I’d wasted an hour inside the medical ward with a new practitioner. Eliran had been teaching several more before we had lost him in the war. The new healer was proficient, and his skill was vastly knowledgeable, but he didn’t have the same bedside manner as Eliran. I’d been bandaged and monitored for labor before Ryder surrendered and stopped threatening to strangle the poor healers who he’d summoned to treat a simple stab wound that had missed important tissue, ligaments, and organs.
The unusual circumstance of how Zahruk, a skilled assassin and warrior, had missed everything vital was perplexing. A couple of inches higher, and he’d have severed my carotid artery. If Zahruk wished to seriously injure me, he’d have done so. It made me think that he’d chosen to leave a flesh wound, which left a bit of hope that Zahruk was still inside his body somewhere and had enough influence to direct the blow.
I’d just gotten done telling Ryder what had happened after Arius had taken me, and he’d been letting the silence stretch between us. His gold-colored eyes were too painful for me to see. They were just another reminder that Kahleena was likely lost to us already, and we could do nothing to change it or learn her fate.
Adjusting in the chair, I grimaced at the ache that rolled from my spine and around my midsection. Ristan, Ciara, Blane, and Icelyn were all regarding me with wariness churning on their faces.
“You mentioned Kahleena had referred to him as Arius?” Ristan clarified, severing the tension increasing within the room.
“Yes, and he spoke of the Etherlands,” I supplied, concealing the pain from the cramps in my lower abdomen that were growing stronger with each wave. “He intends to reclaim what Danu stole from him and his people. I think he intends to be king—or maybe he’s already their king. Either way, he claims the land has chosen him.”
“That means we should gather supplies,” Blane suggested, unwilling to lay Fury down even though he’d fallen asleep a while ago. “I’ll send men out to get more and see if the caravans of incoming resources are visible from the air.”
“No,” I muttered, rubbing my eyes. “They won’t make it here before they’re seized. Everything that’s happening, the storm included, is by his design and meant to weaken us. I mean, think about it. What happens when you’re freezing and starving?”
“You fight for resources, which causes unrest and fractures loyalties,” Blane growled while rubbing his son’s back.
“So, how do we work around it?” Ristan asked with his brow creased and worry stamped on his sharp features. “All we have to do is send people out in a way that doesn’t appear as if we’re making supply runs. We can do it easily.”
“Arius stated he had eyes on us and that even some of our allies were infected. That’s why I used the dagger on Zahruk. When I found him feeding inside the feeder rooms, I knew it wasn’t Zahruk who fed. It was whatever is inside him that has been starving for a long time. He turned on me, and I honestly don’t know if he would have attacked if Ristan hadn’t intervened. There’s also the way he moves and behaves, which both seem off.” Ryder held my gaze for a moment before glancing away without a remark. I didn’t remove my focus from his face, studying the tic jerk, and then hammered on his cheek. His hands clenched, curling into fists while hostility billowed off him.
“You entered the feeding room alone? You thought that was where you needed to be, Synthia?” Ryder spat the words out through gritted teeth. Resentment and scorn were wrapped up in his question until it lingered between us. “I told you to stay away from Zahruk while I was away. Can’t you fucking listen to me for once? If he would have . . .” He paused, unable to say what was already hanging heavily in the air between us.
I didn’t say the words I wanted to counter him with. Instead, I savored the bitterness of them, consuming them and the jagged, sharpened edges that cut acutely as I swallowed them.
“A feeder, or who I assumed was a feeder, exited the room in a disheveled state with welts on her throat, thighs, and arms. It appeared she’d been mishandled, so I sought to figure out who within the chamber would dare hurt her,” I growled through the cramps that were becoming tougher to ignore.
“You have no business entering those apartments.” He flung his hands in the air and then thrust his fingers through his mane before sauntering closer with darkness swelling in his eyes. “You should have summoned another to investigate the situation, wife.”
“I’ve been dealing with this entire kingdom with limited help, Ryder. Everyone here is drained and has grief of their own to deal with. And just so you know, I did look around for someone to help, but everyone else had their arms loaded with babes. Who should have I sent in there? Ristan? I suppose we could have widened Orion’s fucking carnal education early. Why not, right?” I growled, incapable of preventing the sarcasm from shooting into my tone. “Or maybe I should have taken over caring for one of the babies and sent another female into that room. Would that have been better? Tell me what I should have done, husband.”
“You should never have taken your fucking eyes off her. You shouldn’t have hosted a fucking feast to celebrate anything until the palace was cleared, and we were certain no threats waited in the shadows!” His words carved through me, and I staggered back, barely avoiding tilting my chair over. “She’s gone, and we can’t fucking shield her or keep her from being killed because you demanded normalcy and left the palace wide open and exposed our children to our enemies.” I tried to remember that he was hurting and didn’t mean the accusation he was spitting at me. He had been the one to suggest I plan a solstice celebration and try to find normalcy since I couldn’t be out helping search for Kahleena.
My breathing became strained, and I fisted my hands into the material of the skirt I wore. Stillness crowded the chamber, and I let out a shuddered gasp. Freeing the skirt, I clasped my hands at my sides, welcoming the sting of my nails cutting into my palms.
It seemed like everything was collapsing around me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Ice flowed down my spine, and I sucked in air as cramps blasted through me as I pushed to my feet. Anguish twisted through my stomach like a fist struggling to embed itself in my heart as I turned from him.
I walked away, holding my palm against my abdomen while I advanced toward the exit.
“Where the fuck are you going?” Ryder roared, causing me to stop and whirl on him. His chest lifted and fell with the emotions boiling through him still.
“I’m going to give birth to our baby,” I gritted coldly, resisting the tendrils of terror coiling through me. Then I turned back toward the door and forced my feet to move as murmurs filled the room. Ignoring them, I slipped out of the chamber to press my hand against the wall, seeking strength to make it to the infirmary before I collapsed. A hand landed on my shoulder, and I closed my eyes against the strength he lent me.
“I didn’t mean any of that,” Ryder murmured, raining kisses on the skin of my shoulder not covered by his palm. “I have never felt this powerless before. I watched you die, and it was life altering, but she’s our baby. We just got her back, and now she’s just fucking gone.”
“I know,” I responded. I knew how he felt in the same way I knew he hadn’t meant the brutally delivered remarks. I hadn’t called for a banquet or a party—he had. In our need to counterbalance the anguish the victory had cost us, we’d also craved normalcy for our children’s homecoming.