A large stone column stood in front of her.
“That’s the trig point,” he said. “And that’s the Edale Valley.”
There were a handful of people. Some already perched on blankets, others huddled around, talking in muted tones. The air was fresh and clean, scented with cut grass, the sky clear.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “It’s beautiful.”
She looked up at him, and for a moment, there was a pull between them. The kind of moment you don’t want to look away from. One filled with possibilities, but where neither person makes the first move.
Luke cupped her face and rubbed his thumb along her cheek. “Watch it. Film it. Tell me you’re too cold, and we can go back down. Whatever you want to do. I’ll just set up the blanket over there.”
He tipped his chin in the direction of an open patch of ground.
Willow grabbed her camera, capturing the stones of the trig point and the rising sun. It would be pretty awesome to do a new dance routine she’d come up with, but it felt almost sacrilegious. Plus, a dance routine suddenly felt . . . childish. Pointless, perhaps. A dance routine served one purpose. To go viral. Make it cool enough and have enough people want to copy it. Suddenly, she couldn’t think of a good reason to actually keep making them.
The books she’d been reading all said one thing. Find a niche you’re passionate about and crush it. That applied to the content she wanted to create.
She glanced over at Luke who sat watching the sun rise, knees tucked up, arms draped over them, tapping a silent beat with the tips of his fingers into the air. He was in the moment, watching the ancient ritual of a solstice sunrise.
And for a reason she couldn’t explain, no amount of footage or images could quiet the inner monologue that she should just go sit with him.
When she sat, Luke grabbed her blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. “That was quick.”
“I got some stuff, but I think I’d prefer to simply watch it all unravel. The mystery of how the sun rises every morning.” She lowered her head onto his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her.
“It’s called Mam Tor, Mother Hill. I thought it was appropriate to watch it here, given the cyst and Cletus, the worry and stuff.”
As much as she didn’t want it to, his words thawed the rest of the ice around her heart. “That’s so thoughtful of you. I’m sorry I was grumpy when you woke me up.”
“I’m sorry,” Luke said finally. “For that first night we were together in Detroit. I feel shit about all those things we did, not knowing everything you’ve gone through. In the past, I mean. With that director.”
The thought that he could feel remorse for the best night in her life pained her. “I loved every single moment of it, Luke. Please, don’t be sorry. If anything, it helped heal a part of me. I worried that it had gotten to some subconscious layer and that’s why I’d never fully enjoyed sex. You proved that wrong.”
Silence settled between them as they watched the sky turn a blaze of orange and purple.
“How bad was it? What happened . . .”
“When he groomed me, it felt special, at first. I enjoyed the attention. I was a young girl with a need to please people. When he told me to do something, and I followed the instructions to the letter, everyone seemed to be happy with it. When he would discretely take me out of the sight of cast and crew for extra direction, I thought it was the most amazing thing. Until he started to put his hands on my body. It was innocuous, at first. He’d move my hand or widen my feet or twist my hips, as if helping me with my camera angle. But then, his hands started to remain. He’d cup my cheek when I’d done well. He’d leave a hand on my hip while crouched in front of me. He’d hold me and run his thumb over my skin.”
Willow shivered, feeling his invisible grip all over again.
“I want to break the fucker’s neck.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Men are assholes.”
“One day, instead of putting his hands on my hips, he cupped me. I was wearing this flowing party dress. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever worn. When he put his hands between my legs, I could feel his fingers pressing against me, and when he was done, he asked me to do the same to him. He told me he was going to pretend to act, and I had to move him into position the same way he had moved me. And there was that weird need to do what he said because I wanted him to be happy with me. I knew Dad would be mad if I got fired or something. So, I did it. But it felt awful that afternoon, and I had class and couldn’t concentrate. That’s why I talked to my teacher.”
“Thank God she saw sense.”
Willow nodded. “Yeah. She lost her job in the fallout, though, after Dad took a payout and an NDA.”
“So, you don’t have a lot of relationship history, then?”
“I had a boyfriend when I was nineteen, that lasted for a year. I thought he really loved me. And I thought I really loved him. But I found out while gathering all this information that my dad paid him off to leave me alone. And then, there was the guy, the one I made the video about that made you go viral?”
“An actor, right?”
“Ansel Dunn.” Embarrassment flooded her cheeks. “That was a deal my dad paid for. They knew. I didn’t.”
“Jesus Christ. What the fuck is in the water in California? What do you mean, deal?”
“For a fee, my dad introduced the two of us. Ansel came on sweet and charming. We became a darling couple and, yes, had sex, because I thought he had real feelings for me. Until he cheated on me with Amie Saint, the former porn star and lead singer of that punk band, Remedy.”
“Dick.” Luke turned his back on the sunrise to face her. “I still don’t get it, though. Why?”
“He was stuck in rom-com roles. Wanted to shift gears but was typecast. Not to be too crass about it, but he made out with the princess, then fucked her over with the bad bitch so he’d look less attractive to rom-com producers. Then, he buffed up, inked up, got a tongue piercing, and now he’s the action hero of some famous space alien trilogy.”
“Well, I have heard some stupid shit in my time, but that’s messed up. Have you thought about exposing him? Or the director? Or even your dad?”
“I have. I continue to grapple with it. Especially when that big movie producer was toppled recently and all his old sexual assaults on young actresses came to light The huge public scrutiny those women went through. I’m not sure I’m strong enough.”
Luke placed his hand over her shoulder. “I’m pretty certain you are a lot stronger than you think.”
And his words settled in her bones as she watched the sun turn the sky orange on the longest day of the year.
18
Luke lazily slid his arms further around Willow’s waist, pulling her tighter to his chest. He loved the feel of her, the softness of her skin, the musky warmth of her. When he woke like this, wrapped around her, he felt grounded.
Less panicked.
Thanks to the session he’d had with Neil three days earlier, he’d begun to realise that the tight ball that existed in his chest most of the time was anxiety.
When Neil had suggested he consider medication to bring it down, they’d debated the merits in his case. While he had no doubt they worked and were great for so many people, Luke had refused. Drugs were his nemesis. Substituting coke with something prescribed felt like switching one numbing agent for something else he’d need to quit later. And he needed to feel and face his demons to conquer them. He’d spent most of his life trying to bury them. Plus, the conversations were helping. This was the worst he’d ever be.