“I know. Try living in his house, eating his food, and working in his office.” It stirred up an ache—that familiar sense of helplessness that came with grief. He couldn’t bring Kurt back, couldn’t see him one more time. Would never get to say goodbye.
“That’s got to be weird. I feel like shit, though, because I fell out of touch. I…”
“You pulled a runner.” Instead of playing for the Renegades, Cole had taken Jaime’s spot on the Canadian junior division team.
“I can’t believe Jaime blames himself. This is on me. I did this.” He gazed out the windshield into the darkness. “I just had to take it too far, you know? It wasn’t enough to hang out at his place. No, I had to steal my dad’s plane.”
“Pretty sure we’ve all got a list of things we shouldn’t have done, but we can’t go back and do it differently. If Booker hadn’t gotten hurt, it would’ve been a great night. We’d done that kind of shit countless times. That one time, things went sideways. I know it’s easy to say, but you’ve got to let it go. Guilt doesn’t make Booker’s life better, and it sure as hell isn’t improving yours.”
Cole cracked a grin. “You always were the smart one.”
“Uh, that was Booker. Valedictorian, remember?”
“He was book smart. You’re smart here.” Cole tapped his temple. “You were always the reasonable one. The rational one. I think you’re the only thing that kept us alive.”
Eh. He wasn’t so sure about that. “We took calculated risks, and we were all athletic and coordinated, but ultimately, I think we got lucky.”
“Until we didn’t.” Cole shifted restlessly. “It’s not Jaime’s fault. All he did was invite us over. I’m the one who had to turn it into something bigger.”
“Let me ask you something. What if my parents hadn’t gone on vacation? What if the driver of the car that hit them hadn’t had vodka for breakfast that morning? What would you say to me if I told you those thoughts keep me up at night?”
Cole turned to him, a shaft of moonlight cutting across his face. “Do they?”
“No, but you get my point.” He made a rolling motion with his hand. Go with it.
“I’d say you’re spinning your wheels. And that you’ve got to make peace with what happened and move on.”
“And since I can’t get my parents back, I can at least honor them by living a good life. By becoming a son they’d be proud of.”
“I know you’re right. But you didn’t cause the accident. You hear what I’m saying? I caused Booker’s accident.”
“No, man. You didn’t. Turbulence did. How many times had we done that jump before? Hundreds. Nothing had ever gone wrong. Cole, listen to me. You’ve got to let it go. Shit happens. Booker’s alive and doing well.”
“Yeah, I hear you. Most days, I’m fine. But seeing him tonight…knowing he bailed on us.” Cole shook his head.
“This is the first time he’s seen us in ten years. First time he’s been back here. Add that to Kurt’s funeral…it’s a lot to take in.”
“You’re right.”
“And maybe Jaime isn’t the only one who needs to apologize. Call him up. Write him. Do something to get this off your mind.” He reached for the handle. “All right. I guess I’ll see you in a month.”
“Yeah, maybe. But if I’m not taking my share of the team, there’s no point in coming back.”
Reluctant to leave his friend alone, Declan asked, “Is your dad in town?”
“Nah. He’s filming in Mexico.”
“More Clan Mackintosh?” His dad’s blockbuster franchise about a feud between two clans in Scotland that spanned three-hundred-and-fifty years was equal parts soap opera and historical. Declan had watched the first three but had lost interest after that.
Cole nodded. “There are fifteen books in the series, and each movie outsells the one before it, so it’s not going to end any time soon.”
Declan hated to think about him all alone in that huge house. “Why don’t you stay here tonight?”
“I appreciate it, but I’ve got a flight out first thing in the morning.” Cole’s features softened. “Actually…” He almost looked like the kid Declan had once known. “I bought my own place a few years ago. Don’t know why since I don’t live here.”
“I guess you plan on coming back.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve never lived in it.”
“So, it’s just sitting there?”
Cole shrugged. “I’m renting it out to a single mom with a pile of kids.” He smiled as though he were standing right in the middle of the chaos and loving it. “They’re going to destroy the place.”
“I’m guessing she’s a beauty?”
“Never met her. Probably never will.”
“Okay. Well, it was good to see you.” Declan opened the door and planted one boot on the driveway. “It’s your choice, but I hope you don’t reject the team outright. At least hang on and see if Harrison can figure out a way to keep the opportunity open for those of us who can’t take it right now.” He glanced to the house. “I know we’ve all moved on, but it might be nice one day to all hang out again.”
“Yeah.”
“Whatever you do, just…don’t let guilt drive your decisions.”
“I hear you. I’ll think about it.”
As Cole drove off, Declan headed toward the house. The lights were off in the Airstream, and he imagined Phinny curled up on the couch. Shame got a good grip on him.
While Kurt’s daughter slept in an RV, he’d offered Cole a bedroom in this huge house. Even reminding himself about her plans to sell the ranch failed to get him fired up.
He might not like her, but he shouldn’t have treated her like that. Tomorrow, he’d make sure she had everything she needed. He’d already brought by blankets and sheets, but he’d get her food, a generator, and basic supplies.
The minute he opened the door, he felt an energy, a presence, and he knew he wasn’t alone. The kitchen lights were on, and reverb pounded beneath his boots. Kurt made sure the bunkhouse was stocked with everything—video games, big screen TVs, and all the necessities—so if the guys thought they could take advantage of an empty house, they were wrong.
Striding across the living room, he noticed a pair of high heels by the fireplace. What the hell? As he crossed the kitchen, he took in the crusty fork, the dirty plate, and a cake box left open on the counter.
Pissed, he trampled down the basement stairs ready to read the riot act to the hands. It sounded like a party, and he couldn’t believe the staff would abuse their boss like this. The funeral was yesterday.
Kurt had paid for Alonso’s mom’s cancer treatments. He’d bought Carrie’s kids their back-to-school clothes when their father had taken off for California to hook up with some woman he’d met on the internet.
But when Declan got to the bottom of the stairs, he didn’t see a party. He saw a woman.
With her long blond hair spilling down her back, Phinny had a bottle of wine in one hand and a slice of cake in the other. In nothing but her father’s jersey, her hips swayed with the beat.