“Are you really okay with leaving Raven for two years?” I ask him.
He’s slow to respond. “Not really, but it’s something I feel as though I need to do. We’ve been in this same rut for years. We’ve danced around each other, and neither one of us is willing to change that. Maybe some distance will make things clearer.”
“And if she’s with someone else when you come home?”
“That would suck, but it’s a chance I have to take. We can’t seem to figure it out with this limbo we seem to be stuck in. Some time and some distance might be just what we need. Maybe I need to miss her so I can finally show her what she means to me.”
“That’s a big fucking risk, Clay.” Now is the perfect time to tell him how I feel about Riley, but I keep that to myself. I’m not ready to spill my guts just yet.
“Yeah.”
We’re both quiet, lost in our thoughts, and sipping on our beers. I think about what my parents said and how Clayton is willing to walk away from Raven just to see if they can get their shit together. Maybe that’s what I need too. Maybe I need to take some time away from the home that I love and the woman I love to see how we feel when I get back. Who knows, maybe she’ll miss me, and yeah, maybe we can be together.
“I want in,” I tell him, draining my beer.
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“You going to commit?”
“A year.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. I can build houses and shit. That’s what you’re doing, right?”
“That as well as helping them with crops, and things like that.”
“Perfect. I can handle it.”
“You got a passport?”
“Yep.”
“Let me call my director and see exactly what your options are.”
“Thanks, man.”
“You’re coming with me?” A slow smile crosses his face. “I guess we didn’t need these beers after all.”
“Nah, we’ll always need a beer on the front porch.”
He pulls out his phone and makes a call while I open my second beer and listen in. By the time he hangs up, I have a pretty good idea what he’s going to tell me.
“Okay, well, you do have to commit. They started changing that so that they’d know how many volunteers were available. They have twelve months, eighteen months, and twenty-four-month terms.”
“Can I add on if I want?”
“You can.”
“Let’s do twelve.”
“Are you sure about this, Hudson?”
“Not really.” I laugh. “But getting away sounds good.”
“What about Riley?” he asks.
“What about her?”
“Come on, man, I know you want her.”
“Yeah, well, nothing can happen if she doesn’t want me back.”
“Dude, I’ve seen the way she looks at you.”
“I tried to kiss her.”
“What? When?”
“Friday night when I drove her home. I thought it was our time. Finally.”
“What happened?”
“She brushed me off.” He grimaces. “So yeah, getting away sounds pretty good right now. My parents recommend it, and it’s not like I won’t know anyone. You’ll be there.”
“All right. I’ll text him your email. He’ll send you a contract, and you leave in a week with me.”
“You gonna share your farewell party with me?” His answer is to hold his beer out to me, and we clink bottles.
Just like that, I’ve committed to living in another country for a minimum of a year with my best friend. The manual labor is something I’m used to here on the farm, and maybe, hopefully, when I get home, Riley will have missed me, and she’ll be mine. And if not, well, I’ll just have to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and move on.
CHAPTER 5
Riley
I almost didn’t come. I’ve been avoiding our friends all week in an attempt to avoid just one person. Hudson. I kissed him. Well, maybe he kissed me. I’m not really sure. My mind was clouded with alcohol, and my body was fueled with adrenaline. I do remember the feel of his lips pressed to mine. I remember his taste and the look on his face when I stopped it.
It’s not that I didn’t want to kiss him. I’ve wanted that very thing for longer than I can remember. The issue is that I was worried. One kiss would lead to two, two would lead to ten, and ten would lead to sex. I was drunk. Not so drunk that I didn’t remember the events of the evening, but I wasn’t risking sleeping with my lifelong crush only to not remember it the next day. I wanted a clear head. So I pushed him away, and the embarrassment of doing so led me to rush inside my house, leaving a stunned and, from the look on his face, a hurt Hudson on my front porch.
Not my finest moment.
I took a taste of the forbidden, and now it’s all that I can think about. I was worried I wouldn’t remember, but I shouldn’t have been. Some details are fuzzy, but the feel of his lips pressed to mine is there.
So yeah, avoidance has been my middle name all week. I used the excuse that I was cleaning out the spare bedroom and painting. I’ve been talking about doing it since the day I moved in. It’s one of those “I want to get to it” kind of things. The trouble with that excuse is that I had to actually do it. That way, when my overly perceptive twin sister decides to stop in and check on me, I’m not lying.
Not completely anyway.
I debated with myself all week long about showing up, but at the end of the day, Clayton and Hudson are both good friends of mine. This party has been planned for weeks to say farewell to Clayton. It’s just been in the last week that Hudson's name was added as a guest of honor.
I didn’t realize that Hudson was thinking of traveling to Guatemala with Clayton. When I asked Raven about it after she told me he was leaving and turned my world upside down, she told me it was a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. I know his parents met in the Peace Corps, and she said something about him finding himself or something like that. To be honest, I was only half listening. I could barely hear my own thoughts over the rumble of thunder in my chest.
Pulling into the parking lot of the local VFW hall, I stare at the building. I’ve been here several times for parties, graduation parties, baby showers, weddings. You name it. However, today is the first time I’ve ever dreaded going inside.
I don’t want to do this.
I don’t want to face him.
I don’t want to say goodbye.
To either of them. This isn’t just about Hudson. Clayton grew up with us, and it’ll be hard to say goodbye to him for two long years. Not to mention, I know my sister is in love with him, but she’s too stubborn to tell him. All the blame doesn’t lie with Raven, though. Clayton is just as guilty. However, I keep my mouth shut, considering I’ve harbored my own feelings for Hudson for years, and keep that shit locked up tight.
Regardless, my sister and I are saying goodbye to the men we’re secretly in love with, so yeah, tonight is going to suck. Squaring my shoulders, I grab my purse, making sure the cards I bought for each of them are inside, pull my keys from the ignition, and push open the door to my car. I have a plan. Get in and get out. I’ve already concocted a story of a headache. I won’t drink so that I can drive and get away when I’m ready.