“But you were hurt by what they’d done. While it wasn’t right to hurt them in return, perhaps it does afford you a little grace for your actions—and understanding.”
“Mother died shortly after Father. We never resolved my feelings. My grandparents and great-grandparents of course were dead by then, and much of the extended family had gone their own ways. I wasn’t close to any of them at that point. I felt abandoned and betrayed by them all.” She dabbed her eyes with her napkin. “I only tell you this because my hard heart did not come about without reason. Whether you see it as a reason worthy of my actions or not, I cannot say, but I want you to know that I regret the woman I was.”
Susanna reached out and touched her mother’s arm. “I believe you. I can see that you are a changed person.”
“But we’ve lost all of those years.”
“Then we must make the best of the ones we still have,” Susanna said, smiling. “We must do whatever is necessary to know each other and love each other. I intend to marry Owen and give him as many children as God deems. I want them to have a grandmother who loves them. I want a family that rallies around one another and can be counted on in times of trouble.”
“I never offered you comfort after Mark died.” Her mother’s expression was miserable. “I don’t know how I could have been so heartless. Oh, Susanna, I am so sorry. Please forgive me. How your heart must have hurt. I know how much you loved him. I was so jealous of your relationship with him. Even of the one you shared with your in-laws. I was so self-focused and mean-spirited.”
“Mother, you were very broken. You endured much of your own grief. Being used in such a way was abominable. How unloved you must have felt, but now you know that isn’t the case. Father loves you quite dearly.”
“I know, and the truth of that only shames me all the more. He was always good to me. He knew I was unhappy and never pushed me to accept my situation.” She smiled. “Maybe he should have. I know he didn’t deserve what he got in me as a wife. All this time, while I was ill, I just kept thinking about it. What a terrible wife I’ve been. How I’ve humbled and berated him, and he’s just taken it all in stride.” She sniffed back tears. “Can God truly change me?”
“He already has, Mother. The old you would never have made such a confession. You are a new creation in Christ. Your way of looking at life and the people around you can be totally transformed. Yield it all to Him, and you’ll be surprised at what can happen.”
“I hope you’re right. I know I don’t deserve for any of you to forgive me.”
“But we do. I’m confident that Father and Gary both feel as I do.” Susanna had never known such joy. Was God truly giving her the family she longed for?
“But what about the women at church? I haven’t been very kind, and they’ve done so much. Will they forgive my snobbish ways?”
“I have a feeling they will. Why don’t we host a tea once you’re up and about?”
“A tea? For the women of the church?”
Susanna took her mother’s hand. “Yes. Let’s host a tea, and you can speak directly to them. I believe your testimony would go a long way toward encouraging their forgiveness. I believe it will do their hearts good.”
“But how embarrassing.” Mother drew a deep breath. “I suppose I deserve much worse than embarrassment.”
“I don’t think you will be embarrassed for long. I believe you will receive complete love and forgiveness. In fact, I’m sure of it.”
Two weeks later, after Gladys Ragsdale was completely recovered, she hosted a tea for the Methodist church ladies. The women arrived with smiles and comments of joy at seeing that she was back on her feet again.
Susanna watched this from the kitchen where she and Lia were putting the final touches on the last of the delicacies they’d created for the party. Lia carried the plate out to the table, and Susanna brought the cream and sugar for the tea.
“It’s so good to see you, Susanna. When are you and Owen getting married?” Sylvia Payne asked.
“We settled on the eighth of October.”
“That’s in less than two weeks. Goodness, I need to get busy,” the older woman replied.
Susanna laughed. “I’m not sure what you must busy yourself with, but it’s going to be a very simple affair. We’ll marry right after the church service, and then there’s to be a covered-dish dinner. Pastor Lewis said he’d announce it next Sunday.”
“I’m sure it will be a grand affair, even if you’re not having a fancy wedding.” Sylvia beamed at Susanna. “I’ll be there quite happily. My husband and I have long wanted to see Owen settled with someone, and you are the perfect choice.”
“Well, thank you. I’m glad you think so. Owen is definitely my perfect choice.”
The ladies took their seats, and Susanna watched as her mother, ever the capable hostess, took over.
“Ladies, if I might have your attention for a few moments,” Mother announced.
Everyone went quiet.
“First, I want to thank you for coming here today. I want to thank all of you for your kindness during my illness. The fact that you kept my family fed and checked in on me touched my heart in a way I can’t quite explain.” She bit her lip and for a moment looked as if she might cry.
Susanna whispered a prayer for her mother. She knew her confession would not be easy. Mother had made many of these women feel less than important, and now she would have to face up to her deeds.
“I didn’t deserve your kindness. We all know this. I’ve treated you very poorly. As I recently explained to my daughter, I’ve been a hard and bitter woman all of my adult life, and I’m deeply ashamed of the things I’ve done. Without having God in my heart, I had little use for anyone, but especially people I perceived as useless to benefitting me. That was an attitude taught to me by my father, but I should never have adopted it. I should have found value in each person, especially when offered kindness and love.
“But you see, I didn’t understand what love was. Love was so foreign to me by the time I grew up. I had known great love as a child, but my father made it clear that things had changed when I became a young woman. He had changed, and with that, the entire family changed, and love became almost unwelcome in our home.”
Susanna heard hushed comments of pity and disapproval. She could tell by the expressions on the faces of some of the women that they had gone through similar experiences. Others just offered smiles of kindness and encouragement. They were good women.
“I won’t belabor the point,” Mother continued, “but I wanted to bring you here to apologize. When I fell ill, it was as if God forced a reckoning in my heart. I was drawn to the memories of times gone by and made to see myself through the eyes of others. I had a great deal of time to ponder the person I had become as I lay fearing my death.”
Someone sniffed, and Susanna could see several of the women’s eyes dampened with tears.
“I was terrified of leaving this world in that state of bitter anguish. My daughter helped me find my way to the Savior. Pastor Lewis came later and confirmed the path, and my heart found peace for the very first time.”