I leave him standing there and start down the hall to my room. I toss my overnight bag on the bed and unzip it. My dress from last night appears on top. Memories, both good and bad, start to flood back through my mind. I hold the dress to my face and can smell us both in a perfect blend on the fabric.
I try to ignore him when he knocks on my bedroom door, but I can only do it for so long. “Just stop, Lucas. You don’t have to say anything else.”
“Can we at least talk about this?”
“What is there to say? You’re not even willing to try.”
“I’m standing right here, asking to talk, aren’t I? Just… please sit.”
I quietly hang up my dress on the hook on the front of my closet door before sitting on the corner of my bed. I look up at Lucas, waiting on him to fix things.
“Nora, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for so many things. I didn’t help you the first time until it was nearly too late. I can’t see you like that again. I will end up needing bail first. The things I’ve heard about this professor of yours are not complementary to say the least. I need you to trust me. He’s not good for you.”
“You’re listening to things that catty, misinformed college students tell you about him. I know him, Lucas. Like, really know him. I can look in his eyes and tell you there isn’t an evil man inside of him.”
“You would have told me that about Evan one hundred times over until the evil man showed his face. I’m never going to just lie down and let someone take advantage of you again. That’s not who I am, and you know it. I can’t even believe my parents agreed to have him for dinner.”
“They agreed because I told him it’s important to me. That he’s important to me. Did I ever bring Evan around, even when they came to London to see me? No.” Just saying his name out loud, hearing Lucas say it starts the anxiety wheel all over again. I can feel my chest tighten like it did last night. I even start to smell that sickening heavy cologne he used to wear. I need to get that smell out of here. Now.
I stumble over to the window and lift it open. The outside air begins to rush in against my face. The panic and nausea begin to subside in seconds. “Nora? Hey. Can you hear me?”
“I thought I saw him last night, Luke. Tristan took me out on what he called a proper date and I thought I saw him watching me.”
“What? Was he there? Did you make sure?”
“I don’t…” I take a deep, cleansing breath. “I don’t think he was there. I think I just saw something or someone that reminded me of him and I freaked out.”
“Did you tell Tristan?”
“I had to. He deserved to know why I was so upset and scared.” I turn to face Lucas once again. “I told him everything. Literally everything. He knows about every single bone that was broken, every word that was said, how I got there, and how I left. He didn’t judge me. He listened. Tristan didn’t ask a ton of questions. All he wanted to know is if I was all right and then he took care of me.
“He made me feel safe. I tried to push him away. He wouldn’t go. He let me lead. Tristan did everything right. I don’t know if anyone else would have done as much. He even told me that he would not have sex with me again until or unless I was ready. Don’t you see?”
“I see an older man that is a smooth talker and is using vulnerable moments to get to you. Don’t you see? I don’t and won’t trust any man with you until I’m given a reason to.”
For the first time in a very long time, I raise my voice with him. “I’m trying to give you a chance to meet him, to actually get to know him, but you’re being a stubborn ass, Lucas Chase!”
“If loving you and wanting to protect you makes me an ass, then label me the biggest, juiciest peach on the block.”
“If you love me then trust me, dammit. I love him!” The words go flying out of my mouth. I haven’t said that about a man, any man before…ever. “I love him, Lucas. I need you to try. I don’t think I could take it if you two were at odds. It would destroy me.”
His mouth hangs open slightly. My blurted confession, at a frequency that only dogs should have been able to hear, catches him as off guard as it does me.
“I think I need a minute to process this,” he says, sinking to sit on the edge of my bed.
“I want you at dinner tonight. I want everyone who matters to me to meet Tristan, the man I know. But… I have one request.” I move to sit next to my best friend. “We can’t tell them that he’s my professor. I don’t know how Tristan wants to handle that, so I think it’s best if that bit of information stays private for now.”
“You’re asking me to lie to our parents. Christ, Nora, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re not the only one with PTSD here. Even though they didn’t know Evan at the time, and still don’t, they will see some of the same things I did and do. You lied so much with Evan. Don’t you see that as a red flag the size of Texas?”
“The way we met has so many negative connotations. I just want them to give him a fair chance before they judge our relationship.”
“I can’t lie to my parents, Nora. I won’t. I won’t offer the information myself, but if I’m asked directly, I won’t lie.”
“Lucas, do you really think I would make a decision that would be bad for me? Don’t you think I’ve learned from my past mistakes? You, of all people, should know how hard I’ve worked to even get this far.”
“Nor, I’ve seen you walk through hellfire. I’ve looked at you when I couldn’t recognize you. I’ve nursed you, protected you, helped you get back on your feet. I’ve been here every day to watch you get stronger and I’ve been here every night when you didn’t think you could do it anymore. I do know how hard you worked, but don’t ask me to trust someone else with your body and soul that I don’t have a read on. I can’t do it. Not with you, not again.”
I lean my head against his shoulder and take his hand in mine. “I love you, Luke. You have no idea how much I cherish you and our friendship. You literally saved my life and I’ll never be able to repay you for that.”
“I feel a but in there… and not in a fun way.”
I shake my head and roll my eyes, “But… Now I need you to help me take the next step in my road to recovery. I need you to trust me to be with someone, and I need you to trust them in return because I do.”
His sigh is so heavy it rattles my teeth. I know him. That means he’s going to do what I need because I asked, because he knows deep down…I’m right.
Tristan
Taking Nora back home after the evening we shared together was one of the most difficult things I’ve done in recent memory. If I’d had my way, she’d just stay with me indefinitely until she felt one-hundred-percent able to be alone or rather with her roommate… that I’ve yet to meet.
But she insisted, and I swore I’d listen to her cues and follow her lead with her needs.
Rather than driving back to my apartment though, I found myself heading upstate to the lavish acreage that Adrianna calls home.
Once I’m let through the gate, she meets me on the front steps, waving in her morning robe. I jog up the few stairs to her side, after I park my car on the circle. I greet her with a kiss on the cheek, she greets me with a large mug of coffee, strong and black.