“I’d give you an answer if I knew what the question was.”
“Will you commit to staying in my class and also serve as my teaching assistant? Nora, I’m the best. I won’t have you learning from anyone else. Consent. Please?”
She stares ahead and out the windshield, silently pondering over a response that I can only hope will be the one that I want it to be.
“I don’t want whatever is happening here to affect my schooling. I’ve waited a long time to get to this place and I’ve worked too hard to stay here. Can you promise me that? Can you promise that I won’t lose what I want to gain so badly?”
“Petal, the last thing I’d ever want is for you to lose out on your education. This will only help you, and nothing between us will change that in any way.” I mean every single word. I want her to succeed.
“Please don’t try to control me. I will always need to be able to choose. If you can do that, I want to try. I know I can learn so much. That’s the most important thing to me.”
“Your happiness is most important to me.”
It’s a strange sensation, wanting so much to please another as your only goal. This girl has walked into my life and turned it completely upside down and I’m letting her. Either I’ve gone completely mental, or….
She becomes my personal GPS and leads me down the narrow streets to her apartment. I place my hand on hers to quietly tell her to remain in place so I may open the door for her. With the door open, I offer her my hand. Her petite shoes shine in the lights against the pavement as I help her from the vehicle. I take her arm and slowly lead her up the short staircase to her door. “This is where I leave you, Petal.”
“Thank you for a wonderful evening. It means more to me than you could know.”
“Trust me, I know.”
I caress her cheek with my knuckle then lean in for a kiss, but it’s thwarted when we are both startled by the honking of a horn from a passing car.
“That scared the shit out of me.” She giggles right along with me while I take her hand in mine and bring it up to press a kiss to the top of it instead, opting to be a gentleman. If my lips touch hers, I fear neither one of us would be able to stop.
“Goodnight, Petal.”
“Goodnight, Tristan.”
I hold on to her hand until the last second. Once our fingers part, she enters her building and the secure entrance locks. I take each step back to the sidewalk slowly, one by one. For the first time in recent memory, I don’t want a night to end. The impending darkness that sleep brings is often a welcome respite for the thoughts that overtake me. Tonight, the only thing that I hope overtakes me is memories of her.
With one last glance, l look up at the windows of the brownstone style building. The right window of the top floor lights up and the curtain draws back. Her unforgettable frame fills the window. I can’t see all her features, but her hand on the glass is unmistakable. I slide my hands in my pockets and send her a few thoughts.
I wish I was up there with you.
I wish you had not needed to go.
One day you won’t have to.
One day you won’t want to.
Bonne nuit et doux rêves mon amour.
Chapter 10
Tristan
I’ve always enjoyed the paths that I’ve taken in my career. I knew I wanted to teach at an elite level, but I’d be lying if I said the days didn’t grow increasingly monotonous. Between preparing lectures, writing articles and papers of my own, plus reading through mountains and mountains of essays and research papers, I’d nearly want to drown myself in a bottle of aged scotch and disappear inside of a willing woman.
But the last two weeks have been very, very different.
Nora agreed to be my teaching assistant, so I have her by my side nearly every single afternoon. I’ve learned how she takes her coffee and that she bites her lip when she’s thinking. I’ve also grown very attached to the way she twists her hair around her finger while she listens to me go on and on about the works of Cecily Brown and Andre Breton.
Even now, while I’m watching her gaze down at the iPad in her hand as she reads an essay that one of my students submitted, I’m fantasizing about all the ways I want her. I need to clear my throat and adjust in my seat behind the cover of my desk before I can speak. “I can’t read your expression, Nora. Does what you’re reading warrant a discussion?”
She allows her lip to pop free as she looks up into my eyes. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I get that these are freshmen, but shouldn’t they at least pretend to have an idea about what they’re talking about? This essay I’m reading for example, the same analysis was done in a journal about two years ago. It’s not plagiarized or anything, but it follows the same dialogue. A bit of introspection and originality would go a long way.”
“Only two weeks on the job, and you’re already laying out harsh criticism. I respect that.” It’s fucking hot.
Jesus, Sloane, pull it together. You can’t maul the girl right here in your office.
“It’s not like I want to be harsh, but this school isn’t a breeze to get into, and there are plenty of other people who would gladly take their place in this course that would give ten times the amount of effort.”
“Speaking of school.” I toss my pen down and close the notebook I’d been scribbling notes in. “What made you choose Hyde University?”
Christ. That sounded like an interview question. I don’t want to ask if she has a man in her life. I don’t want to know.
“Oh, well, the opportunity fell into my lap. I’d been out of the country for a while for work and personal reasons. My best friend lived in the city and so I wanted to be where they were when the circumstances changed. The thought of starting over and finally being back around art and books was so exciting and refreshing to me. I could sink into it and kind of disappear.”
“Where were you living out of the country?” I ask, genuinely wanting to learn as much as I can about her from her own mouth rather than a computer.
“I was in London for a few years,” she says simply, without being any more specific.
“My family is in London.” I look down at the desk for a second to push away the moment of sadness that overtakes my mind. Some of my family is there. One very important person is not. Not anymore.
“How did you fall into the art world? I don’t think we’ve ever talked about that.”
“I think I always appreciated it. I attended my first museum before I was in primary. There was something about the colors and shapes that always made sense to me. As I matured, my specialty presented itself.”
“Your specialty meaning the female form?” She smiles. “We did establish that you’ve loved women since you were a wee little one.” She does her best to mimic my accent.
“Is that what I sound like, Petal?”
“Very much so, yes.”
“Well then, I will have to make sure I return to my roots and restore my origins. Your accent is nearly undetectable. I’d say the Midwest if I didn’t know any better.”
“I’ve lived a bit everywhere. Being here the last couple of years is the longest I’ve been anywhere since I was about thirteen. It didn’t lead to having very many friends. That’s why I think following my best friend here was an easy decision. I could blend in and just breathe.”