In as few words as possible, she told him. About her family. Their house. Her father leaving for another woman and their new life of poverty. Her mother’s descent into alcoholism. Her brothers’ lack of ambition, and recent criminal activity.
He listened quietly. When she had the courage to glance up at him, his expression was unreadable. Twice, she wanted to cut the story short, but forced herself to keep going, not to leave out anything crucial to who she really was.
When she finished, the silence was long and nearly unbearable.
Then he cleared his throat. “Why the shame, Allie?”
“Well it’s—” She laughed bitterly. “It’s not a pretty story.”
“No, it’s not. Why couldn’t you tell me this from the beginning? When I asked questions about your childhood? You shut me out.”
“I don’t—” She took a breath. “It’s not the kind of thing you can tell just anyone.”
“Uh...”
“No. Jeez. No, that came out wrong.” She gazed at him pleadingly. “You’re not just anyone, of course you’re not. But I hate that part of my life, I left it behind me for the most part. It’s not just you, I hardly tell anyone. And frankly, the last guy I told dropped me immediately.”
His eyes narrowed. “You think I’m the kind of person who would drop you because of something that happened twenty years ago? Because you don’t have money? You think I’m that shallow?”
His words hit her like a kick to the stomach. Of course he’d see it that way. Who wouldn’t? Why hadn’t she realized how it would seem to him?
“No,” she whispered. “I don’t think you’re that shallow. But I’m beginning to wonder if I am.”
14
IT WAS A RELIEF to be back at work, with everything going as expected, everything under control. Jonas’s weekend with Allie at Lake George had been anything but. Friday night, when he’d finally made love to her the way he’d wanted to from the moment he first met her in New York last Christmas, he’d been sure he was falling in love with her. He was even plotting to talk her out of taking the job in New York, and wondering how he could convince her to move to Boston. He’d like nothing better than to help support her while she started her own business, though he was well aware it was too soon to make those kinds of plans. He’d even fleetingly thought of starting his own company in New York, though it made little business sense given the wide array of contacts and clients he had here in Beantown. Still, in today’s mobile world anything was possible.
When she’d told him about her situation growing up, almost everything had changed. He still found her incredibly desirable, he still loved being with her, laughing with her, making love to her.
But...
Her revelation underscored how little they knew each other. How much she’d been holding back. How little she trusted him or his reaction. How little she understood what his life was about, and how little he understood hers.
It was time to put on the brakes. Time to stop thinking he’d found true love and start thinking with his rational brain. The fact that he’d been considering changing his life for her or asking her to change her life for him after such a short time together had been crazy, irrational, something his brother would do.
And so damn thrilling. He’d felt alive, without having realized he’d been half dead; he felt the life ahead of him was newly full of possibilities, that with Allie beside him, he could conquer mountains, move armies. Or was that the other way around?
God, he missed her.
He picked up a report and scanned the first page, felt his irritation rising. Same old ineffective solutions to the same old problems. Cut management. Freeze wages. Come into work. Leave work. Go home alone.
Jonas closed the report and tossed it onto his desk, shoved back his chair, and strode to the window, yanking his tie loose. Head close to the glass, he peered up at the sliver of gray sky the view afforded him.
He couldn’t stay here. Not when he had tasted the joy and freedom Allie brought him, even for such a short time.
The rest of the weekend with her had been dismal. Neither of them had recovered from her revelation. He was hurt, she felt rejected, and though they’d tried to rehash the subject a few times, their conversations were too accusing, too emotional, the gap too wide. No matter how many times he reassured her that he couldn’t care less where she came from, that her real self was what mattered to him, she didn’t buy it. Because he had money she assumed he looked down on her, that he was unable to judge her as a whole person.
And no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get over the way she’d judged him, or the way he’d fallen for someone who wasn’t what he thought. Again.
Ironically, they both wanted the same thing: someone who would love them for who they were.
His phone rang. Sandra. Perfect example. Sandra was from humble beginnings, but at least she’d been honest, and was proud of being that person. He didn’t know many people who were more comfortable in their own skin, more sure of who they were.
He picked up the phone eagerly. “Hey, there.”
“You hungry, baby?”
“Only for you.”
Her laughter sounded forced. “Can you meet for lunch? I can be at your building in ten minutes.”
Jonas looked at his watch. “It’s not even eleven.”
“Oh, right, I forgot, we’re not allowed to eat until noon because that’s when lunchtime starts.”
He rolled his eyes at her sarcasm. She knew him too well. “Okay, okay, I’ll meet you in ten minutes. Sandwich place across the street?”
“See ya there.”
She was waiting when he walked into the small, cheerful café, looking tired but beautiful as ever in a hot-pink top with her hair loosely pinned up. He kissed her cheek and sat opposite, wondering what was on her mind, guessing it had something to do with his brother. If Erik had hurt her...
“How was your weekend?”
“Oh, fine, fine. Let’s see.” She tapped her cheek, looking thoughtful. “Friday I had a quiet afternoon, did a show, came home, took a shower, poured wine...oh, and then your brother came over and told me he loved me.”
Jonas grinned. “Yeah?”
She stared at him, her lips parted in surprise. “You knew.”
“He told me.”