He sounded strange when he said it, but I chalked it up to the general stress from the day.
My wedding day. The day I got left at the altar like the plot of a Julia Roberts rom-com. I wasn’t sure where they got the “com” part of it because so far this felt much more like a drama or tragedy. Suddenly, the life I could picture ahead of me so easily was simply… gone. And in its place loomed a great big dark void. Everything in my life involved Erin. My best friend and hers were brother and sister. Her father was my boss. Her mother was the person who made soup for me when I came down with a cold.
I sighed and hopped out onto the snowy gravel drive. So much for the sweet relief of medical mood boosters. Other than a nice solid nap, that had been a bust. Before long, I’d be back in a downward spiral of guilt and second-guessing. Surely Erin hadn’t decided she needed “adventure” out of nowhere. There was a reason, and it was my not being a good enough boyfriend. Fiancé. Whatever.
“Cut that shit out and help me with this stuff,” Julian snapped from the back of the SUV. “Leave the skis. Let’s just take in our suitcases for now.”
After we got our stuff to the door and Julian entered the code on the cabin’s numeric keypad, the front door unlocked. The cabin was as quaint on the inside as it was on the outside. Even though it was mostly one big open room with living, dining, and kitchen spaces all in one, it looked homey and inviting in the best way. The biggest feature in the space was the expansive stone fireplace already set for a real wood fire. I’d noticed a covered rack of wood on the front porch, which meant we wouldn’t even need to traipse down into the snow to get more.
It was exactly the kind of place I could imagine spending a week in while licking my wounds. I let out a big breath and tried to get my shoulders to relax.
“This is nice. How long did you rent it for?”
Julian crinkled his forehead. “I bought it. It’s mine.”
I stared at him. “You bought a cabin in Aster Valley without telling me?”
He busied himself putting down our bags and fiddling with the thermostat on the wall. “I told you about it. It wasn’t a secret.”
It only took two strides for me to reach him. I grasped his arm and turned him to face me. “No you didn’t. You didn’t tell me you bought a place in Aster Valley. I would have remembered. I would have…” I stopped to try and figure out why it was bothering me so much. “I would have panicked.”
Jules searched my eyes to see if I was joking. “Panicked.”
“Yes. What does this mean? Are you moving here? Are you leaving Denver? Is this just a vacation place?”
Julian put a hand on my chest. “Calm down. Take a breath. You know I’ve been doing legal work for Tiller and Mikey’s resort.”
I nodded. “So you just need a place to crash when you’re here, right?”
He hesitated, and I felt my heart rate spike.
Please tell me you’re not leaving me, too.
Julian must have sensed where my head was because he patted my chest reassuringly. “Babe. Aster Valley isn’t that much farther from Vail than Denver is. It’s just in a different direction.”
“Yeah, but I’m always in Denver for…” I stopped. I only ever went to Denver anymore to see Erin unless there were family things scheduled with the Rokas and Thick families. “Oh. Fuck me.”
I rolled my eyes and moved away from him, moving over to start a fire so I’d have something to do. There was crumpled newspaper, small bits of kindling, and split logs stacked perfectly in the grate. I reached for one of the long matches in a decorative thing nearby and struck it before poking it into the newspaper here and there.
“Who still gets a newspaper?” I muttered. “I mean, that’s some vintage shit right there.”
Julian came over to peer over my shoulder. I noticed the familiar scent of his hair gel. “They sell it in stacks at the store here. It’s cheap.”
“You know what we could use for a fire starter when this stuff runs out?” I asked. “My marriage license. I think I have it here somewhere. Might do us some good. Ball it up and shove it in the grate before putting a match to it.”
Julian’s warm hand came down to rest between my neck and my shoulder. He rubbed a strong thumb into the tight muscle there and worked through the worst of the tension spots. I tried not to groan in relief.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “It sucks. I still can’t believe she left. I could throttle her.”
I stood up and moved to the sofa before dropping down on it and kicking my shoes off so I could put my feet up on the coffee table. “I’m telling you, she did the right thing, Jules. As much as it hurts, I want her to be happy.” I wanted me to be happy, too.
Julian came over and sat on the other end of the sofa to face me, putting his arm along the back of the plump cushions. Now that I was calmer, I recognized his taste in the room along with a few of his personal effects. He had a way of decorating a place to make it both put together like a professional designer would but also make it homey and comfortable.
I pulled the soft blanket off the back of the sofa and tossed one end over his lap while pulling the other end over mine. He flicked it off his lap in annoyance.
“How can you say that? How can you tell me on the day you were prepared to promise your whole fucking life to her that you’ve changed your mind that easily?”
Julian’s emotions were a volatile mix of anger and confusion, and I couldn’t blame him. But I also didn’t know how to explain to him that I’d never really felt that fairy-tale spark of romantic love with Erin that everyone said I should. That was her point.
“Can we not talk about this right now?” I suggested. “Not exactly in the mood for your lectures about doing right by her when she was the one who walked out on me.”
His face fell. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just…”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
I reached out and poked one of the fingers he had resting on the back of the sofa. “I know,” I said again. I took a breath and tried smiling at him. “Please tell me you have some Little Dragon Chicken and Broccoli in that kitchen.”
He rolled his eyes. “I wish. But there’s stuff to make stir-fry if that’s what you’re in the mood for.”
I couldn’t imagine eating just yet, but I knew I needed to force myself to eat if I wanted to drink any more tonight. And I definitely wanted to drink some more tonight. “Yeah. Let’s do that. I can show off my knife skills and do a little show for you.”
He pushed off the sofa. “Not sure handing you a chef’s knife is a good idea right now, Parks.”
“Nonsense. I’ve had some whiskey and Valium. It’ll be fine.”
Julian chuckled as we made our way into the kitchen. The sound of it did more to relax me than the mini massage he’d given me or any of the chemicals I’d consumed. Maybe I wouldn’t need to get drunk tonight. Maybe I just needed to spend some more time in my best friend’s company without having to worry about what I said or did.
He’d always been my confidant, my good-luck charm, and my port in a storm. I was grateful he’d let me crash his vacation even though we both knew I’d probably be miserable company the whole time.