At night, though, after dinner, when our shields were down, it was almost like it used to be. We’d watch movies, which weren’t really his thing. We talked and hung out, but often we ended up in his makeshift studio room, where he would paint and I’d sit with him. Sometimes we just enjoyed each other’s company. Others I brought my laptop in with me and took care of my own responsibilities as well.
The studio evenings always ended the same, though—the two of us falling asleep together. It was then that I let myself believe Lane felt the same way about me as I did about him. Why else would he do this over and over again? It was likely wishful thinking. I wanted him to wake up, to see how good we could be together, but even if he did, there was still a minefield in our way.
Lane was in the public eye. How would it affect his career if people thought he was in love with his brother? Regardless of blood, that was who we were to people.
I woke up early that Saturday morning to the smell of bacon, which happened to be my favorite—and probably was for most people because how could you not love bacon?
I brushed my teeth, then went out in a pair of shorts. Lane’s hair was tied back in a knot and as messy as always. He had paint on his cheek and was wearing underwear and a T-shirt. He looked up at me, eyes wide and an almost goofy grin on his face that wouldn’t be endearing on anyone else.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Coffee’s ready.”
“Thanks.” I fixed myself a cup, then reached for a slice of bacon. “Breakfast smells good—ouch. Shit.” He’d smacked my hand, making me jerk it back. “What was that for?”
“This is lunch.”
“Um…it’s bacon and it’s nine.”
“I don’t care. Have a bagel. That’s what you normally have for breakfast. I’m making BLTs, and we’re going on a picnic.”
I leaned against the counter with my arms crossed. “Oh, are we? You’ve decided this, have you?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact. I have.”
“What if I have plans?”
“Then I’ll be very disappointed…and I might beg you to cancel them. Don’t make me beg, Isaac. I don’t want to, but I will if you force me.”
I laughed. He was… God, he was great. “I don’t have plans, so we can go, but I want you to know, I feel like you’re teasing me. You’re tempting me and denying me and I just…might…snap…” In more ways than one, but he didn’t need to know that. Lane frowned, and I snatched a piece of bacon quickly, jerking out of his reach. I grinned and popped a bite into my mouth just to see the scandalized look on his face.
“I don’t think I like you anymore…and I don’t think I want to share my bacon with you.”
“Then I’d be very disappointed…and I might beg you for more bacon. Don’t make me beg, Lane. I don’t want to do it, but I will if you force me,” I said, repeating what he’d just said to me.
Lane rolled his eyes, but a small smile curled the corners of his lips. “You’re not very nice to me.”
“I’m incredibly nice to you.”
“I don’t see you in here cooking bacon and planning a picnic, that’s all I’m saying.”
A laugh tumbled out of my mouth as if I had no control over it. There was just no possibility I could hold it back. This was us. The Lane and Isaac we used to be when it was just us, the rest of the world seeming a million miles away.
“What are you smiling at?” he asked, making me realize I was.
“Myself…and how good of an idea it was to let you stay with me, which enabled you to make me bacon and plan a picnic, so really, we both have me to thank for this day. I set it all in motion. I’m even better than I thought I was.”
“I…don’t even know what to say to that, except that you’re even more ridiculous than I thought.”
“What can I say? I strive to be the best at everything.” I popped another bite of bacon into my mouth.
I had half a bagel while Lane finished cooking and cutting tomatoes for our lunch. He’d apparently gotten up early and had already eaten.
Afterward, he clued me in on another part of our day, so I showered and got ready for the hike I’d just learned about.
As he put on his ridiculous headband to keep his hair out of his face, he said, “I like that you never tell me I should tame my hair.”
“You’re an adult. Why should anyone tell you what to do with your hair?” Fucking Jayden…and maybe others over the years. “You’re a cute mess.”
“That’s exactly the look I’m going for,” he joked.
We took his car because he missed driving as he didn’t do it much in New York.
“Where did you hear about this place?” I asked.
“Kylie told me about it.”
I bit my lip, trying not to be jealous. “Did you guys come here?”
“No, she just told me, but it sounded cool and I thought you might enjoy it.” He glanced over at me and grinned.
“Just don’t forget we’re only here because of me.”
“How could I, when you’re so helpful in reminding me?”
“That’s awful nice of me.”
Lane laughed again.
It was only about a twenty-five-minute drive away. Lane parked in the lot. There were three trails to choose from—easy, moderate, and advanced. We chose the middle since we were both in good shape but not expert hikers by any stretch of the imagination.
Lane must have planned this ahead of time because he’d gotten an insulated backpack for the food and water. “Want me to carry it?” I asked.
“I got it.”
It was hot and humid. This was definitely something we should have started earlier in the day, but I was thankful to be there with him. The heat hadn’t ever really bothered me much, and Lane seemed to feel the same.
“Remember when Dad took us camping and I was a complete lost cause?” Lane asked, leaves and twigs crunching beneath our feet as we walked along the trail.
“Oh my God. You were freaking the fuck out because you thought we would get eaten by a bear.”
“We saw a bear, Isaac. In real life. In the wild. That should never be a thing that happens to me.”
“But you survived.”
“Just barely. He wanted to eat me. I could see it in his eyes. I swear that was my first near-death experience.”
I laughed. “Your first? Had many, have you? And he didn’t want to eat you. He wanted to eat food, not you. He mostly just wanted us to go away.”
“Yes, my first. And do you speak bear now?”
“Just to gay bears. He looked at you for three seconds before walking away.”
“In which time, my life flashed before my eyes.”
“I would have thrown myself in front of you had that happened.”
“Someone is trying to earn points with Mom and Dad.”
I was stuck between laughing and wishing there was a way I could remove those words from his vocabulary. At least dad. Every time he said it, the fist around my heart squeezed tighter.
“We had good times, didn’t we?” Lane said when I didn’t respond.
“We did.”