“Hear, hear!” The men drank and then the colonel ordered the footmen to collect the glasses and his men to take their wives to bed. That sounded like an excellent idea to Nicholas, but when he looked about, Amelia was gone.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Draven standing there. “Looking for your wife?”
“I thought she was beside me.”
“She left after your toast,” the colonel said. “Can I give you a word of advice?”
“Do I need advice?” Nicholas asked, still looking about for Amelia. Why had she left?
“Twelve men toasted their wives, Nickers. You toasted your horse. I think you might need a wee bit of advice.”
Nicholas sank down. He had toasted his horse, hadn’t he? Amelia had been right there, and he’d not even looked at her.
“I know you’re newly married,” Draven said, “and the marriage was, as they say, one of necessity. You might not be in love with her yet, but anyone who looks at her can see she loves you. Take that power she’s given you and use it wisely.”
Nicholas stared at him. Power? He hadn’t thought of himself as having any power since the accident. He was a cripple. He was lame and powerless.
But Amelia didn’t care about his injury. She’d told him she loved him. She’d made herself vulnerable to him. He had more power than he realized, and he’d been careless with it.
He’d been a fool.
“Yes, sir,” Nicholas said. “I’ll go speak to her.”
Draven put a hand on his shoulder. “My advice is wait until you’re sober. Anything you say now she’s likely to attribute to drink.”
“Benedict?” Mrs. Draven said from the doorway. “The coach is here to take us to the cottage.”
Draven slapped Nicholas on the shoulder. “You’ll find your way, Nickers. We all do.”
But Nicholas wasn’t so sure.
Nineteen
Amelia had wanted to stay in her chamber with her head under the covers and the door bolted shut. She hadn’t ever wanted to show her face again. How could Nicholas have humiliated her so? He might not love her, but did he need to announce it to their guests?
She’d lain awake that night, hoping, for the first time, he would not come to her. He’d either be drunkenly apologetic or completely unaware of what he’d done. Either way, she did not want to see him. If she saw him, she didn’t think she could stop herself from bursting into tears and then he’d just think her pathetic.
But Amelia didn’t have the luxury of wallowing in bed. Though her mother had been doing well for the last week or so, Amelia had seen her improve only to decline again rapidly. Most recently, it had happened right after Amelia’s wedding, and she still hadn’t forgiven herself for not checking on her mother sooner. And so, when the chambermaid came to her room in the hour before the dawn to stoke the fire and leave fresh water and linens for washing, Amelia rose, washed, and dressed. She was already brushing her hair when O’Malley tiptoed in with a tray of tea. Amelia pretended as though she was always awake and dressed this early.
“Are any of the guests awake yet?” she asked as O’Malley took over brushing her hair and began to pin it up in a simple style.
“Lady Lorraine and Mr. Mostyn and the baby are awake. They’ve asked for one of Mr. Sterling’s coaches to be readied for the journey to London.”
Amelia nodded. “I’m sure they want to be in their own home. It can’t have been easy to come to Battle’s Peak with the baby. Have you seen Mrs. Blackstock?”
“Not yet, my lady.”
“Then I will seek her out. If you could just help me button my boots...”
A half an hour later, Amelia had greeted Lady Lorraine, who looked tired but still beautiful, and Lady Juliana, who was bright and cheery. “I saw Mrs. Blackstock walking in the garden,” Lady Juliana said in answer to Amelia’s inquiry. “I flung open the curtains to allow the sunlight in and spotted her from my window.”
“I’m sure your husband appreciated that,” Lady Lorraine said with a smile. Neil Wraxall had been quite inebriated the night before. “Are you certain you won’t mind being trapped in the coach with the baby? He was quite fussy on the way here.”
“Of course, I won’t mind. I love babies.”
Amelia excused herself and went out into the gardens where she found her mother, just as Lady Juliana had said. Her mother looked up from where she knelt, pruning some roses. The gardener would have done it, but Amelia knew her mother liked to work with plants. She had been the one who did much of the pruning and tending of the catmint around their cottage.
“What’s happened?” her mother asked as soon as she saw Amelia’s face.
“Why do you ask?”
“You’ve been crying.”
Amelia sighed, hoping it was only her mother who would notice the pink of her nose and the slight redness about her eyes. Mrs. Blackstock stood and brushed off her dress then took Amelia’s hands. “Is something amiss?”
Amelia wanted to tell her mother. She wanted to spill the entire story of how all the Survivors had toasted to their wives and expressed their love, while her husband had raised a glass to his warhorse and completely forgotten her. But this was between Nicholas and herself. Her mother could not solve the problem. Even she could not solve the problem.
She couldn’t make Nicholas love her.
“I’m just tired,” Amelia said. “I can only stay a moment. The guests will be leaving this morning, but I wanted to see you before the leave-taking begins. How are you feeling?”
“Much better, thank you.” Her mother squeezed her hands. “In fact, I have been missing home and thinking of taking my own leave as well.”
“Oh, Mama. I don’t know. Everything there reminds you of Papa and—”
“That’s why I miss it. I think I won’t mind being reminded a bit now.”
Amelia frowned. She didn’t like the thought of her mother being alone at the cottage again, even if it was only a short walk away.
“I miss my bed and my things,” her mother said. “And of course, I miss Rose.”
“When do you want to leave?”
“Tomorrow, I think. I won’t add to the commotion today.”
Amelia nodded. “Why don’t I go with you?” Amelia suggested, the idea taking shape even as she said it. “I’ll help you settle back in.”
Mrs. Blackstock gave her a sharp look. “But your husband is here.”
“I’m sure he can spare me for a few days. Besides it’s a short walk, and he can send a servant to fetch me if I’m needed.”
“Has something happened?” her mother asked. Amelia should have known her mother would see right through her. “Has Lord Nicholas done something?”
Amelia shook her head. He hadn’t done anything. He just didn’t love her, and that was no one’s fault. But she needed some time away to tend her hurt feelings. Time to let her wounded heart heal before resigning herself to patiently waiting for Nicholas to fall in love with her.
Or perhaps resigning herself to the fact that he might never love her.