“Because she’s always going to surprise you.” I tapped my chin. “Wouldn’t you prefer to know if she’ll make the decision herself?”
“You mean, after you go and then fly back, she might decide to visit too?”
“Isn’t it the logical move?”
“What’s logical here?” she queried. “I mean, I get why she put me up for adoption, I do, and I understand she had issues and that she didn’t just want to throw me away—”
“Rachel is not like that,” I inserted forcefully, my temper surging. “Rachel, when she was a kid, wanted nothing more than her own family. She wanted a place where she belonged, and she wanted her kids to have that sense of belonging too.
“Her mom was a joke. I’m pretty damn sure if you asked Rachel, she’d tell you she wished she’d been put up for adoption instead of being traipsed around the country how she was, neglected and forgotten about for most of the time.
“When everything went wrong, that was what scared her the most. She wanted better for you than she had.”
Wynter eyed me with a calm expression. “You’re very protective of her, aren’t you?”
“Aren’t I of you?”
Her lips twitched at my aggressive retort. I half expected her to bring up Kinnock’s injuries, but she didn’t. She’d yet to mention them—thank Christ. “Yes,” was all she said.
Huffing, I shot her a nod. “I understand that you have reasons to question every decision we made, but you need to recognize that when you’re a parent, and you don’t have the best examples, fear of being as shitty as the one you had is a big motivator.”
“You loved your mom and dad, didn’t you?”
“I did. They were great examples. The best. That’s why I knew Rachel would be a fantastic parent. I saw in her what I saw in my mom. Patience and kindness. A fierce strength and streak of protectiveness that would see her through every stress and strain.
“I just didn’t think those traits would make her be brave enough to let you go so that you’d have the best childhood you could have. Something she didn’t believe she could give to you.”
Wynter rested a calm glance on me, and I let her study me in silence, didn’t say another word as she processed all I’d had to say.
When Rachel called ten minutes later than promised, I heard how rattled she was and so did Wynter.
Was I surprised when Wynter listened to me?
When they just talked about their days? When Wynter asked about the gala and how the organization of it was going? When they spoke about what they’d be having for dinner of all things?
No, I wasn’t totally shocked.
Sometimes, you just had to see how the cards fell.
Sometimes the only way to know something was to let a situation unroll on its own.
I was pretty proud that my kid, at seventeen years old, was as capable of that as her almost forty-year-old dad.
The week rolled around until the day of my flight hit us.
I’d had an awesome time hanging out with her, getting to know my kid, her getting to know me. Integrating myself into her schedule to facilitate that process, all as I was being totally irresponsible and not doing a damn thing for my MC.
I knew Nyx would be able to manage, and we had a solid council in place to make everything happen. Now that Lily was working with Rachel, I felt better too because I knew any overflow that the council couldn’t deal with on their own, they could approach her with.
For that short while, I guessed I enjoyed my first vacation in years.
When Mom had died, I’d been shoved into the position of Prez years ahead of schedule. In my grief and in his, Dad had wanted freedom, and that was what I needed right now. A reminder of what mattered. That family was all.
I was more like him than I realized.
I just wasn’t a fucking cheater.
That bitterness hadn’t eased, and I knew I’d have to fulfill his bequest at some point, and I was gradually getting to be okay with that.
If Wynter could forgive me, if she could open up to Rachel and forgive what she perceived as abandonment, then I knew I had to grow the fuck up and be as mature as my teenaged daughter.
Still, the morning of my red-eye, Wynter was oddly quiet when we walked to work together.
I didn’t mind, in all honesty.
She was a pensive, thoughtful kid, much as her old man was, but I knew today was different.
A small thrill whipped its way inside me—I knew she didn’t want me to go.
It felt good to be needed by her. I didn’t want her to feel the pain of missing me, even as I wanted her to miss me. It was strange.
In all this time, I’d yet to meet any of her friends. I’d almost thought she didn’t have any, but I knew Kinnock had said he’d approached a kid called Chelsea to find out where Wynter was holing up.
I didn’t think she was ashamed of me, more that she was isolated, so I didn’t like the prospect of leaving her either.
Logically, I knew I didn’t own all her waking hours. I’d yet to even see Ally, so I knew she was keeping some stuff from me, but I didn’t like that she was so alone, especially in that fucking apartment building of hers.
It set me on edge.
“You’ll call me, won’t you?” she blurted out halfway to the coffee shop.
I snorted. “You just try and stop me.”
She shot me a grin.
“You’ll answer, won’t you?”
“Of course,” she said gruffly, her gaze on her feet. Bottom lip firmly tucked between her teeth, she murmured, “You’ll take photos?”
“Of the gala? Or of your mo—Rachel—and I together?”
With every day that had passed, we’d talked on the phone, and it was obnoxiously difficult not to think of Rachel as her mom.
I was grateful she never made a fuss about the Freudian slip.
“Both?” She peeped at me. “I want to see her dress and…” Her grin broadened. “You in a tux.”
I grimaced. “Only for your mom would I wear a penguin suit.”
Her gaze turned inward. “I think you should have a haircut.”
“You do, do you? What other fashion tips do you have for me?” I drawled.
When she giggled, it lit up my fucking soul. “I think we need to clean you up.”
“Why?”
“So that you don’t look like your uncle anymore.” She looked at me from the corner of her eye. “Now you know who you remind her of, don’t you think it’d be smart to have a makeover?”
“I refuse to be Queer Eyed; I’d never hear the goddamn end of it.”
Wynter snickered. “Shuddup.”
I grinned but confirmed, “I was going to have a haircut and a shave before I met her. I promise.”
“You were?” Her brow was arched, and I could tell she was unconvinced.
“Yeah, once I’d charmed you I didn’t need to impress you anymore.” I winked at her. “Hence the ragtag look.”
“I wondered what had happened to the Ken doll.”
I chuckled.
“Y-You do know that if it works and she stops associating you with him, you’d have to do it forever, don’t you?”
“If a shot at forever is even doable if I have a haircut and a shave, Wynter, I’ll start my own barbershop and have a daily appointment with them.”