He sniffed again. “Yeah, I know. Okay.”
I grumbled about his asshole parents while he nestled back against my shoulder.
“I like staying with you,” Parker admitted softly a few minutes later. “Everything’s better when I’m with you.”
I let out a snort. “You just like the snacks my mom gets.”
He pinched my side. “Yeah, so? I also like that I don’t have to care about what I say and do when I’m with you. I can just be… regular me.”
“Same. It’s more fun when you’re here. I wish you lived here all the time.” And I meant it. Parker was my favorite person, and if I could have him with me every minute, my life would be just about perfect.
“Yeah.”
“No matter what, we have each other, right?” I said. “No matter what, it’s you and me, together.”
“Always,” Parker added with a nod.
He got out of bed, grabbed my math notebook and pen from my desk, and scribbled something on it before tearing off half of a page and handing it to me with a flourish.
You and me. Always.
“Remember what we learned in English? Once you make a pledge in writing and agree to it, it’s pretty much law,” he said before settling back down under the covers. “At least, it will be for us.”
My dad had always implied he wanted me to get a law degree one day and join him in running our family’s mining business. I definitely didn’t know much about the law yet, but I was almost positive there was more to a contract than just writing it down. There were supposed to be signatures involved. And a judge, maybe.
But I didn’t say any of that, because this promise was about something more important than laws; it was about friendship. And intention. And love.
After reading the words several times over with reverence, I put it on my bedside table. “I agree.”
We got quiet again, but after a while, Parker started talking. This was normal for him. I called it the daily download. He needed to get all of the thoughts off his brain before he could fall asleep.
“What did Hazel mean when she said Erin was her best friend?”
“Huh?” I’d started to fall asleep again, so it took me a minute to try and figure out what he was asking.
“Tonight at dinner. She called Erin her best friend. It just seemed weird.”
“It’s not weird. They’re close like we are.”
He let out a snort. “Not like us. They’re not best friends. They’re…”
“Erin is Hazel’s closest friend, and Hazel is Erin’s. That’s what it means, Parks. Best friends.”
Parker sat up and peered down at me. “If they’re best friends, then you and I are more than best friends. You’re my… my…” He paused while trying to think up a word.
“Go on,” I teased. “I’ll wait. Pretty sure it’s just called best friends.”
Parker got an evil grin on his face. “You’re my lil’ Peanut.”
“Oh, no you didn’t. That nickname needs to die, Shortbread.” I launched myself at him, pinching and wrestling and yanking his hair, all the while laughing and secretly coveting every moment of close contact with him.
When we finally pulled away from each other, both of us breathing heavily and me half-hard, I scrambled off the bed toward the bathroom. “Gotta pee.”
I closed the door behind me and shoved my hand down my pajama pants to squeeze my dick. This had happened before. Both Parker and I had gotten hard around each other, but we’d ignored it or joked around about it.
We’d always been closer than most friends. When Parker first spent the night at my house in second grade, there had been a really bad thunderstorm. After a scary crack of thunder, Parker had scrambled from the other twin bed into mine, and we’d held hands until the flash of lightning lit up the entire room. We snuggled together, holding each other tight until the storm finally went away.
The next morning, Mom had found us tangled up together in my bed for the first of what had turned out to be many times. After that, it was easy being physically close to him. He was touch-starved anyway, according to my mom. So we all made a point of giving him lots of hugs, and I used every movie night as a chance to hold his hand or snuggle with him on the sofa.
When a birthday sleepover with six guys last year had resulted in us breaking both of my beds, my parents had replaced them with one queen-sized bed.
“You and Parker will just have to make do,” Mom had said with a shrug. “You were already getting too tall for those little beds anyway.”
We hadn’t minded. The queen was plenty big for our two tall but scrawny bodies.
But lately, it was getting harder for me to sleep tangled up in him without wanting to touch him that way. I already knew I liked guys, but I also knew that telling Parker I liked him like that could make things really weird between us.
I didn’t want that. I didn’t want anything screwing up what we already had together.
As for who Parker was attracted to, I had no clue. He wasn’t really into girls, and he wasn’t really into guys. The person he seemed happiest spending time with was me… well, except when he was getting ski lessons from my dad or Mr. Rokas, Erin’s dad, who coached the high school ski team. Maybe he was ski-sexual.
That thought was enough to make my boner quit. I walked back into the room laughing.
“What’s so funny?” Parker asked. I couldn’t see his face anymore since I’d turned off the bathroom light.
“I decided you’re ski-sexual.”
“What the fuck?” he asked. I could hear the grin on his face.
“Ski-sexual. I think you’re in love with skiing and want to marry it.”
I climbed back into bed but didn’t reach for him. My boner was gone but not forgotten. It wouldn’t take much for it to flare back to life.
Parker lay back and sighed. “If I could, I would. I love being out there. It’s peaceful and quiet but also exciting, you know?”
“Yeah.”
“What made you think about sex, though?” he asked. “Were you in there jacking off or something?”
I squeezed my eyes closed and wondered if this was the time to tell him I was gay. Parker wouldn’t care about that, but I didn’t know for sure if it would make him less likely to want to share a bed with me. Still… I couldn’t keep such a big secret from him anymore.
“No, but… I kinda wanted to.”
He turned over on his side and propped his head on his hand. “Why didn’t you? You can, you know. I don’t care.”
I leaned over and turned the side lamp on its dimmest setting. I needed to see his face when I told him.
“I’m gay,” I said.
He blinked and waited for me to say something else. When I didn’t, he tilted his head. “I… know? I mean… I guess I didn’t know if you liked girls and guys, but I know you like guys. I’m your best friend, Jules.”
I blew out a breath. “And… you’re okay with it?”
His face turned angry. “First of all, yes, of course I’m okay with it. But also? No one gets to not be okay with it. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to feel the way you do and like the things or guys you do. And if anyone gives you hell about it, I’ll punch them in the fucking face.”