“Won’t,” I mumbled, already half-asleep.
I didn’t hear him say, softly, sadly, “Yes, baby, you will, and it’ll fucking wreck me when you wake up.”
ELEVEN
REX
It was heaven and hell having her in my bed, in my arms. Resting against me. Sleeping with me.
Heaven because skin to skin wasn’t close enough for me with her.
Hell because on the rare occasions she allowed me to come this close, she always woke up in the throes of a nightmare that had her avoiding me for weeks afterward.
Sometimes, I was weak enough to deal with that. To try to sleep with her. Most times, I wasn’t. I approached her in her office and we’d fuck, much like we’d done a while back.
A fast and fiery fuck didn’t have her blanching whenever I approached. Didn’t make her stilted with me. Didn’t terrify the life out of her.
I’d never have said I was a selfless man, would have said I was the opposite, in fact. I believed that humans were selfish by their innate nature, and that it was normal to be self-serving, but Rachel proved otherwise.
Because of her, I was a different man. Not necessarily a better one, but a different one.
She was the only woman I wanted. The only woman I’d ever loved. Would ever love. But I stayed away because her mental health meant more to me than my happiness.
As she rested against me, sagging deeper and deeper into my hold as she relaxed, her body remembering me even if her mind flinched at my proximity, I knew I was too exhausted to cope with the ramifications of our talk.
It was the first time she’d ever admitted to me that somebody had hurt her.
When she said, ‘a long time ago,’ I didn’t need to ask when.
I fucking knew.
Seventeen.
That was when she’d changed.
When my girl had morphed from an ethereal drifter into a brittle woman whose anger at the world was a mask for her fear, whose warmth had metamorphosed into ice.
I heard a buzz from the nightstand, and knowing from experience that she slept like the dead—one of the reasons her nightmares were so debilitating—I didn’t worry about twisting back to reach for my cell.
My brows furrowed though when I read the text.
Nyx: Lodestar’s brought you a gift.
Rex: A gift?
Nyx: That’s what I said. Or what she said to be precise.
Rex: What kind of gift?
Nyx: Don’t think it’s anthrax.
Rex: Reassuring.
Nyx: Thought we weren’t doing Secret Santa this year?
I grinned to myself. Nyx even knowing what Secret Santa was made me laugh every fucking time I thought about it.
Rex: We aren’t.
Nyx: Why’s she giving you a gift then?
Rex: Dunno.
Nyx: Come down and see for yourself what it is.
His nosiness had me fighting another grin.
Rex: Can’t.
Nyx: Why not?
Rex: Rachel’s sleeping.
Nyx: She is?
Rex: Yes.
Nyx: With you?
Rex: Yeah.
Nyx: She sick?
I’d have chuckled if he weren’t fucking wrong. Rachel mostly came to me for work, but when she was sick, she tended to find her way to my office. I was pretty much the only person who could get her to go to the doctor’s, and who could make her take basic OTC meds.
After her experiences, Rachel was not a fan of hospitals or doctors. Hell, even pharmacies didn’t escape her ire.
Nyx: She was okay yesterday when I saw her at church.
I didn’t want to go into any details, but I didn’t want him thinking she was ill either.
Rex: She’s not sick.
Nyx: Good. BTW, Kendra’s becoming a problem.
Rex: She’s always a fucking problem.
Nyx: Worse than usual. She made Giulia cry last night. Took me a while to get it out of her, but Kendra’s been spilling her poison for a while.
My eyes bugged out at that.
Rex: Giulia cried? I didn’t even know she had tear ducts.
Nyx: She ain’t a fucking robot.
I mean, I didn’t need to be told that. Nor did I think he’d appreciate me labeling his Old Lady as a fucking demon witch.
Rex: She okay?
Figured that was the safest question.
Nyx: She cried, Rex. She fucking cried. My Old Lady cried because of a clubwhore cunt. I bite her and she doesn’t cry, ffs.
Rex: Firstly, I don’t need to know about your sex life. Secondly, you can’t kill her.
Nyx: Didn’t say I was going to kill her. Wanted it down in stone that if Kendra fucks with Giulia again, I’m throwing her out on her ass.
Rex: Affirmative.
Nyx: Good. You coming down to see what this gift Lodestar got you is?
Rex: No. I’m tired. Rach is too. We’re going to get some rest.
Nyx: It’s Christmas Day.
Rex: So? Merry Christmas?
Nyx: Fuck off.
Rex: Lol.
Nyx: It’s Christmas Day, Rex. We’re going to the clubhouse. Giulia has it all arranged.
Rex: Go ahead without me. I want to go to the hospital. Spend it with Dad.
Nyx: It won’t be his last one, Rex. You know they said he’s getting better.
How could he be getting better when he was a shadow of his former self?
Maybe that was the bitterest of all the pills I’d have to swallow.
He’d live, but what kind of a life would it be?
Dad wasn’t made to be tied down to a hospital bed.
That wasn’t a life.
If he had to live without my mom, then I knew he’d spend it on the road. Much as he’d been doing since her death. Without his bike, stuck in a hospital room… I understood his request.
Understood it and would comply with it.
Even if it fucking hurt me.
Rex: Nothing is certain. Didn’t these past couple years teach us that?
Nyx: True.
Rex: What’s happening with that Dresden kid?
Nyx: He’s legit.
Rex: I know Harlow is Jessie’s elder brother, but what’s he want?
Nyx: To become my apprentice.
Sighing, I nuzzled my chin against Rachel’s shoulder. One-handed, I tapped out:
Rex: You down for that?
Nyx: Rachel says I don’t have a choice. If he figured out we had something to do with Haune’s death, then we need to know how so we can plug the leak.
Rex: Before the Feds do?
Nyx: Exactly.
Nyx: Plus, he’s me.
Rex: Worse for you.
His uncle had gotten to both his kid and elder sisters, after all.
That sick fucking bastard.
A part of me worried that he’d hurt Rachel, but she’d changed at seventeen and Kevin had been long dead.
When he didn’t reply, I continued:
Rex: You okay with teaching him the ropes?
Nyx: He’s gotta gain my trust first.
Rex: Makes sense.
Nyx: Need to make sure he’s not a fucking rat.
Rex: You killed the man who abused his baby sister, Nyx. He ain’t gonna turn you in.
Nyx: Could be one of those evangelical headcases.
Rex: Lol.
I stared at the screen a second, and my cautious nature went to war with the solid truth that Nyx was not doing well without his hobby.
The promise his baby sister had extracted from him was slowly killing him.
Nyx needed to avenge his family. Indy didn’t get it. I understood why she’d urged him to make the promise to stop with his pedo-hunting, but she didn’t know that that was all that kept Nyx sane.