“You model when you want to blend in? Forgive me, but that seems to be a bit backward.”
She places the iPad down on my desk and runs her fingers through her hair. “I’ve been modeling in one way or another since I was a little girl. It's a consistent, decent income that I don’t want to leave behind, and on top of that, I love doing it, but again I’ve told you I want to be more than just my face.”
“Was the decision to leave London a professional one? Is work easier here?”
“The work is work no matter where it is.”
“You didn’t answer my first question. Is that intentional?” I push my chair back a bit to offer her a little more space should she need it in the search for her answer.
“I don’t like talking about London. Let’s just say I’m glad I’m back in the States.”
“I’m not partial to talking about London either, and I have to say, I’m glad you’re back in the States as well.”
She slides the tablet back into her lap and starts reading over the essays once again, leaving me completely perplexed by her refusal to discuss why she moved back here.
Oh, Petal… what happened to you?
***
We don’t mention London again.
I don’t like the way it makes her face fall and her mouth pull together in a frown, so I tuck it away and don’t allow it to touch her anymore.
It’s been a few days since our conversation in my office, and she hasn’t been in to help me as she prepares for her own paper that is due soon.
But I want to see her outside of the classroom, even if it is still on campus.
I’m a selfish man, after all.
I walk through the doors of the sprawling library and find her tucked away at a table, all by herself, with her nose buried in a large, leather-bound book.
“Your professor must be a tyrant if you’re working in the library at this hour.” Her body jumps as I interrupt her deep thoughts. “I’m sorry I startled you.”
“He is. You wouldn’t believe it if I told you. I had a last-minute theory I wanted to research. I didn’t have what I needed in my notes so here I still sit. Isn’t it late for you to still be on campus?”
“I was completing some research of my own, thus a visit to the library. Did you have dinner?”
“No, not yet. I was just going to grab something fast whenever I finish up here.”
“Nonsense. You wait here and I’ll go grab something for you. I’ll bring it in and we can go eat in one of the carrels upstairs. Tell me what you’d like.”
“My diet says salad with grilled chicken. The rest of me says double pepperoni pizza with ranch. You really don’t have to. I’ll be okay until I get home later. I shouldn’t be more than another hour or two.”
“That will put you around midnight. That’s not acceptable. Don’t deny your body, Nora. I will give in to your desires and pizza you shall have. Move to the carrels on the second floor in the back corner. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”
“I’ll be here with bells on.”
I’m back in just under ten minutes, just as I said I’d be, with double pepperoni pizza and a large bottle of water in tow.
She follows me up the stairs to one of the empty carrels where we can eat together without fear of prying eyes.
“I brought extra ranch for you as well, even though it pained me. I’ll never understand the American fascination with putting ranch on everything.”
“It’s an acquired taste, Professor. You could try it. Maybe you’d like something new.”
“I'm not afraid to sample, Petal.” I look around from my periphery to make sure no one else hears my slip of my name for her or gets a chance to smell the meal I’ve bought for her. “You’re not still working on your paper for my class, are you? It’s due the day after tomorrow.”
She sits down in the chair by the wall and bends one leg up to rest on the seat, making herself comfortable. “I just needed to verify a few things before I turn it in. I don’t want to make a fool out of myself.”
“That’s impossible. I’ve seen your work and read your words. You couldn’t make a fool out of yourself in any way.”
“Sometimes I find it hard to impress you.”
“Is that what you’re trying to do?” Her silence tells me more than her words could. “All you need to do is your best.”
“Why is that good enough for me and not anyone else? We’ve talked about that over and over for days. Why are my rules different?”
“I think you and I both know that it’s very easy to tell when someone is doing their best. If I know that’s the case, I’m not a tyrant.” I lean against the table and cross my arms, “As far as you are concerned, your rules will always be somewhat different. Surely, you can see why. I won’t go easy on you, but because I know you, at least more than I know others, I know you’re always doing your best.”
“Is that why, because you know me, you want me for your assistant? Are you trying to keep me close for my ability or for my potential ability? There is no right or wrong answer. I just need to know.”
“Nora, this is the only time my…passions...have even come close to my teaching. I hope you choose to believe me. If you don’t, we can end this here.”
I don’t want her to end it. I keep my face even, but I’m pounding my chest and begging on the inside. This is the closest I’ve felt to being alive in years. I don’t want to let that go, but I will if she can’t trust me.
“No, I don’t want to end it. Not at all. I believe you, it’s just… hard to believe. If that makes sense.” She twists the cap off of her drink and takes a sip. “The last thing I want is for this to end.”
“I can sense there are heavy issues with trust. I’ve seen you put quick walls up a couple of times. I want this to be a decision that is yours. I think you already know where I stand.” I watch her attempt to say something. Nora changes her mind. She sits back silent in her chair, slowly dunking a piece of crust in her ranch sauce over and over again. I will wait until she’s ready to continue. To make the silence more bearable, I turn her laptop to my eyes for viewing.
“Are you reading my paper with me sitting right here?” She attempts to turn the screen back to herself but I stop her.
“I am. I want to see what you have so far.”
“I don’t think so. That’s so embarrassing.” She continues to bicker, so I opt for surprise. Maybe that will shock her into just letting me read.
I reach across her body and dip my finger into the ranch sauce and smear just a little bit on her chin. “Are you kidding? Why didn’t you just lick me instead?”
I watch her from just over the top of the computer screen, politely removing my mark from her skin. “Maybe I should.”
The silence is so thick that I can hear the ticktocking of the clock hanging on the wall above us. The clear innuendo hangs in the air and I’m acutely aware of how badly I want to touch her, to put my hands on her skin… to taste every square inch of her.
“Maybe I want you to.” Her voice is a hushed whisper. So much so that I nearly think I imagined her words.