Kyle winced. “Yeah, I haven’t had that much therapy. I think I need to ease into it. Playing a couple might help me feel like I can be in a couple. You know, without the whole wake up screaming and trying to kill her thing.”
He knew that well. It was probably the kind of statement that would make most people take a step back, but it was pretty standard around here. They’d all seen some shit. “That took me a couple of years. Have you tried holding babies? It worked for me.”
“No. I try to avoid all the babies. Luckily my younger siblings are both teenagers and my brother and Tess are far from procreating. I managed to miss out on the poop years, and for that I am grateful.”
He could still remember how his sisters wouldn’t let him brood in peace. Somehow they’d known how to force him back to reality, to see that there was still good in the world and he could be a part of it.
He’d always wondered if he would have needed those babies if he’d had Madeline. He’d spent every night in that prison he’d been in dreaming she was with him, seeing her open the cell door and leading him back out into the light.
“How long has it been since you’ve seen her?” Kyle asked.
He let out a long sigh. It was time to be realistic. He didn’t want to be the one who was so focused on the woman that he fucked up the op and potentially got her and his team killed. “Almost twenty years. I haven’t actually laid eyes on her since the last day of high school. I broke up with her because she was going to pass on a full ride to Yale to stay close to me.”
“Seriously?” Kyle’s eyes had gone wide. “You must have a very large dick, my brother.”
Deke snorted. “We were in love. We were that ridiculous couple who almost never fought. Everything was easy for us until the day I realized I might cost her the future she could have. She wasn’t meant to live the life her parents did. She was meant to go to Yale and get a high-tech job and afford a three-million-dollar house.”
“Uh, why didn’t you just go with her?”
He’d certainly thought about it. “My dad was sick at the time. He had cancer and I needed to help keep the business going. He recovered, but it was too late by then, and she wouldn’t talk to me.”
“Well, that’s ancient history. There’s not a damn thing you can do about that now. I think you should do exactly what I’m going to do. You should play your part and figure out if it feels natural to you,” Kyle replied, tipping his beer toward the ladies’ table. “Right now, she doesn’t look natural. She’s twelve kinds of uncomfortable, and I wouldn’t buy her as a long-time submissive. Not even one who’d played for a couple of months. You have to get her to loosen up.”
“I can’t order her to relax.” It would be so much easier if he could.
Kyle turned his way. “She’s not the only one who needs to relax.”
“I’ve been doing this for a long time.”
“Yeah, with subs who were only looking for a good time,” Kyle pointed out. “That’s easy. I can do that, man. She’s special. She’s important. I watched you with her during the training sessions with Adam, Jake, and Serena. You were tense. What’s the problem? Beyond she’s the woman who got away and you’re worried she’s going to figure out you’re not the stud you were in high school.”
Asshole. “I assure you I’m way better in bed than I was in high school. Hell, I don’t think we actually did it in a bed more than a couple of times, and those were quick because one of our parents could come home at any minute.”
“Then what is the concern? I’m not seeing it.”
Why the hell was he having this conversation with Kyle Hawthorne? He thought seriously about not replying at all, but then he had to admit that he might be the one asking these questions if he was going into an op with Kyle as the lead. They had to work together for the next couple of weeks, and right now he wasn’t exactly giving off confident leader vibes. “I’ll make it work. I promise. Once I get her in bed, everything will work out.”
He looked over at Maddie and she was saying something to MaeBe, a light in her eyes. Then she seemed to remember she was wearing a thong and she went tight again.
He had to get her to relax, to be as comfortable with herself as she’d been when they were in high school. Sex would solve all his problems.
She could talk about dating a guy all she liked, but she admitted she hadn’t slept with him. He would bet any relationships she’d had mostly revolved around work and hadn’t been hot and heavy.
Not the way it had been with them. They’d made love the first time when they were sixteen and both virgins. It hadn’t been great, but they’d practiced and before long they’d gone at it anywhere they could, anytime they could.
They’d once had sex in the storage closet at the First Presbyterian Church during one of his sister’s wedding receptions.
When was the last time Maddie had a man so fucking hungry for her?
“Do you think she’ll enjoy D/s sex?” Kyle asked.
“I can make her love it. I can make her crave it.” He knew that woman, and like he’d told Adam, the core of her hadn’t changed. She might have grown and matured, but her deep-seated needs hadn’t changed. She was a creature of intellect, and he could make her remember that she could be sensual, too.
Kyle was right. He’d been coming at this from his younger self, the one who worried he wouldn’t be enough for her.
If Maddie had come into her own, then he had, too. His needs hadn’t changed, but he’d learned how to satisfy them in a way that could serve them both. He’d been tentative with her because her words had hurt his feelings.
Fuck his feelings. He was acting like a lovesick boy, and it was time to be a Dom.
“I think we’ll watch some scenes, too.” He stood up just as one of the newer members approached the table the ladies were occupying. He was one of the lawyers who worked with the Domme in residence. He was big and broad, and some women might find him attractive in a douchebag, coming-onto-other-Doms’-subs way.
Of course two of the women at the table weren’t wearing collars, but he wasn’t in the mood to be understanding.
“Who the fuck is that?” Kyle proved he could be a possessive ass, too.
“Does it matter?” He couldn’t remember the dude’s name, but he was encroaching heavily. The Dom placed himself squarely between Maddie and MaeBe, giving them both a jerkface smirk he probably thought was sexy or some shit. He leaned over and seemed to be whispering something Maddie’s way.
Yeah, that wasn’t happening. He crossed the distance between them in a quick order.
“Oh, I’m not sure I’m supposed to do that.” Maddie’s eyes had gone wide, and she was looking the other man over like he was a popsicle on a hot day. “I mean it’s really nice of you to ask, but I’m kind of working.”
“Yes, she’s working with me. I’m training her,” Deke announced.
Kori snorted and her eyes rolled, proving years of marriage hadn’t made her any less of a brat. “I can bet what comes next.”
“She’s not wearing a collar,” the douchebag asswipe said.