“I read. It wasn’t like I was collecting mice corpses.”
“There were mice down there?” I grimaced. “Fucking mice.”
“No, there weren’t actually. It was clean.” Her head bowed. “I found out a couple years ago that Bear used to have it cleaned for me.”
“Bear was like that.” We shared a smile, but it was sorrowful. “I miss him.”
“Me too.”
“Any news on when Rex is coming back so we can have his funeral?”
“No.”
“Doesn’t tell you much?”
“He tells me plenty, just nothing concrete about dates.”
“Why not?”
She heaved a sigh. “Is this you trying to bully your way into a friendship with me?”
“Bully you? Hell no. I’m no bully. I just never tried before because, well, the matter of the crawl space, and then Rex being so fucking protective—” When the server showed up, I requested, “What cookies are you serving?” As she rattled off a list, I ordered, “I’ll have the white chocolate and raspberry, please, with a latte. One shot.” I didn’t need the caffeine either. Turning back to Rachel, I continued, “Then there was Carly. You used to hang out with her on the rare occasions I saw you in the clubhouse.”
“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. You were always with Steel and Co.”
“Usually. But I made time for Indy,” I pointed out. “I just… I guess I don’t understand why we didn’t get friendlier, you know? After what you shared at Lily’s—” I ignored her tension. “—I realized that you dealt with that on your own. No one knew, and I mean no one, because if they had, Grizzly and Dog would have died a lot earlier than they did. Which means you went through all that on your own. That makes me sad.”
“I’m not good with sharing these things.”
“Is anyone?” I countered. “Doesn’t take away from the fact that I’d have liked to be a safe space for you to land.”
“Not even Rex was that.”
Wondering if she realized how bitter she sounded, I asked, “I know how it feels to not have the MC at my back.”
“The guys always supported you,” she disagreed.
“No. They took Steel’s side. Just like Rex did, but you know when I came back, one thing I realized was how they were massive dipshits.”
Her lips twitched. “You forgot they were that?”
I grinned. “No, I didn’t forget, but I was reminded of it.”
“Why? What did they do?”
“To them, even though I felt excluded by how they defended Steel over me, I was still family. They were actually pissed at me for not realizing that.”
She huffed. “I’ve had a similar argument with them recently.”
“I know. Steel told me. He’s a—”
“Dipshit.”
Smirking when she finished my sentence for me, I nodded. “He is. They’re all so fucking blind to how women work, it’s a miracle they branded anyone.”
“They’re getting better.”
“Are they?” I shrugged. “They’re still men.”
“There’s no cure for that,” she drawled.
I snickered. “Yeah, cure for plenty, but not that yet.” The server appeared again, dropping off my coffee and cookie. “I guess I wanted to make sure that you knew you weren’t an outsider. Even if you felt like you were. Or feel like you are, I guess. Whichever it is, I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.”
As she entangled her fork in what looked like a cold pasta salad, I wasn’t sure if she was even going to reply.
Rachel had always been an odd duck.
It wasn’t even that she was cold or stoic. With our background, and with our chosen professions, we couldn’t just be business-like—we had to be hard asses. People thought we were lesser for our ties to the MC, and we had to work twice as much to prove otherwise.
Now, looking back to the past and to that group meeting, I realized how intrinsically private she was and how that kept her locked up tight.
“I want a tattoo.”
Whatever the hell I’d thought she was going to say, it wasn’t that.
“You’re pregnant.”
“Goddamn Giulia,” she hissed under her breath. Then, she snapped at me, “So?”
My lips twitched. “You can’t have ink until after you’ve given birth.”
Her nose crinkled. “Fuck.”
“That eager, huh?”
“I’ve put my ass on the line for the Sinners,” she mumbled. “I’ve gone above and beyond for years—I want to belong.”
“Ink doesn’t do that. Whether it’s a brand or a Sinners’ logo on your butt, ink won’t make you belong. You have to feel like you do.”
“What’s your brand?” she asked quietly.
“My cat.” I smiled. “With a little robin on her shoulder.” Robin was Steel’s real name.
“That’s cute.” Her return smile was genuine.
“There are a bunch of mandalas too. I’d whip them out but no one needs to see all the scars on my stomach.”
She huffed. “Don’t say that.”
I winked at her. “It’s okay. Steel deals with any self-esteem issues I have.”
“How?”
“Fucks me until I admit I’m beautiful. As a method, it’s surprisingly effective.”
A snicker escaped her, but it softened as, wistfully, she asked, “How does the brand make you feel?”
I knew what she was talking about.
“I can’t make you feel like you belong, but I can tell you that we all know you’re family. It’s just down to you to embrace those fuckwits as kin but I think you did that a long while ago and didn’t realize it yet.” Seeing that resonate, I murmured, “At least we’re not Giulia.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean she had no backup. Not at the start. It’s no wonder she’s feral.”
We shared a grin.
Clearly still amused, Rachel picked up her fork and took a large bite of her lunch. I sampled some of my coffee, and I stayed with her as she finished up her meal.
It was a first step.
Maybe not toward friendship, but what the Sinners were went beyond that. And she and I were Sinners. We’d been raised in the club. We knew how hard it was to mark out a path for ourselves, one that didn’t allow the MC to swallow us up and spit us out whole.
Just like Steel called those morons brothers, we were sisters.
Afterward, when she offered me a ride back in her chauffeured car, I thought she saw that too because after I refused, telling her Steel was picking me up, she hugged me for real in farewell.
“You’re looking thoughtful,” Steel told me a couple minutes later after I sent him my live location and he’d kissed me in greeting.
“Just thinking that Rachel’s got no idea what she’s given up for this club and that your council doesn’t either.”
He blinked at me. “Huh?”
I rolled my eyes. “Never mind.”