She’d always been a fierce woman. It was one of her many charms.
It seemed like a lifetime ago. “At the time I fit the profile. The CIA team I was on had a leak. Someone was giving out important intelligence and actively working against us. Big Tag had a couple of brothers on the team, so he stuck his nose in. They thought they were looking for someone who’d been turned while in captivity. I spent a couple of months as the guest of our enemy while I was in the Middle East. It isn’t completely unheard of for a person to break under torture and do things they normally wouldn’t. Three of us had been captured at some point. Me and Boomer and a guy we called Ace.”
Her expression softened. “I know. I mean I knew about you. Not about the others. I’m…I don’t even know what to say about that. There’s no I’m sorry that feels like enough.”
“It was a long time ago and like Sanctum, I’m all new and spiffy again.” Thanks to many years of therapy and the love of his family. Being around his nieces and nephews had done him a world of good. “Are you ready to see the inside?”
Her face flushed, and she went back to staring at the doors. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to get over how normal it looks. I thought it would look more like a nightclub, I guess.”
Deke tested the door and found it locked. Whoever Big Tag had sent to let them in wasn’t here yet. “I’ve found the club’s exterior charms usually reflect whoever built the place. Like this one. It’s utilitarian on the outside, but there’s a surprising amount of whimsy on the inside. Clubs are all different, though there are some things that are pretty much the same. You’ll find lots of the same equipment like benches and St. Andrew’s Crosses.”
“I’ve been reading books and watching documentaries so I could converse with Nolan.” She glanced around while Deke started texting.
“Sorry, someone was supposed to meet us here to let us in,” Deke explained. “The Domme in residence is not in fact in residence at the moment. She’s a lawyer and she’s got a big trial coming up, but someone should be here soon.”
“It’s bigger than I thought it would be.”
“That’s because most clubs aren’t run by ridiculously successful and obsessively competitive people.” Deke shot off a couple of texts and hoped for the best. The Ferguson Clinic was next door, and some of the people who worked there had keys and the alarm code to the club.
“I’m surrounded by those kinds of people.” She put a hand on the strap of her bag.
She was that kind of person. She’d always been competitive. He’d been the star football player but he’d been the laid-back one in their relationship. “Well, then we know what kind of club you’re going to enjoy.”
She took a long breath, the sun hitting her hair in a way that brought out all the different colors in her brown tresses. It was ridiculous to call her hair brown when it was a wild and lovely mix of chestnut and honey and auburn. “I think we should talk about that word you used. Enjoy. I’m not here to enjoy myself. I’m here to get a job done. I need you to make sure I know the basics, but I don’t think we should get too physical.”
He’d been almost certain they would have this conversation at some point, but it still felt like a kick to the gut. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her, and she didn’t want him to touch her. “I will absolutely not lay a hand on you if you don’t want me to. Anything that happens between us will be consensual, but you have to know how physical D/s can be.”
He had a couple of days before they needed to be back in California, and he intended to spend them working with her, building their cover as a couple.
And if that led to something more real, he was pretty sure he would be okay with that, too.
“I know there are many ways to practice,” she replied, a prim set to her mouth. “I’ve read up on this, Deke. I know what I’m doing.”
Ah, there was the arrogant academic. He wished that part of her didn’t make him hot, too. “I’m sure if I gave you a quiz, you would know every single answer. But D/s isn’t something you can think your way through. No one’s going to give you a test booklet with multiple choice questions and an essay for extra points. The way you’ll be assessed is based on our physicality. Did you tell your boss our relationship wasn’t physical? That I simply top you for accountability purposes?”
The arrogant look fled, and she bit that plump bottom lip the way she always did when she was trying to think her way through a problem. “Accountability? Like you punish me if I don’t get enough work done? I read about that. There was a section in a book I read about businesspeople who need someone watching them to stop them from procrastinating. It was on the history of the Dominatrix.”
He was sure she’d found that book illuminating, but it didn’t help her in this situation. “I know some people who hire a top to help them, but how do you think the punishment works? Also, I’m not that kind of top. I don’t live the lifestyle twenty-four seven. Most people don’t. I play. Do you understand what I mean by that?”
She nodded. “You are a sexual top. You don’t have D/s relationships outside the club.”
“Or the bedroom or wherever I and my partner choose to play. I can very likely handle the role of hands-on twenty-four seven if I need to, but I have to know what you’ve told your boss and how you think punishment will work if I don’t put hands on you.”
“In the book, the Dominatrix sometimes sent her clients into time-outs,” she offered. “Humiliation was often a consequence.”
He frowned her way. “Do you think I’m going to make you sit in a corner? Maybe eat your dinner from a dog bowl?”
“No. Of course not. But spanking also seems a bit extreme.”
“Have you tried it?”
“Have you?” Maddie countered.
“Absolutely.”
That seemed to stump her. “Seriously? You let someone spank you. Like you’re a naughty kid?”
“No. I let someone spank me like I’m an adult who consented to it.” He was surprised at her tone. “I’ve experimented in a lot of ways when it comes to sex. Being comfortable with my body and my sexuality was an important choice for me to make.”
“I guess I didn’t know you weren’t comfortable with it. You always seemed to be.”
“Well, you can’t always tell what a person is feeling. That’s something I’ve learned along the way. It’s precisely why D/s works for me. There’s an added layer of intimacy to the type of D/s I practice,” he explained. “Maybe it’s years of therapy, but I’ve learned you can’t get anything out of an experience unless you’re willing to admit the things you want. It’s just as important to be honest about the things you don’t like.”
“You’re talking about sexually?” Maddie asked.
“In this instance, yes. But it works in all aspects of life, I’ve found.” He needed to steer her back to the question at hand. They had very little time when it came to preparation. They needed to decide on a course of action when it came to their fake D/s relationship. “How much does Byrne know about me?”