“But that’s the thing, Keira. You do know. I think you’ve known since that night you went out into the hall guns blazing to shut down Vanessa’s impromptu party for the umpteenth time. You’ve known that you’re attracted to him, for one thing. I suspect you have been since high school. Now you’ve discovered that he’s attracted to you, and it scares the shit out of you. That’s okay. He’s also opened up to you about everything, including his feelings for you along with how much he needs your help. That probably wasn’t easy for him.”
“I know that. And everything else you said too. I’m just… scared.”
“So just go over there and help him this one time. Maybe it’ll at least be enough to get him on the right track with his class. Then if you’re still not sure, put the brakes on.”
I looked the goofy Hallmark look on Gwen’s face.
“Fine. I’ll go.” Gwen squealed and jumped up to do a happy dance. Then she sobered up again.
“One more thing, roomie?” she said.
“What’s that?” I asked warily.
“You may want to put on some different clothes.”
I couldn’t believe that came out of her mouth. Gwen was the last person I expected to be so shallow.
“I don’t need to dress the part, Gwen,” I said quietly. “I can tutor effectively no matter what I’m wearing. And I sure as hell don’t need to dress up for Nate or any other guy.”
She sat on the bed and took my hands before she answered just as quietly, “Not for him, babe. For you. I know you’re not into clothes and makeup, and I didn’t say put on a ball gown and bright red lipstick. Just maybe a shirt that isn’t plaid, and some comfortable jeans instead of sweatpants.” I cast my eyes down. She kind of had a point. “I pay more attention than you think. You’ve got some really fun graphic tees, and some cool jeans. When everything’s going well in your world, you wear them. You even wear your hair down to class once in awhile. But ever since that blow-up in the hall with Vanessa, you’ve shut down on the self-care front. I mean, thank goodness you haven’t stopped bathing. I’m just saying, I’d love to see my beautiful confident roomie let her light shine a little more.”
I smiled and reached out to hug her.
“Thanks, roomie.” Gwen was right, and deep down, I’d been conscious of letting myself go. If I were being truly honest with myself, I’d already thought about what I wanted to wear that night to my little tutoring session with Nate, even before I’d admitted that I would in fact go.
I chose my favorite pair of jeans, a light blue pair that I’d had for at least three years. I’d worn a hole in one knee, and the only way I’d stop wearing them is if they disintegrated, whether or not the hole ever went out of fashion. I tugged on my Jimi Hendrix T-shirt, which I’d found in the men’s department at Target. I’d trimmed the sleeves and cut the top into a rounded neckline. Normally I didn’t like to dry my hair, but in the winter, I had no choice. I’d done a decent job of towel-drying it first, so it didn’t take me too long.
I had no idea where Nate’s room was, and when I got there, I studied the room directory in a hurry before I got into trouble. I nearly jumped out of my skin when three athletes in letter jackets strolled in. I couldn’t tell whether they were football players or not, but I half expected them to haul me up against the wall and interrogate me. They said nothing, so I went back to studying the room chart. I wasn’t looking for Nate’s room, rather this place called the Crow’s Nest that he described as the study room. Just as I was thinking I’d been wrong about the entire football team, a voice from behind me said, “Are you lost, darlin’?”
I turned to see Kirby Walters and two other guys I’d seen with Nate that night in the dorm. I only knew his name because Vanessa’s roommate Tina had been after him for months. Every time I saw her in the showers or passed by her room, she was always talking about him. I feigned non-interest in spite of my pounding heart and tried to ignore them. But the huge one spoke up.
“Shut up asshole,” he said to Kirby, before turning to me. “Pay no attention to him. You need help finding something?”
“Um, yeah. Some study room called the Crow’s Nest?” He smiled at me and pointed to one of the squares on the top floor of the building map.
“It’s not marked or named officially. Just a spare room that got converted into a study room and never got changed back to a regular dorm room.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“No problem,” he answered. He nodded at me, and Kirby just smirked. The third one didn’t really do anything except look bored. I had the feeling they knew who I was, but also that the one who helped me was at least enough of a good guy not to make a big deal about it. Kirby, on the other hand, struck me as a troublemaker of the worst sort, and Tina was probably better off without him.
They strode off, and I made my way to the elevator. As it rose to the fifth floor, I had a momentary panic attack. What the fuck was I doing here? Giving a tutoring session, I reminded myself. Then I added: to the football star to whom you’re dangerously attracted and who is also attracted to you. I steeled myself as the doors opened and made my way down the hall to the “study room.” Since it wasn’t Nate’s room, I didn’t knock. At first, I didn’t think he was in there, and if he’d been a no-show, I would have crawled back to my room in a haze of shame.
In the next instant he was there, pulling the door the rest of the way open. All I could do was stare. It should be against the law for anyone to look that good in jeans and a T-shirt. The electric blue of the shirt made his eyes even more intense. His black jeans were just plain sexy.
“Hey,” he said, and smiled at me. “I was worried maybe you wouldn’t come after all.”
“Sorry I’m a few minutes late,” I said as I stepped inside the room. “I had to dry my hair.” Shit. Now he’d think I got all fixed up just for him, which I basically had, but I didn’t want him to know that. I almost made up some dumbass story about going rock climbing or taking an aerobics class and needing a shower, but I just let it go.
“Welcome to the Crow’s Nest, such as it is. I staked out a table over here, although it’s not like it ever gets crowded in here.”
Just like the big guy had said, it was a small room, since it had been an actual dorm room at one time. Bookshelves lined the walls, and there were four round tables spaced evenly where the beds would have been on either side of the room. There were no shades or curtains on the single window, which made me glad we were up on the fifth floor, especially now that it was dark outside. There were no beds, but a worn-looking couch sat in the center of the room, with two floor lamps on either end. Both were turned on, as well as the small lamp on the table that Nate had chosen for us. I followed him over to it and took a pad and notebook out of my satchel. I didn’t even know what class he needed help with, but I was prepared to make notes and come up with a study plan to help him. He waited for me to sit down before he took his seat across from me.
“So, what are we into, here?” I asked.
“Statistics,” he answered flatly. I puffed my cheeks and blew the air out. Sure, stats were based in math, but it had been awhile since I’d done anything with that subject. Still, it wasn’t impossible.