Today… today I felt restless, walking a tightrope of emotion, like one wrong move could tip me over the edge. I resented being here. Resented my father and Sabrina and their stupid, rich, entitled lives. I hated Marc Denby and his friends and the way they looked at me as if I was less than dirt on the bottom of their shoes. But most of all, I hated myself.
I hated that I wasn’t stronger. That I wasn’t brave enough to storm up to Marc and dump my sloppy lunch all over his smug face. I hated that the first thing I’d thought of this morning when I’d woken up was slipping into my father and Sabrina’s bathroom and raiding their medicine cabinet for something—anything—to take the edge off.
I hated that my thoughts kept veering to Nix. That I kept imagining him swooping in to save me. He wasn’t my protector anymore, but my head and heart were having a real hard time sorting out the truth from the lies.
Once upon a time, Nix had been my best friend. Truth.
Once upon a time, he had made me feel special and cherished and had threatened anyone who dared hurt me. Truth.
Once upon a time, he had promised to always be there for me. Lie.
Big. Fat. Giant. Lie.
Because when I’d needed him the most, Nix had been nowhere to be seen. I could remember how it felt realizing he wasn’t going to come and save me from my father’s clutches. How it felt to realize that the boy I loved more than anything had abandoned me.
Yet, he’d stood there the other night, acting like something still existed between us. Like I was supposed to feel anything except pure hatred for the boy who broke me so permanently that I lost a part of myself.
“Harleigh?” Someone kicked me under the table, and I bolted back into the moment.
“Y-yeah?”
“Stop looking at him. You’ll only make him worse,” Celeste muttered.
Sure enough, Marc and his entire table were glaring in my direction.
“I’m not scared of him,” I said with a defiant tip of my chin.
“He’s not someone you want to cross, Harleigh. Is he an ass? Yes, yes, he is. But he’s a relentless ass. Don’t give him a reason to come after you.” Bitter laughter spilled out of me, and she gawked at me. “Are you okay?”
I was so far beyond okay. But I simply nodded, shoveling a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth, barely tasting it.
“Maybe you need to talk to Dr. Katy,” she said quietly.
“I’m fine.” Calling Dr. Katy was for emergencies only. I’d done my time at Albany Hills, attended their outpatients therapy group in the weeks before starting DA.
“You look like you’re about to go over there and flay him alive.”
My brow lifted with wicked intent. “Now there’s an idea.”
She snickered and some of the tension between us dissipated. “It’s the pep rally Friday…”
“No,” I said flatly.
“I was assuming you would say that. So me and Miles thought we could hang out instead and have ourselves an anti-pep rally.” She grinned but my chest constricted.
“You’d give up going to the pep rally for me?”
Even at Darling Hill High pep rallies were a big deal, so I knew a school like DA would go all out.
“Duh, of course. I never liked those things anyway. We can head downtown to the park again or hang out at Miles’s house.”
“Maybe,” I said, bowing my head slightly.
It felt weird to have Celeste and Miles include me in their plans. Outside of Nix, I’d never really had friends before.
“Don’t look so worried, Harleigh.” She chuckled, her soft laughter like an unexpected balm to my racing heart. “You’re one of us now, whether you like it or not.”
She meant the two of them—her and Miles. But as I tried to ignore Marc’s scowl, I wondered if her words held a bigger meaning. Because although I would never belong here, I was one of them now. A thorn among roses, an ugly duckling among a flock of swans. I was the piece that didn’t fit right.
The piece that ruined the whole damn puzzle.
Some days it didn’t bother me. Some days, I was barely aware of it. But today, today I couldn’t think about anything else.
“Psst.”
I glanced over my shoulder, frowning at Angelica Hatton, one of Marc Denby’s inner circle. “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“That… you spent time in a nuthouse.”
The ground slipped from under me, the world tilting on its axis.
“E-excuse me?”
Why wasn’t the teacher demanding decorum? Why wasn’t she intervening?
“You heard me, freak.” She sneered despite her saccharine tone. Her friends all snickered, blatantly listening in. “My sister is in your brother’s class, and he said you weren’t at your grandparents at all, that you—”
Blood roared in my ears, drowning out her voice.
Max.
Max had told her sister.
He had told someone the truth.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t open my mouth to take a breath, let alone answer.
I couldn’t do anything.
“Oh my God, she’s freaking out.” Angelica snickered under her breath. “She’s totally freaking out. Someone get the straitjacket ready.”
“Ange,” a deep voice from the back of the class said, and my eyes flew to Nate. He didn’t so much as glance in my direction, but that had been him, warning her.
“Relax, Nate.” She laughed it off, the sound like nails along a chalkboard. “We’re just talking, right, Harleigh?”
My body trembled as I clutched the lip of the table. She knew. Which meant they all knew. All because Max couldn’t keep his goddamn mouth shut.
Tears stung the backs of my eyes, but I locked them down, refusing to let even a single tear fall. My teeth clenched behind my pursed lips. Do not engage. Breathe. Be the bigger person. So what? They know. There’s no shame in it. You got help… you healed… you—
“Miss Maguire, is there a problem?”
“Uh, what?” My head whipped around and I blinked at Ms. Holland.
“Harleigh Maguire, you will not take that tone with me.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s simply unacceptable young lady.”
I sunk in my chair, trying to disappear. I wasn’t purposefully being rude, but I couldn’t organize my thoughts quickly enough. Not after the bomb Angelica had just dropped.
“Rude and a headcase. No wonder her mom offed herself.”
Someone gasped. “So cold, Ange.” Snickers rang out around me, echoing through my skull.
Without a second thought, I shoved all my things into my bag and stumbled over my chair.
“Miss Maguire, what—”
“Sorry, but I need to go.”
“You will not just leave my class, young lady.”
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” Angelica called after me, driving the knife a little deeper.
She didn’t owe me anything; none of them did. But what happened to basic human decency and compassion?
I burst into the empty hall and made a beeline for the girls’ bathroom, relieved to find that also empty. My body crashed into one of the stall doors and I sank down onto the floor, tipping my head back against the partitioning wall.