“But I love him…” I whisper.
“I know. Men like him are easy to love.” I drop to sit on the couch and she sits beside me. “I’m sorry. I wish I could change the way things are.”
My eyes hold hers. “How did you do it, Mom? How did you love a man who constantly slept with other women?”
“Through tears,” she whispers.
I get a lump in my throat as I stare at her. “He’s different,” I whisper. “Giuliano is different.” Am I trying to convince her or myself?
Maybe a bit of both.
She presses her lips together and forces a sad smile, realizing her words are falling on deaf ears.
Only they aren’t.
I can hear her warning loud and clear.
It’s terrifying.
She straightens her back and stands, her steely armor slipping firmly back into place. “I will let you go.” Her high heels click as she walks to the front door and I follow behind her, lost in my own depressing thoughts.
She turns toward me. “Goodbye, darling.”
“How do Giuliano and I come out, Mom? How do we announce to the world that we aren’t related and are together?”
“Take your time with this decision, Francesca. Your happiness for the rest of your life depends on it. This is not something you want to rush.”
My eyes hold hers.
“If you do decide that this is the life you want, we will deal with it together.” She tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You have my word.”
“Okay.”
She smiles and kisses my cheek. “I love you.”
I nod through tears. “I love you too.”
Anna and I walk into the restaurant around four p.m., I haven’t heard from Giuliano all day.
I have no idea what could be so important that he has to work on a Sunday.
The waiter shows us to our seats and pulls out our chairs for us. “Thank you.”
“Why are there so many guards today?” Anna whispers.
“What?”
“We had four cars on us as we drove here, didn’t you notice?”
I glance out the window to see Davidoff and three men standing on the sidewalk. “No, I didn’t.” I frown. “Probably Jules being overprotective again.”
She smiles. “What’s going on with you two?”
I stare at my loyal friend and I want to tell her everything, but my mother’s words are weighing heavily on my chest.
I feel confused and lost and I just want Giuliano to come home, he’s the only one who can make me feel better. I’ll wait another few days before I tell Anna about us not being related.
Mom is right, there is no rush.
“Nothing new, we are just friends,” I lie.
“Have you seen him since you got back?”
“No.” I roll my lips to change the subject, another lie.
I’m a shitty friend.
“So…tell me about Carlo?” I say to change the subject.
“Oh, Chesk.” She smiles dreamily. “He’s perfect. He took me to Tuscany and we laughed and made love and….” She gives me a subtle shake of her head. “I’m falling hard for him.”
I want to give her the same warning lecture that my mother gave me, but then I remember that I am in a worse off position than she is. “That’s great.”
“You know, we haven’t spent a night apart since I came home.”
I fake a smile as I listen to her.
“He’s just so…and the sex, God. I have been missing out all this time,” she gushes.
I giggle, I can sure relate to that one.
Her phone rings and the name Carlo flashes up on the screen. “Speak of the devil.” She answers. “Hi.” She smiles sexily. “Are your ears burning?”
She giggles as she listens to him speak, I can vaguely hear him. “Oh.” Her face falls. “Okay.” She listens again and smiles. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I discreetly get my phone out of my bag and glance at it.
No missed calls.
I listen to the two of them flirt for a few minutes. “Okay, see you later then.”
She giggles and I know he’s said something playful and sexy. “I look forward to it, bye.” She hangs up and sips her wine.
“Where is he?” I ask, secretly wanting to know where the hell Giuliano is and why the fuck hasn’t he called me?
“They’re at a strip club or some bullshit.”
I blink, surprised. “What? He’s at a strip club?”
“Yeah, that’s what he said.”
“That doesn’t bother you?”
“No.” She shrugs as she fills my wineglass. “It’s obviously innocent or he wouldn’t have told me.”
I frown as I stare at her.
“It’s when they don’t tell you that you have to worry. If he was keeping secrets, I would know he’s up to something.”
“Who’s he with?” I casually ask.
“Giuliano, Alex and Valentino. He said all his work friends, so whoever they are.”
My mother’s warning sets off alarm bells in my psyche.
I tip my head back and gulp my wine.
Giuliano left me at home alone on a Sunday to go to a strip club with the boys.
Wow.
And so it begins.
The clock ticks over to eleven p.m. as I stare at it, my apartment is deathly silent.
And while I lie here in bed alone, he’s at a strip club. I get a vision of what it would be like, him sitting around laughing with the boys, beautiful naked women all throwing themselves at him.
It would be easier for him to walk away, to follow lust and a hot piece of ass.
Loving me is hard work.
I get a vision of him with those two women in the porno, the look on his face as he went between them. The carefree lust in his eyes and I die a little inside.
That’s something I can never give him.
Maybe my mother is right, powerful men who look like him can have any woman they want. Why would he want a complicated relationship with his supposed sister when…?
My eyes well with tears and the lump in my throat begins to hurt.
I’ve never been insecure before, maybe I never loved anyone enough to have a fear of losing them.
What will my life be like without him?
I have to be a realist, maybe we really won’t work out, perhaps this is another life lesson. Maybe his attraction to me is simply that he couldn’t have me?
And now that he does….
I inhale on a shaky breath and think back to how I felt when Carlo called Anna, they’ve been dating for only weeks. And yet somehow, he is more dedicated to her.
I wonder do the strippers have sex with the customers…of course they do.
I angrily wipe my tears away.
Fuck this.
I feel like such a fool.
I hear the front door and I quickly wipe my eyes, I don’t want to deal with him tonight while I’m feeling weak and vulnerable.
I’m not giving him that satisfaction.
The bedroom door opens and he walks in and stands over me for a moment as he watches me, the smell of cigar smoke and alcohol permeate off him.
Asshole.
My eyes stay closed tight as I pretend to be asleep, I hear the shower turn on.