“I don’t know why we broke up, but I want to repair our relationship.” He grabs my hand over the table. “Please tell me we can.”
“Marcel.” I let out a deep exhale.
Damn it.
“I have issues.” I sigh. “And it’s not fair to bring them into our relationship.”
“Like what?”
I stare at him as I try to think of a kind way to let him down. How the hell do I do this without hurting him?
“Is it something that I did?”
“No.”
“The proposal…we can wait. If you’re not ready for marriage then that’s okay.”
My heart drops and I squeeze his hand in mine. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I should never have accepted your wedding proposal…but.” Oh God, this is the worst. “You asked me in a public situation. What was I supposed to do?”
“Say no.”
“I would never humiliate you like that.”
“You would just leave me after I had told everyone I know that we were engaged.”
“I’m so sorry. I wish I could turn back time, I would’ve handled things so differently.”
“How?” His eyes hold mine and I can tell he’s holding on to his temper by a tiny thread.
“I didn’t realize we were anywhere in the marriage kind of spectrum. We had never talked about it, we didn’t even live together.” I shrug. “We only saw each other on the weekends.”
“Because we were busy,” he snaps in an outrage.
“No, it wasn’t that at all. We had no urgency to see each other. I know you don’t see it now, but you don’t love me the right way either.”
“You don’t love me?” He gasps out loud as if surprised. “You really don’t love me?”
The people sitting at the tables around us are beginning to look over as they eavesdrop on our conversation. I have no idea why they’re listening; this conversation is a complete nightmare. I don’t want to hear it myself…and I’m in it.
“What I’m saying is,” I say softly, “I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore and I didn’t realize this until you proposed to me. Instead of feeling excited, all I could feel is panic and that it was wrong. I shouldn’t be like that, and you….” Words fail me. “I’m just so, so sorry.” I squeeze his hand. “You deserved so much better and I will never forgive myself for treating you the way I have.”
He lets out a deep sigh.
“I missed every sign, every cue that you gave me. I must have, because to be honest, I’m still shocked. You took me completely by surprise.”
We hold hands over the table as he stares at me.
“I’d like it if we could be friends.” I smile hopefully.
“No. I can’t be friends with you. It’s all or nothing.”
“Okay.” I nod sadly, I get it. I can’t be friends with Giuliano either, it hurts too much to see him and not be able to hold him.
I wonder where he is tonight.
I get a vision of him and me making love in Ibiza. The passion, the laughter…the feeling of coming home. The love.
All the love.
Damn it, why are we related?
“So?”
Marcel’s voice interrupts my thoughts. Huh? I glance up. Oh my God, I’m the worst person I know. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you?”
“I’m taking a transfer to America.”
“What?”
“I had a job offer in Chicago, I was going to turn it down, but in light of what’s happened I want a new start.”
I smile. “That’s exciting.”
“You’re not going to beg me not to leave…are you?”
My smile fades as we stare at each other. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper and suddenly I just need to get out of here. “I’m going to go…this isn’t…helping.” I stand and he stares up at me. “Good luck with your new job.”
“Goodbye, Francesca.”
I bend and kiss his cheek. “Goodbye, Marcel.”
And I wish I could say something uplifting, something that would turn this shitty situation in his favor, but I can’t, because the truth is that I’m in love with someone else.
Someone I can never be with, and I’ll always be alone.
Missing him.
Reality hits home and my eyes well with tears.
I walk out of the restaurant and down around the corner, I take out my phone and call Antonio.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I’m on the corner.”
“You’re finished already?”
“Yep.”
“On my way.”
“Thanks.” I hang up and stare across the road as sadness overwhelms me.
I feel like crap…and so I should.
The car pulls into the curb and I get into the back seat. “Hi.”
We pull out into the traffic. “That was quick,” Antonio says as he drives.
“Yeah.” I stare sadly out the window, once again my mind wonders where my beloved Giuliano is now? My thoughts always come back to him.
I hope he’s ok.
Giuliano
I bang on the window as my mother lies dying. “Mom, I’m here. Hold on.”
Her head slumps as I begin to try to break down the door. “I’m here, Mom. Don’t go, wait for me.”
I watch on helplessly as her guards come running. “Angelina,” one cries. “Call an ambulance.”
I bang frantically on the door, I’ve never known a panic like this.
A scream wakes me and I sit up in a rush, I look around the dark silent room as my heart hammers hard in my chest. Who was screaming?
I was.
It was my screams that woke me.
Fuck.
I sit up and swing my legs out of the bed, I’m wet with perspiration, with my elbows resting on my knees I sit in the darkness. What the fuck is going on with me?
I’m losing it.
I feel Lorenzo walk into the office. “You’re quiet today,” he says as he puts his two hands on my shoulders from behind.
“That’s because he’s worn out,” Val teases. “Lucky prick.”
I exhale heavily. “Shut up.”
I’m not in the mood for this fucking shit today.
“Who is she?” Lorenzo smiles as he sits down at my desk.
“Nobody.” I sigh as I open my email folder.
“Bullshit,” Carlo snaps. “Tell me she tasted as good as she looked?”
I drag my hand through my hair. “Can you two just get out and let me do some work?”
Everyone saunters out of the office and I try to focus on my computer screen, but I can’t. My brain is fried and I feel so unstable that it’s ridiculous.
Nothing should affect me this badly.
Alex walks back into my office and puts his hands onto my shoulders from behind. “You, okay?” he asks.
“Uh-huh.” I keep staring at my screen.
“You’re worrying me.”
“I’m fine.” I dismiss him.
“It’s been six weeks since you saw her.”