“Have you been using contraception?”
I shake my head. “No, I thought I was covered.”
“Before I can give it to you again, we’ll need to test.”
I check my watch. “I have to be back at work. Does it take long?”
She shakes her head and hands me a pot. “Not if you can pee now.”
“Sorry,” I puff, rushing up the court steps towards Grim and Mav, “I got held up.”
“Everything okay?” asks Grim, and I nod, forcing a smile.
Heading inside, we’re called straight before the judge, who happens to be Harry. I see in Grim’s face he’s pissed. He orders Grim to stand, which only aggravates him more, but I kick his ankle and give him a look that tells him to behave. This is normal court etiquette.
He stands, patiently listening while the judge berates him for his stupidity and lack of concern for the safety of other road users and pedestrians. He orders him to pay the court costs, a five hundred pound fine, and bans him from driving for two years.
I thank the judge as Grim storms out with Mav hot on his heels. I find them outside. “Two years!” repeats Grim in disbelief.
“It’s standard in most drunk driving cases.”
“It’s because he fucking likes you,” he snaps, “and I’m a biker. He was discriminating.”
“No, Grim. You were caught drunk driving. He was right—you could have killed someone, so you deserve the punishment. Take it like a man,” I snap, marching off.
He catches up to me and takes me by the arm. “What’s wrong?” I can’t tell him I’m fine because when he spins me to face him, tears are already filling my eyes. “Hads, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get mad,” he says, pulling me into his arms. “Thanks for being there today.”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt out against his chest. I know he’s heard me because I feel him tense. “Around four weeks.” I give him a second to process. “Say something.”
“I thought you were on contraception,” he mutters.
“Not that. Don’t say that.” I pull away. “Tell me you’re happy or angry or something, but don’t do the whole blame thing.”
“It’s hard not to, Hadley, when you told me you were sorted!”
“I missed my shot. It was an accident.”
“An accident is missing your dentist appointment or forgetting to buy bread.” I frown at his weird analogy. “It’s not missing your shot, the one thing stopping you getting pregnant and ruining what we have!”
“We could stand here and argue about this all day, but it doesn’t change anything. I last got the shot when I wasn’t having sex, and she changed it to an eight-week plan. I usually have twelve, so I forgot. I fucked up, I’m sorry, but I’m still pregnant and it still involves you.”
He stares at the ground with his hands on his hips, and I see the devastation on his face. He isn’t ready, I know he isn’t, and we’re so early in this relationship that the timing is completely wrong, but keeping it from him didn’t seem right either. And deep down, as scared as I am, I keep thinking that we made a baby and I can’t help but feel a small spark of love for the tiny little bean.
GRIM
She’s watching me, waiting for me to say it’s all going to be fine, but it isn’t. When Meli finds out about this, she’ll throw a fit. And I can’t blame her. This wasn’t part of my dream when I decided to be with Hadley. Kids? The thought makes me shudder. I glance back to check Mav hasn’t heard, but he’s talking into his mobile and walking down the courthouse steps in the direction of his bike. “We should go back to the club,” I mutter.
“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got?” she exclaims in disbelief.
“What the fuck do you want me to say?” I snap, causing her to take a step back, and I feel like a prick. “I just need a minute to process,” I add more calmly.
We get back to the club and Hadley goes straight to her room. I want to follow, my whole body pulls in her direction, but I can’t because my head isn’t in the right place, and I don’t want to be the reason she cries again.
I sit at the bar and ask Nelly for my usual, which she hands me with a smile. “You look like someone just stole your ice cream.”
“Bad day,” I mutter, draining the glass and holding it out for a refill.
“We all have those. Just remember there’s always someone worse off than you.”
“You reckon? Like who?”
Nelly shrugs. “Think about all the people who would have lost someone today or the people given terrible news like cancer prognosis and shit. Someone’s life ended today, but the world just keeps turning like it doesn’t matter.”
“That’s uplifting, thanks for the TED talk,” I joke, half laughing, then I sigh. “It’s hard to think about stuff like that when you feel shit though. I know people have it worse than me, but I’m still fucked off. Do you want kids, Nelly?”
She thinks for a minute. “I used to, but then I see what the world has become and I think it’s cruel.”
I laugh. “You are just a bundle of happiness today.”
“Sorry, I guess I’m having a bad day too. Look, whatever’s bothering you is not gonna get solved if you sit here drinking all night. I see far too many of you guys doing it. Go face the problem.”
I sigh, standing. “Fine, but if it all goes wrong, I’m blaming you.”
I find Hadley tapping away on her laptop. She ignores me when I enter the room, and continues to do so as I take off my boots and head for the shower. She’s still busy working when I return wrapped in a towel. “We’re like a married couple already,” I say, “ignoring each other because of an argument.”
“I’m not ignoring you—I’m busy.”
I kneel beside her on the bed and take the laptop away. She rolls her eyes. “You’re ignoring me.” I put my finger under her chin and tip her head back, forcing her to look at me. “I used to laugh at Mav when he’d be moody because Rylee wasn’t talking to him. I didn’t get the fuss. I used to tell him not to stress over it and to have a night out with the boys, but he wouldn’t. He’d sneak off to find her and beg her to forgive him, and I’d call him a pussy. But I get it now. I don’t like it. I don’t like that you’re mad at me, and I hate that I’ve upset you.”
“I’m not upset,” she whispers, her eyes watering. “I’m disappointed.”
I groan and fall beside her, holding a hand over my heart. “Oh god, that’s so much worse,” I say, and she laughs a little.
“I needed you today, and you were a dick.”
I roll onto my stomach and lay my head on her legs, looking up at her. “I’m sorry. I was shocked.”
“I’m sorry I just blurted it out like that.”
I run my fingers over her stomach. “I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it, but I’m gonna give it my best shot because . . . well, because I love you.”
She gives another watery smile, resting her hand on my cheek. “I love you too.”