I wasn’t sure whether to tell her I was coming back to New Jersey for Christmas if I wouldn’t be seeing her. So, I kept it generic:
I hope to be home very soon.
Keep up the good work with Maisy. I’ll be rooting for you. And if I don’t get to talk to you again before Christmas, I hope you have an amazing one. Please give Aspyn a big hug for me.
Talk to you soon,
Troy
• • •
I just needed a little tree. Unfortunately, all of the ones left were huge. This sucked. Nonno was going to be pissed.
He was already mad enough because I’d arrived back in Meadowbrook later than usual. It was the first year I hadn’t brought him a fresh tree to put in his room ahead of Christmas. He said he hadn’t asked my father to set one up because it was my job. He’d intentionally waited until the last minute, after I arrived in town, so I could do the honors.
Currently, I was at the only place still open and selling Christmas trees this late in the game on Christmas Eve. After I’d gotten here this afternoon, I’d barely had time to unpack before my grandfather started blowing up my phone. He’s lucky I love him. Unfortunately, love wasn’t enough to save this night, and at this point, I was debating pulling a bush out of the ground somewhere. Nonno insisted on a real tree because he liked the fresh-pine smell. Like many things, he said it reminded him of my grandmother. My grandparents wouldn’t have been caught dead with a fake tree when I was growing up.
My search for a tiny tree was further derailed the moment I spotted her: Kiki. I immediately hid behind the nearest evergreen. Peeking through the branches, I could see she was with Aspyn’s mother and a man I assumed was Aspyn’s dad. My chest tightened. The sight of her made me yearn to see Aspyn tonight. But that wasn’t possible. I couldn’t let her know I was in town until the day after Christmas, because we needed to talk, and I didn’t want to ruin her holiday by upsetting her. But beyond December 26, it wouldn’t be able to wait.
If Kiki saw me tonight, Aspyn would know I was back in New Jersey and hadn’t told her I was coming home for Christmas. She would be unhappy, and that would spill over to Kiki. I might’ve done a lot of crappy things in my life, but up until now, shitting on a kid’s Christmas wasn’t one of them. I wanted to keep it that way.
Kiki and her grandparents had their backs to me as I made a beeline past them, headed to the parking lot. I’d get my ass handed to me by Nonno for coming back empty-handed, but I had no choice but to leave.
In my rush to exit the premises, I didn’t watch where I was going, and I bumped right into someone. “I’m sorry, I—”
I lost my words the moment I realized I was staring into Aspyn’s shocked eyes.
Aspyn
“Aspyn…” he whispered.
Cold air billowed from my mouth. “What are you doing here?”
“I…came to get my grandfather a tree. But they don’t have one small enough.” He fumbled on his words. “I was…gonna call you the day after Christmas.”
I crossed my arms. “You don’t owe me a call.”
“The fuck I don’t.” He exhaled. “Look, nothing is what it seems like, okay? We really need to talk. But it’s not going to be an easy conversation. I don’t want to ruin your Christmas. So I chose not to tell you I was home until the twenty-sixth.”
“You think I’m gonna be able to focus on anything else besides you now that I know you’re back, and you just said that to me? You haven’t wanted to have a real conversation with me in weeks. I don’t even know what happened. You’ve already ruined my Christmas, Serrano. You might as well just say what you have to say now.”
“Fuck,” he muttered, looking down at the snow-covered ground.
A long moment of silence ensued as passersby moved around us, carrying their last-minute trees through the parking lot.
“I’m sorry. That was harsh,” I said. “I’m shocked to see you, that’s all.”
“I know.” He looked up. “I, uh, saw Kiki and your parents. They didn’t see me.”
“My parents’ furnace isn’t working. So we have to do Christmas at my place instead of theirs. Stupid me didn’t want to get a tree this year, so I wasn’t prepared. That’s what I get. We have no choice but to bring home one of these gargantuan trees at the last minute that they have left over. I don’t even know if it will fit in my house. The ceilings are pretty low.”
“Troy!” Kiki came running toward us.
He forced a huge smile, pretending to be surprised to see her. “Kiki! Hey!”
My poor niece looked so damn happy. “I can’t believe you’re back!”
“Yeah. I came home to see my grandad for Christmas.”
Her smile faded. “Not to see us?”
His mouth opened and closed a time or two before he finally said, “I was gonna come see you after Christmas, actually. I didn’t want to interrupt your family time.”
“Oh.” She looked over at me. “We think we found a tree that might fit.”
My father appeared. “It’s gonna be a bitch getting it on the top of my car.” He nodded toward Troy. “Who’s this?”
“This is Troy,” my mother answered from behind him.
My father’s eyes widened. “The guy who broke up with you?”
“No!” Troy blurted.
I arched my brow. “No?”
“No,” Troy whispered, his eyes searing into mine.
Confused, I turned to my dad. “He was always supposed to move back to Seattle. It was never permanent. It’s all good.”
The five of us stood in awkward silence until Troy pointed to his Range Rover. “Listen, I have a roof rack. I’d be happy to throw that thing on top of my car and drive it back for you.”
My father looked skeptical. “Only if it’s okay with my daughter.”
We’d be here all night trying to secure that tree to my dad’s car, so I agreed. “That would be great. Thank you.”
Troy followed my dad back over to the trees, and Kiki ran after them, leaving me alone with my mother.
“He just happened to be here?” she asked.
“Yeah. He came to find a small tree for his granddad, apparently. He wasn’t even going to tell me he was in town.”
“We don’t have to go along with this, you know.”
“No. It’s fine.” I sighed. “We need to get this tree home. I owe it to Kiki after being so damn stubborn about not having one.”
Since I’d met them here, I followed my dad’s car back to my house. Troy’s Range Rover drove behind me with the tree affixed to the top. We were in separate cars, not speaking, yet the weight of everything unsaid felt overpowering. I had so many questions, but no words to articulate any of them.
It was only 5 PM, but it was already dark, and light snowflakes had begun to fall.
After we got to my place, Troy and my dad carried the tree inside, but to everyone’s dismay, it was indeed too tall to fit.
“What are we gonna do?” Kiki cried.