It wasn’t like that in Calamity. Here, she could be herself. She didn’t even have to try, and people liked her.
Declan made his way over, handing her a cup of pink lemonade. “Now, you can have some.”
She laughed, taking it from him, but her smile faded at the way he looked at her. His gaze caressed her as gently and lovingly as if it had been his hand.
His grin broke soft and gentle. “Look at you.”
“What do you mean?” She took a sip, letting the cold, tart liquid slide down her throat. “Am I a mess?”
“Do you care?”
She grinned. “Not really.”
“Good because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look prettier than right this minute.”
The compliment rolled through her in rich, luxurious waves. Being around him put her in a constant state of excitement. She felt like a teenager with her first crush.
“You hungry?” he asked. “Want a burger?”
Enveloped in the happiness of just being with him, she shook her head. Something had changed for them last night. After they’d made love, he’d flipped out. For a moment there, she’d thought he’d pull a runner. That this amazing relationship would end right then and there because she wanted more than he could give.
But when she’d seen true fear in his eyes, all the stories he’d told her had come together to form a picture. Kurt had accused Declan of never finishing anything, and now she understood why. He’d lost his parents, his grandfather, and now Kurt, his father-figure.
All the people he’d loved had left him. She couldn’t even imagine how hard it would be to open yourself to love again after that much loss.
But he hadn’t run. He’d come back to bed. He’d spent the night with her.
And it gave her so much hope for their future together.
Lifting a lock of hair, he tucked it behind her ear. “What’re you thinking?”
“How happy I am to be with you. Three weeks ago, I felt like I’d been dropped onto another planet. This was all so foreign to me.”
“And now?”
And now I love you. She did. It was too soon, so she wouldn’t say it, but she knew it was true. “I mean, look at it.” She took in the mountain ranges, the acres of alfalfa and scrubby meadowlands, and the magnificent house. “It’s rough, it’s rugged, it’s as far from London as you can get, and yet I feel so…peaceful here.”
“Are you thinking you’ll keep the ranch?”
He might as well have tossed a cup of lemonade in her face. “Declan, no. I can’t do that.” Can I? “Look, I get it now. I know what this land meant to Kurt, but I can’t own a cattle ranch. Come on, I would run this place into the ground.”
“It practically runs itself.”
“You know that’s not true. Mitch walked me through everything the other day. I did my due diligence, and what I saw scared the crap out of me. Initially, sure, I’d just follow what he’s laid out. But pretty soon, I’ll be at the helm of all this.” She made a sweeping motion around her. “I don’t even know how to drive a car. There’s no way I can run an operation this size. Besides, that money…it’s lifechanging. And not just for me. Think of all the good it can do.”
“This land has endured and will endure long after the money’s been spent.”
She hopped off the fence, spilling the lemonade. “Is this going to affect us? Is it going to change your feelings for me?” Honestly, she hadn’t even considered that. She’d been caught up in this whirlwind of falling in love for the first time.
His gaze dropped to the dirt. “I don’t know.”
Stung, she stepped back. She didn’t want to lose him, but she also didn’t like the idea that their relationship hinged on a decision as important as this. “I have to make the choice that’s right for me.”
“I know that.” His gaze swung up. “I do. That’s why I haven’t asked before.”
Last night, he’d been scared. Now, it was her turn. Look what they were both giving up to be together—and after only knowing each other a little over three weeks. Was the sacrifice worth it? In the long run, would he come to regret giving up coaching for her?
Staying here meant giving up the auction, and that would shut a door. If things didn’t work out and she had to go back to London, she might never get back into the world of privilege she’d always known.
He’s the worst person I could fall in love with.
And I’m the worst person he could fall in love with. Especially, if I sell this land that means so much to him.
“God, Declan. What do we do? Should we end it right now? Wait until after the contest to see—”
He hauled her to him, cutting off the rest of her sentence with his mouth over hers. He kissed her. Right there in front of families and ranch hands, in front of artisans and barrel riders. He kissed her with an urgency that left her breathless and weak-kneed.
Clutching his T-shirt, she gave into the passion of his kiss. Until he pulled away. This time, as she gazed into his eyes, she didn’t see a trace of fear. She saw resolve.
“The money, the ranch…none of it holds a candle to what I feel for you. What I need from you.”
“What do you need?” She was so rattled, she could only whisper.
“Just you. More than coaching, more than honoring Kurt’s legacy, I need to be with you.” He cupped her face with his big hand, the look in his eyes earnest and searching. “I’m sorry. I never should’ve asked about the land. I won’t let it come between us.”
“But it will. The contest is this Friday. One of us is going to win.” And then what?
“Look, I don’t play hockey hoping I’ll score. Wondering whether I’ll win. I play it knowing I’m going to kick ass. I’m in this relationship, Phinny. And I hope you are, too.”
She was. Of course, she was.
But there were too many emotions involved. In the long run, he’d resent her for selling the land. For him, it meant honoring Kurt. For her, it was survival. Her stomach still churned when she remembered standing outside her apartment, the key no longer fitting in the lock. She’d had nowhere to go. If Verity hadn’t let her sleep on her couch for a few nights, she would have literally been homeless.
She’d had no money. No real-world skills. Verity had a fiancé and hadn’t wanted her to stay more than few nights, so she’d had to find another friend who’d let her stay over. You wouldn’t believe how quickly you can go through friends. When she’d finally gotten the job at the diner, she’d moved into a boarding house.
She’d eaten during her shifts, and she would never forget the day she’d packed someone’s leftover dinner into a take-away container while Phoebe, the manager, watched her with horror and pity. She’d felt like a feral cat.
No, I’m sorry. I’m selling the ranch. Not only was she unequipped to run it, but she needed financial independence.
She only hoped Declan would understand.
Declan held the door open and watched as Phinny breezed into the Reliquary Museum and came to a comical stop. “Whoa.”
Yeah, the place was very cool. Mounted animal heads hung on the walls and display cases held artifacts. The historic house was stuffed with memorabilia going back hundreds of years.