“First of all, I want to. Second of all, if you’re worried about people seeing us together, don’t. I’m not.” She looked down at the ground, but she didn’t try to pull her hands out of mine again.
“So, what was this?” I took a deep breath.
“Well, I can tell you what it wasn’t,” I said. “It wasn’t payment for tutoring services, and it wasn’t just a hookup. Not to me, anyway.”
“It wasn’t a date, either,” she said as she looked at me again.
“Fair enough. Look, Keira, I meant what I said about wanting to date you. I think it’s obvious that I love fucking you, too. We’re adults here, or at least we’re supposed to be. I don’t regret having sex with you, and I hope you don’t regret this either. We’ll figure this out. I also meant what I said about not fucking up the help you’re giving me. It means the world to me. I don’t trust anyone else, and I would let either of us down in that regard. But right now, I’d like to walk you back to your room so that I know you’re safe. And maybe we can grab dinner together sometime before our next session. What do you think?” She smiled at me, and I’d never get tired of seeing that either.
“I think that I can’t find a reason to disagree with anything you’ve said. I loved tonight too, and not just the sex. I believe you about the tutoring—I can see you’re committed to school along with football, and I’m glad I can help with that. Plus, there was no way I was going to let you hire some other hoe to do the job!”
“Very funny,” I said. “But it does remind me, how much do I owe you?” She released my hands and walked over to the couch.
“Um, nothing, Nate,” she said, and she put her coat on.
“Uh-huh. No. No way you’re doing this for free.”
“Well, that’s not up to you. I don’t want you to pay me, Nate. I’m just helping a friend. We may not be officially dating yet, but we’re at least friends, aren’t we?”
“Yes, Keira. Of course we are. I just don’t want you to think I don’t value your help.”
“I know you value it. You can prove it by doing the work and bringing your grade up. Okay?”
“Fine.” I’d agree to that for the time being, but I planned on looking up the going rate for tutors and setting it aside each week anyway. I could always try to give it to her as a lump sum down the road. “Come on, we just need to stop by my room so I can get my coat.” If she thought I was worried about being seen with her, I wanted to put that to rest immediately.
“I’ll wait here if you don’t mind. I’m just not ready to face the entire football team. Even just as your tutor.”
“Suit yourself. But don’t you dare run off—I’ll be right back.” I wasn’t happy about leaving her alone up there, or about the fact that she was worried about the rest of the team. There were some assholes on the team for sure, but honestly, most of those guys were in the frat houses. Tank and most of the other guys in the dorm would be polite to Keira, even without the knowledge that I’d kick their asses if they weren’t.
I knew it would take some time for us to get used to our new friendship, and to trust each other. That didn’t stop the huge wave of relief from washing over me when I saw Keira still standing there in the Crow’s Nest looking out the window.
“Ready?” I said. I saw my own big goofy smile on my reflection as I approached her at the window, but I didn’t care.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
Even though it was cold, we walked slowly back to her dorm. For whatever reason, we finally relaxed. I guess we’d proven to each other that we could do the important schoolwork, and we’d relieved some of that sexual tension between us. Suddenly it was so easy to talk to her, and she was chatting up a storm. We reminisced a little bit about high school, and she caught me up on some things I hadn’t heard about. Then she asked me some particulars about football, and why I loved to play so much.
“Well, what gets you excited about math?” Her eyes got wide.
“Wow, no one’s ever asked me that before. It’s… well, put it this way. There’s this rush I get from pulling a problem apart. I get giddier the closer I get to solving it. When I finally work out a formula for something, I get a high that nothing else gives me. Nothing like a stadium full of fans cheering for me like you get.”
“Ah, see, that’s the common misperception. I can only speak for myself, but when I’m really focused, I push all that noise back. I’m actually trying to solve a problem out there on the field too. Now, it’s a team effort, executing the plays, but I get that same rush executing my part in it. Half the fun is making that connection with the receiver when the play goes off the rails. That raises the stakes. So just like you, when I find a new solution to get that ball down the field, and it works, there’s nothing like it. Then, yeah, I might enjoy the crowd’s support a little.” She seemed pleased that we had more in common than she originally thought, and we traded a few more pointers back and forth on our respective fields.
Then she threw me for a total loop.
“Nate, I hope you weren’t… disappointed with how things went tonight… with me, I mean.” I stopped and looked at her.
“What the fuck, Keira? What would make you say something like that? What would make you think something like that?” She shoved her hands into her pockets and looked down at the ground.
“It just happened so fast. I didn’t even realize until I saw Vanessa’s face that you only just broke up with her. I guess that thing about it being easy for guys to go from one partner to the next is true. It doesn’t really bother me, since you’re with me now, I guess, at least sexually. I just don’t want to disappoint you in that department. I mean, Vanessa’s so… wild. And she’s into clothes and make-up, and I’m just not. I just hope you won’t be… bored with me.”
Holy fuck, the girl certainly didn’t pull any pull any punches. It wasn’t the first time I’d faced a surprise blitz before. But this time I couldn’t hide behind my pride. I had to stay true to course, and if I wanted to have a real relationship with Keira, that meant I had to be honest with her.
“It’s true. I have been that guy—the player who has a different girlfriend, or fuck buddy every week, for that matter. Certainly that described me to a tee my first two years here. It was part of the role I played as a star athlete. It’s not really the healthiest way to live. To be honest, I was just starting to get tired of the whole lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, I obviously still love sex. But hooking up, believe it or not, just gets old. Now, here’s the deal with Vanessa. I started out this year like I’ve started every year, playing the field. I think Vanessa had a bead on me the first time she read the college catalogue. It’s what girls like her do, and I used to fall right in line with it. And sure, she’s attractive to a point. She’s got a cute body and we fooled around a lot. But you don’t need to worry about my experience sleeping with her versus sleeping with you, because I never slept with her. Vanessa and I never had intercourse, Keira.”
When I saw Keira’s shoulders sag with relief, I felt bad that she’d had all that worry pent up inside.