No, over a decade.
It’s crazy how much the passage of time can change someone’s perspective about everything.
Eleven years ago, I would’ve melted if Daniel had so much as looked at me. If he’d touched me, I would’ve flown to euphoria land in no time.
Because of him, I was mentally and physically sick numerous times. Because of him, I hid in toilets and cried where no one could see the proud Nicole being weak.
And because of him, my life took a sharp dive for the worst.
But that’s been long over.
That’s in the past.
It’s strange how years and events can change a person. How our perspectives can flip one hundred eighty degrees as if it exists in a parallel universe.
I wish that were the case. I wish I’d first met him now and he was just my boss. Maybe then, he wouldn’t be such a jerk.
Maybe then, I wouldn’t be thinking about the way his fingers are wrapped around my elbow or how they burn through my shirt and reach the skin.
He’s always grabbed me by the elbow, almost as if he doesn’t want to touch any other part of me.
But that doesn’t lessen the impact of the gesture or how that small nook of my body is nearing the point of self-destruction.
I dare to slowly lift my gaze and search his in an attempt to wrap my chaotic mind around this.
But the moment my eyes clash with his, I wish I hadn’t looked at him.
I even wish I’d never met him again. I wish our ill-fated connection had died the day he metaphorically killed me eleven years ago.
Because the way he’s watching me?
It’s nothing short of domineering. His square jaw is set and his nostrils are flaring and those eyes that I once found solace in? They’re now judging me, worse than a criminal who’s being prosecuted in court.
Just like everyone else did back then.
Daniel is no different than them. If anything, he should be offered the leadership of my anti-fan club.
Yes, he’s a man now, but he’s still the boy who punched my heart and stomped all over it as if my feelings meant nothing.
He’s still the boy who gave me malevolent butterflies and caused my heart to be dangerously wild by merely existing.
He’s still the one person I can’t forget, no matter how much I attempt to.
“Can you please let me go?” I don’t know how the hell I sound calm when a wildfire is erupting inside me.
“Why?” His voice drops to an almost sinister edge. “Are you uncomfortable?”
“Yes. Surely you know this is sexual harassment.”
Daniel lowers his head so he can speak near my ear in a whisper-like range. “You of all people shouldn’t be talking about sexual harassment when you put a date rape drug in my drink.”
I go still, cold sweat breaking down my back and across my forehead.
This is the first time he’s shown an inkling of recognizing me. Ever since yesterday, I’d started to question myself and think that maybe he’d truly erased me from his life.
I thought that maybe I’d become invisible again and that I was only existing as a punching bag he could take his jerk attitude out on.
But no.
He remembers.
No clue why that fills me with equal parts dread and relief.
But that doesn’t matter right now, because his words echo inside me like a hungry beast.
“Is that what you think? That I put a date rape drug in your drink?”
“It’s a fact, not a mere thought. That night, you put a drug in a drink and I happened to take it, but you didn’t stop me.”
“You didn’t give me the chance to. Besides, that was ecstasy, which has the purpose of making someone feel good. It’s not a date rape drug, and I took one myself.”
I have no idea why I’m explaining this to him. I shouldn’t. I wouldn’t usually, because it’s useless. Daniel takes everyone’s word as fact except for mine.
I get it, he labeled me a liar, manipulator, and backstabber when we were kids, but it doesn’t hurt any less to know that whatever I have to say holds no value to him.
He tightens his hold on my elbow until it turns painful. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you take the drug? Was it so you and Christopher could have a good time? Did I happen to ruin your fucking plan, Nicole?”
A full-body shudder overtakes me, partly because of the way he said my name when it’s only been an impersonal Ms. Adler up until now. But mostly, it’s due to the fact that I’m going through a shock reaction.
I recognize it, even though it’s simmering in the dark corners I spent years burying and hiding from everyone’s reach.
So how come one insinuation from Daniel, one sentence, and the feeling is banging on the surface, trying to claw it open?
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my breathing sharpens, moving in sync with the flutters in my stomach.
All I can smell is weed, strong and potent, and it’s mixed with cigarettes and the stench of musk.
I’m going to throw up.
Shit. Shit.
“Let me go,” I whisper.
“Did I hit a nerve?”
“Please.” I stare up at him at the same time that a tear slides down my cheek. “I know you hate me, and I’m fine with that. I’m fine with the way you treat me as if I’m a rock in your shoe. I’m fine with calling you sir and stomping on the last bit of my dignity to be your assistant, but I beg you, stop touching me.”
Any decent human being would do that. Any normal person would at least pause at the sight of tears that came out of nowhere, in spite of my attempts to never show them.
Daniel isn’t decent, though. Far from it.
Not only does he grip my elbow harder, but he also reaches a hand to my face.
I’m disoriented by the time his thumb wipes beneath my eye. Then he rubs them, his thumb and my tears, against his forefinger. But it’s not the gesture that makes me pause. It’s the fascination in his gaze, the way he looks like a researcher who just made a discovery.
It’s so rare to see Daniel enamored by anything. He’s always treated life as either a game or a chore—never a subject to be absorbed in. Never something to be fascinated with.
But he is now, as he crushes my tears between his fingers with both care and sadism.
“So you do cry.”
Before I can react to his words, he grabs me by my nape, the pads of his fingers closing in on the sides. It’s like a chokehold, but backward, and it’s so familiar that I can’t suck in air into my lungs.
Keeping me immobile, he leans down so his face is mere inches away from mine.
His eyes appear like a bottomless ocean in the middle of a night storm.
Dark.
Dangerous.
Deadly.
“Why the fuck do you think you can cry? Do you feel wronged? Victimized? Or maybe you still need sacrifices at your bitchy altar for old time’s sake. No matter what’s the case, know this, Nicole, I’m going to personally make your life a bloody hell. I’ll destroy everything you build and ruin any goals you’re aiming for. I’ll smash you to pieces and ensure you don’t have the ability to pick them up or mend them together. I’ll make you wish you’d never fucking showed up in front of me.” He releases me with a jerk. “Now get out of my fucking sight. I don’t want to see your face unless it's absolutely necessary.”