarella was rich and creamy, setting off the tomato and basil salad fragrant with herbs. They dipped crusty bread in pungent olive oil and quickly finished half the loaf. Steamed mussels and clams held the salty tang of the ocean, which danced over her tongue. They ordered a bottle of Prosecco to share and spent the next hour eating and chatting about nonsense subjects while looking over the balcony at the spill of sea and cliff and sky.
Dev had forgotten how nice it was to be with family—the ones who knew every quirk and secret of her past. And even though it had been a long time, she began to fall into the ease of being with her sisters, the push/pull of teasing, affection, and shared memories. In her deepest heart, a flare of longing touched off, and she realized how much she had really missed them.
If only she could find a way to transcend the past for good. But it would mean opening up to the monsters in the closet and cleaning house. It would mean facing old emotions that she hated to revisit.
It would mean having a heart-to-heart with Bailey.
On cue, her sister gave a long sigh. “Do you think Mom sat here at this restaurant years ago? Maybe planning her future with R?”
Her nerve endings prickled, as if a new energy had drifted by, touching her as gently as a whisper. She imagined herself seated in the same exact place as her mother, full of hopes and dreams for an undeveloped story. Did Mom have regrets? Did she ever wonder if she chose the right path—especially if it was a choice between this R and her father? Mom never seemed the type of woman to question herself—she’d told her daughters on a regular basis how much she loved her life. But underneath, were there doubts slithering like snakes, and she’d shut them all away like the letters in the trunk?
Pris spoke up. “Mom fell in love here, but I’m sure it was a summer romance that eventually faded. I don’t think she would’ve married Dad if she was in love with someone else.”
“How do you know?” Bailey asked curiously. She propped her elbows on the table and laid her chin in cupped hands. “I guess I saw her so differently. I’d catch her, many times, staring out the window with this sad look on her face, like she’d spotted something she lost.”
Pris shook her head. “Because she used to tell me stories about her and Dad and how crazy they were for each other. Plus, she never got really mad at us, remember? All of my other friends used to hear their moms bitch about all the tasks they had to do and how much they hated it. Mom was always happy and involved. That proves she wasn’t living with regret for this guy who wrote her a few romantic letters.” Her jaw tightened in pure stubbornness. “And I don’t like the idea of us ruining her memory. She wouldn’t like it.”
“Then why do you want to pursue looking for R?” Dev asked.
“To prove everyone wrong.”
Dev wondered why her sister seemed the most passionate about defending Mom’s choices. Dev wasn’t as much on Bailey’s side, believing Mom had an affair while married to Dad, but she also didn’t believe Mom was a saint like Pris believed. Somehow, smack in the middle seemed more of a natural place. After all, Mom was only human.
“And if we find out differently?” Bailey asked. “Will you be okay?”
A short silence fell. Pris stared out at the cliffs, her eyes filled with a mix of emotions. “I don’t know,” she said slowly. “I just know we won’t.”
Bailey cocked her head. “Is there something else going on with you, Pris? Are you and Garrett okay? I know we’ve been selfish. I think Dev and I always assume you’re okay, but we’re here now. Ready to listen.”