The car moves on through midtown traffic, and eventually I start to relax. When I risk a glance at Neil, he’s staring out the window. Thoughtful. When he catches me watching him, he laces his fingers through mine and gives me a cautious smile.
“I can’t believe you ripped up my resignation,” I say. “We finally got what you wanted. What if I signed it again? He still thinks the foundation vote is lopsided.”
Neil is already shaking his head. “No way. I only thought that deal was what I wanted. But I was so wrong.” He turns his body, so he can look me right in the eye. “I told you our marriage could be useful to me.”
“Well, it was until you ripped that thing in half.”
“Not quite.” He smiles again. “Our marriage actually gave me everything I wanted, because it brought you all the way into my life. That’s what I needed. And I’m so damn sorry I was too dumb to own that before.”
My jaw actually flops open as I try to process that statement.
Neil reaches over and cups it. “You’re it for me, kitten. If I could go back in time and do it over, I’d ask you out, instead of drunk-marrying you. I’d go slowly. I’d cook you a steak and invite you to hang out with me—so you’d see that I’m the guy who’ll always be in your corner.”
“But I…” I’ve basically lost the ability to speak. “I p-probably would have turned you down. I don’t trust people. I’m too angry. But I’m not brave.”
“Charli, you’re the bravest person I’ve ever met. Besides, I’m angry too. But I always thought I had to hide it. Like, rich guys don’t deserve to get angry. But thanks to you, I’m mad as heck at some people who deserve it. And I’m not sorry.”
For another moment I just blink at him. This is a lot to take in. “What happens now?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” He gives me another beautiful smile. “Now I get to take you home and cook you a steak. That’s our arrangement—any time you put up with my family, you get a steak dinner.”
That sounds dreamy. “And then?”
“And then we watch a movie on my new TV, sitting on the cayenne couch—together at the end with the chaise. And a big bowl of popcorn.”
“Like a date?” In spite of everything that happened today, I’m smiling back at him.
“You can call it whatever you want. I want you in my life, Charli. I want a real chance with you. I want you in my kitchen. On my couch. And in my bed.” At that, he scoops me into his lap. “This is a killer suit, by the way. Vera’s getting a raise.”
I rest my head on his shoulder. “I asked her if she could make me look both fierce and beautiful inside of ninety minutes. And she said, ‘Oh honey, try me.’”
He laughs. “You always look fierce, baby. That’s one reason why I love you. So much. And brace yourself, kitten. Because I have lots of other reasons, too.”
My blood stops circulating as I play back his words in my head. He’d actually said it. Without any qualifiers.
“I love your smile, for example. I love to watch you play hockey. I love the way you don’t take any shit from anyone. I love waking up with you. And I want all of those things.”
My heart quietly detonates.
“Breathe,” Neil commands.
And, yup, I’d forgotten to take on oxygen there for a minute. “Neil,” I gasp.
“Yes, kitten?”
“But we’re still married. We’re still a mess.”
He shrugs. “And you can decide what to do about that. To me, it’s just details. If I don’t get to have you in my life until our divorce is final, then I’ll wait. You’ll have to let me know when that’s going to happen. I noticed you’ve never filed the papers.”
“I couldn’t do it,” I breathe against his collar. “I just can’t get up in front of a judge and say that you were cruel.”
“That is your choice,” he says, stroking my hair. “We could just run down the clock on a no-fault divorce and worry about it again in four months. The lawyer will take your call when you’re ready to decide.”
“Wow,” I say. That’s it. That’s my whole response.
“Yeah, I know. But I’ve had some time to myself to really get my priorities in order. Like I said, I want to be the guy in your corner.” He runs a finger down my nose. “But I can’t do it unless you let me be that guy. If you don’t feel the same—if you don’t want to be the girl in my corner—you’d better let me down easy.”
“You…” I take a deep breath. “You terrify me.”
It’s the truest thing I’ve ever said.
“I know,” he whispers. “But I’m kind of worth it once you get to know me. Can I cook you a steak while you think it over?”
“Okay,” I whisper back. “Yes, please.”
He presses a single, slow kiss to my cheekbone while the car eases its way toward Brooklyn, and I relax in his strong arms.
THIRTY-EIGHT
I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS HAVING A PARTY
Neil
“Hello, Ms. Higgins,” the concierge says as we enter the building. “It’s so good to see you again.”
“Thank you,” my wife says as a blush stains her cheeks.
“Say, Miguel?” I lean against the counter. “Is there anyone on staff who’s got a minute to make a quick run to the grocery store for me?”
“If she’s staying for dinner, I guess I could find someone.” He puts a pad and pen on the counter. “Write down what you want. I’ll phone the break room.”
“Thank you, sir.”
After that’s done, I take Charli upstairs and set down her bags in my foyer. I’d just as soon carry them into the bedroom, but I don’t want to make assumptions. “You’re welcome to wear this killer outfit repeatedly and continuously in my presence. But you’ve had a long day, and if you wanted to go change into sweats, I would totally understand.
“You know I do.” She gives me a smile that’s a little shy. Like maybe we’re out of practice.
“Well, get on it, girl. I’m gonna go pour you a glass of wine.” I shoo her toward the bedroom, and she grabs her suitcase and disappears.
I’m just taking my first sip of Bordeaux when she reappears in leggings and a flannel shirt from my own closet. “Oh, so it’s going to be like that is it?” I say even though no sight has ever made me happier.
“I guess so.” She smiles, but it’s still shy.
“You know…” I set my wine glass down and nudge hers closer to her side of the kitchen island. “When you smile at me, it’s all worth it. Every fucking thing. You make me happy just standing here in my kitchen.”
Charli walks around the kitchen island, a solemn look on her face. She reaches up and strokes the stubble on my jaw, and the friction makes my body hum. “Neil,” she whispers. “I’m sorry I scare so easily sometimes.”
“You have your reasons, kitten. I just need to learn to be more patient.”