“I’d like you to stay.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
“Come to bed with me?”
“But I thought you said…” She pauses.
“I did. I meant it. I still do. I will be the perfect gentleman. I promise.”
“Do you know how to?”
“Believe it or not, Petal, I do.”
Chapter 8
Nora
Staying too close to him for much longer would have led down a path I don’t think either one of us would have been ready for. I help him sit on the floor of the shower to let the water rain down on him in private. I think he needs a moment or two to feel his way through what he remembers and is trying to forget.
I find his robe on the back of the door and cover up with it. He needs to eat at this point, whether he wants to or not. I’m not the best cook, so opting for simple eggs and toast seems safe in all ways. His kitchen, in the daylight, is set up like a clock. The oven is the hub, and everything is in perfect order around it.
It takes me about ten minutes total to make our breakfast and let my study partner know I am going to bail on the day. I watch him through several layers of glass across the apartment. He stumbles from the shower, wrapped in a towel with his hair still dripping. The breeze is coming in as I cross back through the garden. It brings with it the smell of Tristan from his robe. I inhale the sweetest blend of sandalwood and spice.
I’ve noticed this scent before when we’ve gotten close, but this is very different. It’s blending with my skin. The essence has mixed with mine and sends a sexy sensation rolling through my body. I can’t let myself get carried away, no matter how much I’m being guided to do so.
When I reach his room, he’s finally lying across the base of the bed with his cell phone near his hand, just out of reach. The very plush towel, the one I must admit I am very jealous of, is wrapped low around his hips and his eyes are closed. After settling the tray of food on the bedside table, I kneel down beside him.
He looks much more peaceful now than he did all night long. I nearly hate to wake him. With a whisper, I say his name. “Tristan?” Slowly my fingers slide down his still damp spine.
“Hmm?” he mumbles.
“I made you something to eat. I do have coffee coming but I thought you should start with water. If you don’t feel like you can sit up, I’ll help prop you up.”
With only a single protest, he struggles his way back to his knees. The towel at his hips falls open slightly. The boxer briefs that were once there are clearly gone. I’m given a fleeting glimpse of what could have been, what could be. Even in the post drunken state he’s in, he’s clearly been chiseled by the gods in all ways.
I help him up to the top of the bed and draw the sheets down. There are a ton of pillows in here too. He must have a thing for them. His head rests back as his body melts into the gray silk. In the short time I’ve known him, he’s never looked more beautiful. But in the same breath, he’s never looked older.
I encourage him through one egg and one piece of toast when he begins to refuse. Before we get into an argument about it, he says something that takes my breath away. “Nora, I need you more than anything. Come lie beside me, please?”
“Need me?”
He stares into my soul without another word. His eyes say more than a monologue ever could. I can tell he is needing care and compassion. He’s seeking solace from the memories that are still plaguing him and the guilt he’s clearly going through.
I move the tray to the floor and gently crawl up beside him. He takes a deep breath as I settle into the pillow. We rest face-to-face. His eyes open for mere moments at a time then close again. When they are open, he attempts to focus on me. I feel like he wants to tell me something, but the pain is getting in the way.
“You don’t have to say anything. I’ll listen when you’re ready.”
I lost my mother. I never knew my father. Those losses didn’t hit me like what I see in him. I’ve never lost anyone close to me like that. I’ve been touched by loss but not the kind he’s experiencing. I still have Martin and Maria. I still have Lucas. Loss is extremely personal. It never looks the same twice, even within yourself. He responded to my touch in the shower. It seemed to help.
His eyelids fall heavily once more as he rolls to his back. Every once in a while, a muscle in him will twitch. First, it’s his neck, then his leg, and lastly, his fingers. They flex into the spaces between my fingers. My impulsivity wins again as I slide into the space between us, closing the gap on the bed until my head is on his chest this time.
Just when I think he’s asleep, his arms wrap tightly around me. His heated skin creates a blanket across my back with his hands. It feels like he wants me to melt into him in some way. His fingers begin a gentle dance in my hair. His breathing begins to slow into a melodic rhythm.
I begin a conversation with myself as I can feel my resolve slipping around him. I’ve kept him at arm’s length since we first met for any number of reasons. He’s often too cocky for his own good. He thinks he can have whatever he wants whenever he wants. I’m sure he can.
He does hold a sense of power. While that has an incredible appeal for me, it could mean so many different things if something were to go wrong. I don’t know truly what he wants from me. I know I don’t know exactly what I want from him. What I do know, is that at this moment, none of that matters.
I meant what I said before. I couldn’t have left him. I wouldn’t have, no matter what. I did and still do want to kiss him. What’s happened in the last twelve hours has only shown me that truth in more vivid color than I’ve ever seen.
Tristan
I can feel the natural light still cascading in over my body, but the sun is now behind my building. The afternoon shadows will start to linger on the ground outside in the Zen garden. My fingers flex over the thick white cotton beneath them. It’s that sensation and the synchronicity of our breathing that arouse my senses finally from my drunken slumber.
When my eyes open, I find Nora is still peaceful in my arms. Yet again, she didn’t leave. This incredibly beautiful woman, both inside and out, is more magnificent than I could have ever imagined. I don’t want to move too much for fear it will disturb her and break this moment. However, I want to explore her.
At a snail’s pace, I reach for her waves and run my fingers gingerly through them. As I get more comfortable in the fact she won’t wake, I use this opportunity as my confessional to her.
“Raissa was much younger than I was. We were nearly seven years apart in age. My parents were content with me being an only child until they found out she was on the way. From the moment that brown-haired lass entered this world. I was in love.
“She was my baby and my responsibility. I cared for her in every way as soon as I was allowed. When she began primary, I opted to be late for my school day to make sure she was settled first. If she was bullied, I handled it. If a boy broke her heart, I definitely handled that.
“I was in my first year of teaching in the States and trying to also complete a gallery show when we first learned she was sick. There were constant doctor appointments, several surgeries, treatment after treatment. Everything was always kept positive. I’d ask if I should come home. The answer was always no. Stay put. I’m fine.