It is heavily stained with gray.
I can see the conflict, the apprehension, and the hesitation.
But I also see the desire, the passion, and the hunger, which outweighs everything else.
It is a most blissful bubble.
And my God, I hope it never pops.
Chapter Thirty
MASSIMO
I crack open my eyes, cringing when my reality stares me in the face in the form of the Grim Reaper and his sickle. I squeeze them shut for a second to clear the ominous hallucination from my line of vision.
When I dare open them again, I see Kristina’s still form, her pink lips puckered and her face relaxed and more tranquil than I think I’ve seen it since the day we met.
I roll onto my back and peer over my shoulder, my chest tightening. The Grim Reaper is back, hovering over my shoulder, the evil hidden beneath his tattered black robe.
But I can still feel its presence.
It’s heavy in the air, a dark and toxic cloud that swirls around my head, eager to poison everything good in my life.
Because that’s what I deserve.
I made choices that put a lot of people in danger.
I could have made other ones so that the people closest to me didn’t have to suffer.
Joey and his family paid, and continue to pay, the price of my many mistakes.
And I should have killed Savio eight years ago.
But I didn’t because even though that demonic blood runs through my veins, too, I wanted to prove myself to him.
Well, I did a great fucking job because here I am, his goddamn personal puppet.
And instead of me holding his head to the flames as was my original intention, Savio has me chained to a wall, surrounded by nefarious bastards lined up to start hurling axes at my head.
I scrub a hand down the front of my face.
My options are pretty damn limited, especially if Savio and Lugo are working together. I don’t trust either of them.
But that tells me Savio still needs me on the inside for some reason.
A reason I can’t fucking figure out.
My temples pound and I press my fingertips against them to stop the rush of blood and angst from crippling my ability to think and strategize.
I know one thing for sure.
If I make a misstep, my friends and family are fucked.
He’s got me exactly where he wants me, where he’s wanted to put me ever since the day I walked out of his house.
Revenge.
It has everything to do with me.
Except I can’t figure out why he hasn’t made a move yet.
I fling an arm over my eyes, letting out a deep sigh.
Blackness.
I’m submerged in it with one lifeline to the light.
Kristina.
But she’s in danger of sinking deeper into it, too.
If I cling to her, we’re both screwed.
If I let her go…fuck.
I don’t think I can let her go.
Light fingertips dance over my skin, and I slide my arm away from my eyes to meet her sleepy gaze.
“Hey,” she whispers, crawling toward me.
“Hey,” I say, stroking the back of her head.
She rubs her eyes. “How long did we sleep for?”
I twist to grab my phone. “About an hour. It’s twelve now.”
“Some morning, huh?”
“Yeah.”
She leans down, her lips leaving a trail of soft kisses down the side of my arm.
It’s sweet and intimate.
My gut wrenches.
I don’t deserve it.
I can only cause her pain.
Because after all of these years, I still can’t seem to rise above my circumstances and grasp the control that keeps evading me.
I swore to myself a long time ago that I’d never let Savio wield any bit of power over me again.
Yet, here I am, sinking fast into a quagmire of rage and regret.
I never should have given her false hope that there can actually be something between us.
You can’t build anything on a foundation of lies and deception.
And I know nothing else.
My entire existence came about because of the evil that courses through Savio.
I am a byproduct of that devastation.
How the fuck could I ever think I’d be more?
Kristina slips closer still, the ends of her hair tickling my skin.
She’s so fresh and innocent, so bright and shiny.
Being with me can only tarnish that perfection.
“We can’t hide here forever,” she says.
“I know.”
“But I want to.” She nestles farther into my chest. “I feel like everything around me is crumbling and you’re the only sure thing I can count on.”
Ha! The fucking irony.
“You’re so strong,” I murmur. “You don’t need anyone, do you realize that? I wish you could see what I do.”
She pulls herself to a kneeling position. “I want to believe you. I want to be the person you see.”
“For the past two weeks, you’ve done everything to keep your sisters safe. You’ve put yourself in the line of fire to protect them. And you’ve never cowered once. You’re a take-charge kind of girl. It’s really badass.” I force a smile.
“I don’t feel that way,” she murmurs. “I feel like a scared girl who is only reacting to the shit that keeps getting thrown my way, not being proactive and figuring out how to prevent it and overcome it all.”
That sounds familiar.
“And I can’t be that person, Massimo.” She toys with a ring on her right hand…what looks to be her mother’s wedding ring.
It means something to her because her parents loved each other and their girls.
It represents a sense of family I’ve never known with my own parents.
“You already are,” I say, lacing my fingers with hers. “I wish you would believe it.”
“How can I? I am clueless right now. I still have no idea who killed my parents, and the more time that passes, the more threats pop up. The only thing I know for sure is that my father had a lot of enemies — and they obviously want something from me. I don’t know how any of the dots connect. I have no clue how to handle my father’s business dealings, or what the heck I’m supposed to do with his seat in the syndicate. And then there’s Savio.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m supposed to trust him to guide me through all of this? You know, I haven’t even spoken to him since the funeral. He seemed to be very focused on keeping me and the girls away from danger. Maybe he’s relying on you for that?”
“He and I are in close contact,” I say cautiously. “He knows I have everything handled.”
“Is he going to let me in on the details about my role? Because I feel like a total recluse right now, and there’s a permanent crick in my neck from constantly having to look over my shoulder. I gave up a lot with school and my career when I was thrown into this mafia queen shit. And I won’t live in fear for the rest of my life if this is what I have to do. But I just need to know what I have to do.”
“You’re going to make the right decisions. And you will be successful because that’s who you are. Things will fall into place. And Savio will guide you.”
I almost choke on those last words.
Savio will guide her straight into the pits of hell unless I stop him first.