“You’re not worth what I pay you now,” he said brutally to fob her off.
“Maybe not. But I show up twice a week to have sex with you, and I have for ten years. That’s worth something.” There wasn’t even a shred of friendship between them. Just sex and money. But she needed the money now for her kids, just as she did when she accepted his rotten deal and allowed him to blackmail her into sex with him.
“If you make trouble for me, I told you what would happen. I can turn the whole publishing industry against you if I wanted to, and you’ll never get another job.” He had used that threat to control her for ten years.
“And who’s going to show up for you twice a week? I’ve lived up to my end of the deal,” she reminded him. “I need the money for my kids.” She realized then that they never even called each other by name. He had never called her Francine, and she had never called him Dan. “I could go to Bob Benson,” she said, and he looked frightened, “and tell him you’ve blackmailed me into having sex with you for a decade.” But she was too ashamed to do that and too afraid to risk her job if she stopped meeting him, and Dan knew it. He had her by the throat, but at least he could pay for it now. She deserved a raise and he knew that too.
“You’re a bitch,” he snarled at her. “I’ll take care of it. Now get out of my office.” She turned on her heel and walked out. She was shaking when she went back to her office and HR notified her that afternoon that there would be a raise in her next paycheck. It wasn’t huge, but it would help, for Tommy’s therapy and whatever Thalia needed, in addition to a prom dress and college. She wished she had the guts not to meet him on Central Park West anymore, but she didn’t. His threats were too believable. She was convinced he was capable of telling some lie about her, firing her, and casting enough doubt about her character that she wouldn’t get another job. And she couldn’t afford to lose the one she had, even if it included sex with Dan Fletcher. She had done it for so long, what difference did it make now?
She had passed Allie in the hall on her way back to her office. They didn’t speak to each other after their altercation the day before over the naked pictures of her with Clay. We’re all whores in our own way, Francine thought, and we make the compromises we have to. At least hers were for her kids. She had no idea what Allie’s excuse was, other than having fun and sleeping with younger guys.
Merriwether had had an argument with her husband that morning too. Jeff wanted her to go to a party with him at the Whitney Museum. It sounded like a nice evening, but she had promised to spend some time after hours with Bob Benson, discussing how they were managing the agency’s money, and how Goldman Sachs was handling their investments. She’d been promising to spend time on it with him for months, and she’d never gotten to it.
“Why is the agency always your priority and never me or Annabelle?” Jeff had said angrily, and she felt guilty as soon as he said it. He was right. Her job was her priority and always had been. It was the truth she always tried to hide.
“I love you,” she said. “I want to be here for both of you, but if you expect me to carry everything financially, then we both have to make sacrifices. I have a big job, Jeff. I have responsibilities. I can’t be here to play the little woman every night.” He had slammed out of the kitchen and gone upstairs to the office where he wrote every day. She had taken Annabelle to school, and her daughter looked at her with big sad eyes. Merriwether didn’t know how to explain it to her.
She used to think she had the perfect life, and a perfect marriage, and she no longer did. She no longer believed there was such a thing. There had to be balance in a relationship, and equality—they both had to put something in. She was supporting them and using everything she earned to give them a good life, while Jeff contributed nothing and pursued his writing career. And he claimed he spent more time with their daughter, to make her feel guilty. In fact, their nanny spent more time with her. Merriwether couldn’t do it during the week when she was working. She spent her weekends with Annabelle, and Jeff played tennis with his friends and did what he wanted. He considered weekends his “days off.”
He didn’t spend time with Merriwether and their daughter on the weekends because he claimed that he did that all week long, but he didn’t. He wrote all week, or said he did, and played all weekend. Merriwether realized that she was lonely with him. They used to have a real relationship, but they no longer did. They had an arrangement in which she did all the work and contributed all the money, and he contributed nothing, and complained about her working to make her feel guilty. She could no longer figure out what he brought to their marriage.
She came home late every night because she was tired of hearing him complain about her. All he did was make her feel guilty for providing them with a good life, which he never appreciated. It was a lopsided arrangement. She was getting tired of his making her feel bad about it. She was the “bad girl” who supported the family. She was tired of being scolded all the time. She was a good girl. A very good girl. The only person who didn’t think so was her husband.
Benjie sent Jane a text that afternoon. He wanted to go out to dinner and a movie, and then spend the night at her place. It sounded like fun, but she was excited about the manuscript Hailey had given her to read that night. It was a big deal for Jane to be evaluating unknown writers who wanted to be represented by the agency. Their fate was in her hands, and it was a vote of confidence on Hailey’s part, and Jane didn’t want to blow it. She had promised to have the latest one done by the end of the week, and she didn’t want to let Hailey down.
Jane texted him back. “Can’t. Have to work tonight. How about this weekend?”
He answered. “Do you sleep there? Third time you’ve turned me down. Still room for a guy in your life? Or have you traded real life in for your career?”
“Really sorry. Just got a big project. Hope to be free by Friday.”
His final response was “Never mind. I get the message loud and clear.” She hated texts for things like this. He was obviously pissed at her. He had warned her when she took the job not to give up her personal life for her career. Wasn’t it possible to have both, she wondered, a relationship and a job? Why did it have to be one or the other?
She wondered if she’d hear from Benjie again, or if he was done. He never had to work late. But he wasn’t on a career path either. All he had to do was show up for work, hang out with the other kids in shorts and flip-flops, play Catch Phrase at lunchtime, hang out at the candy bar, have a beer at the keg on Friday afternoons, and bring his dog to work if he had one. Jane had a grown-up job that was putting demands on her, and she wanted a promotion eventually and a real career one day. It was what her parents expected of her and what she wanted for herself. Benjie didn’t want his job to interfere with his fun. She wondered if he’d want to be Peter Pan forever. He wasn’t an adult. She was trying to be one.
Allie and Eric had dinner at a neighborhood deli that night. A few people recognized him from the show he’d already been on, but most people didn’t.
“It’s all going to be very different a year from now, you know,” Allie warned him as he ate a hot pastrami sandwich and she had chicken salad.