“He could. Doubt it though. He wants to make a difference.”
“Think he’ll become a Prospect?”
“I do. Maybe it’ll help Nyx. I spoke with Giulia… She indicated that he isn’t doing well.”
“No. He needs his hobbies.”
“Passing on his wisdom… maybe that’ll be good for his soul.”
“If he has one left.”
“That’s gloomy.”
“He’s the first to admit that he’s gone full Darth Vader.”
I had to snort at that, but I didn’t say another word as we wandered into the hospital and made our way to Bear’s room.
The squeak and tap of our shoes against the floors, the noise of a busy hospital where the holiday didn’t matter aside from the tinsel and the trees that had popped up around every corner, it all started to feel like a parallel universe.
Like we were distanced from reality.
We weren’t here as visitors. We brought death with us.
“Thank you for coming with me, Rachel,” he rasped, breaking into my thoughts just before we headed into Bear’s ward.
“Nowhere else I'd rather be,” I told him honestly as I waved to one of the nurses whom I knew from school, grateful that it wasn’t Kian. Rex nodded at her too and we exchanged holiday greetings.
After, I continued like we hadn’t been disturbed, “Better circumstances would be nicer, but—” I squeezed his hand. Silently telling him that we were in this together.
“When I… you should step outside.”
“I don’t think so,” I told him brightly before I pushed open the door and started to dress up in the protective gear that wouldn’t be necessary for much longer.
The grief hit me then. Like a strike to the throat. It almost choked me, made it harder to suck in a gulp of air, but I forced myself to remain calm because Rex didn’t need to see me like this.
He needed me to be strong.
Later, I could collapse into a puddle on my bed.
Later.
Sucking in a breath, I forced my expression to appear blank then turned to look at him.
His face was gray.
The torment in his eyes hurt something in me that would never heal.
He’d looked like this when Rene had died.
His pain gave me strength because I needed to be that for him. I needed to be his backbone so that he could go through with this.
I grabbed his hand this time, not giving him a moment to reply, and together, we walked into the room.
The smell, the beeps—I knew why Rex was getting fatigued of this place. It was exhausting. The lighting didn’t help; it exposed exactly why Bear wanted to let go.
He was a wreckage. A living, breathing pile of flesh-covered bones with organs that functioned only because of chemicals and machines.
I sucked in a breath as I took one of the seats to the side of his bed, and Rex slumped into the remaining chair, the one closer to his dad.
For a second, neither of us said anything, but when Rex just stared at Bear, I murmured, “Do you remember that time when you stole his bike?”
It made sense why that memory came to me.
I wanted to think of Bear like that, not like this.
Able to ride a bike, free to live his passion. Not capable of only withering away in a hospital bed.
Rex surprised me—he let out a soft chuckle. One that sounded relieved. Like he too wanted to think about then and not now. “Which time?”
I grinned because there'd definitely been a couple of 'hog heists' over the years. “When he got that new ride. The black one.”
Rex shot me a look. “The black one? After all these years, that’s the only way you can identify a bike? By color?”
“It had horsepower and ccs.”
“Very informative. Did it also have two wheels?”
My lips quirked up again. “Maybe. It could have had a handlebar as well.”
“Surprise surprise.”
“Rachel… never— did… like— bikes.”
Bear’s agonized response had my breath catching. I hadn’t expected him to speak, but that he was awake and aware enough—God, I couldn’t imagine the agony he was in.
“Hey Bear,” I whispered, unable to speak louder than that.
“Hey darlin’.” It took a good minute for him to get the two words out.
Jesus.
His head didn't even move.
He was imprisoned on the mattress. A feeling of claustrophobia surged inside me on his behalf.
My mouth worked, but all I could think to say was, “I love you.”
“Love.” He exhaled. “You.”
Tears pricked my eyes, but I didn’t stop them from flowing.
Bear had earned my tears.
He deserved to be grieved.
“Son?”
Rex swallowed. The sound was thick, like his emotions were choking him. “Yes, Dad?”
“Hap-py.” Inhale. “Hol-i-days.”
Rex reached over but he stopped himself from touching Bear. His hand hovered like he was unsure where to place it. I couldn’t blame him. The bed alone was a battlefield of wires. As for Bear’s body… it was a wreckage.
Pure and simple.
Unable to reconnect physically, he rasped, “I got you a gift.”
“Did?”
“Yeah. I figure Mom’s waited long enough for you to come home, don’t you?”
A single tear appeared at the corner of Bear’s eye. As it drifted down his cheek, I gulped back a sob.
“Tell her I love her, and that I miss her, and that no one makes biscuits and gravy like she does.” Rex’s tears were clear, and he let them flow just as I did. “Tell her that whenever it rains, I always check the fuse box because she hated when it went dark in the middle of a storm.
“Tell her that I think about her every fucking morning when I force myself to eat breakfast because she told me it was the best meal of the day.”
Rex’s fingers tightened more and more around mine, not to the point of pain, but to the point where I knew he was leaning on me for support.
I squeezed back as he whispered, “And I’ll think of you, Dad. When the gates open and they squeak, I’ll always wonder if you’ve come back home to us.
“When I’m in the shit, I’ll always want to call you. When I get ribs from the diner, I’ll always wonder if you’d want some too. I’ll always think of you, Dad. Always.”
With a final squeeze to my fingers, he let go. His hand went into his pocket and he pulled out a syringe that he rested on his lap.
I wasn’t sure I needed to know where he got that from, didn’t even want to know what it was, I just watched as Bear breathed, “Best. Son in.” Exhale. “World. Love. You.”
Raw with grief, I got to my feet, moving around Bear’s other side so that nothing could be seen through the window into the room.
Rex placed the injection to the IV line, and after he squeezed the drug into it, the syringe disappearing into his pocket a moment later, I leaned down and pressed a kiss to Bear’s grizzled cheek.
“Be at peace, Bear. Thank you for everything. I promise I’ll look after him—”
And that was when he flatlined.
FOURTEEN