“I’m sure Father would allow you to take Gary’s old room at the house. I could take care of you there.”
“I’m fine. Really. Doc said I couldn’t work for a couple of days, but otherwise I should be fine.” He reached out and touched her cheek. “Thank you for caring.”
She frowned. “We really should get married.”
He laughed. “Yes, we really should.”
23
You look so much better, Mother.” Susanna placed a lunch tray on her mother’s lap. “In just a week’s time you look more like yourself.”
“I feel better. My lungs are finally free of that heavy feeling.” Mother drew the napkin across her body and glanced at the choices. “This looks good.”
“It’s roasted pig that has been shredded into smaller pieces and mixed with seasonings and a special sauce that Lia’s father created. I have to admit, I ate a large helping. If it’s too spicy, I can get you something else, but I think you’re going to like it. There’s a piece of fresh bread and butter to eat with it. And for dessert, a nice egg custard that Mrs. Lewis dropped off.”
“Those women from the church have been so generous to us. I honestly don’t know what to say. I’ve never met people like these.”
“That’s because you only knew higher society folks. I find that people who don’t have to worry about having the best of things are content to have things that matter. These folks are that way. I’ve come to really enjoy them, and I know you will too.” Susanna sat down and picked up the quilt square she was working on. “And they’ve taught me to quilt. I never knew I’d enjoy it so much.”
“I’m impressed,” Mother said, noting the piece. “It will make a beautiful quilt.”
“You could learn too,” Susanna encouraged. “I find it peaceful to do when nothing else is going on. I can sew and talk at the same time. When we get together on quilt day, we have such lively conversations, and I learn so much about the area and how to do things. I’m learning how to make a concoction that will help rid us of spiders at the hotel.”
“I would like to know that as well. One for the spiders, as well as the other pests that tend to come into the house, would be wonderful.”
Susanna nodded and refocused on her square. They sat in silence while her mother ate and Susanna sewed. It was so different from the past that Susanna couldn’t help but ponder what the future would hold for them. Could they somehow have a close relationship? Could she trust her mother’s change to include a love like Lia and her mother shared?
“You know, when I visited the ranch owned by Lia’s father, I was amazed to see a side of family life that I didn’t know existed. There were generations of people together in one place, including extended family members, and it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced.”
“I can imagine. When I was very young, before my father settled on politics for his livelihood, we had an extensive family. Both sets of grandparents were alive, as well as some of my great-grandparents. There were cousins and aunts and uncles. We all lived fairly close together outside of Topeka. Most of them were farmers. One was a dairyman—my uncle Pete.” Mother smiled. “He once taught me to milk a cow.”
“Mother! I had no idea you knew how to milk a cow.” Susanna grinned. She could see the amusement in her mother’s expression. It was so strange after her years of snobbery and closed-off emotions.
Mother nodded. “I was quite good at it.” She sampled another bite of the pork. “This is excellent. We often had pig roasts when I was young. Nothing smelled quite so wonderful.” She met Susanna’s gaze. “But so much changed when my father went into politics.”
“How so?”
“He wanted to appeal to the elite. He knew he needed their money because he had his eye on being president one day.”
“President?” Susanna couldn’t imagine having a grandfather who was President of the United States.
“Yes. He had it all planned out. He would start with smaller offices and eventually become governor of the state. From there, he figured the presidency would be a simple thing if he had the right financial backers. By the time things became serious and he was actually running for governor, he decided I should marry into a wealthy family who would then be obligated to help him with his dream.”
“So Father was chosen.”
“Not so much chosen as appointed. My father put out word that he was looking for a man to marry me—an arrangement that would benefit both families. He would use his power to benefit those who were a part of his family. The Ragsdales were just one of several interested parties. I was basically sold to the highest bidder.”
“Oh, Mother, that’s terrible. I never knew this. I knew it was an arranged marriage, but I thought it was also for love.”
“No, I hated having no say. I didn’t love your father. I wanted to make him pay. The early years of our marriage were sheer misery, I’m sorry to say. In fact, I’m so ashamed now to admit the woman I was then that it pains me to tell you about those years.”
“You don’t have to.” Susanna looked at her mother. “I would never demand that from you. We all make mistakes and do and say things we regret. I wouldn’t ask you to relive that for all the world.”
“But there’s something in my changed heart that requires it of me. I can’t even explain it, but I feel that I owe it to you to tell you everything. A confession of sorts, I suppose. You see, I’ve never loved you as I should have. You were my firstborn and such a sweet baby, but I could not appreciate it. I was so full of hate and bitterness. The only thing that ever made me happy were the expensive things your father would do for me or give me, and even then the pleasure was short-lived.
“Part of our agreement was that I would give him a son, and he would bathe me in jewels and give me a beautiful house in a stylish part of town. I figured on only having one child, so when you were born a girl, I was devastated. For years afterwards, I refused your father’s advances, but finally I realized I had to try to give him a son. Thankfully, Gary was born. You were nearly six. I rejoiced because I knew my duties were complete. I wanted no more of your father or, sadly, any of you. You only represented to me the arrangement my father had made.”
“Did your mother not try to intercede for you?”
“No. Not even once. She loved my father and believed that it was a wife’s role to be obedient, even when she didn’t agree with his choices. The whole family was that way. It was part of their Christian beliefs, and I suppose that is why I was never fond of God or the church. I thought it was horrible that I should be sent away to marry a man I didn’t love—one who didn’t love me. And all because of my father’s political ambitions and God’s will. . . . Well, it was too much for me.”
“That is terrible. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m the one who is sorry. My anger and bitterness robbed me of having a relationship with you and Gary. I left you to the capable hands of the nanny and went about the business of showing off my new clothes and jewels, of making sure we were seen at all the right parties and political gatherings. My father died the year he ran for governor of Kansas. The doctor said he had a massive heart attack. I remember looking at the other people in the room and declaring that couldn’t possibly be the cause of death because my father had no heart.” She shook her head. “I was terrible. My mother was so broken by his passing, and I was no comfort to her. I was her only child, and all I could do was make the situation worse. I’m so ashamed.” Tears came to her eyes.