“Then why was Uncle Gunnar kissing you if you don’t have a hurt—”
Mikaela cupped a hand over the little girl’s mouth. “Shhh. . . .”
Following Mikaela out of the shed, I couldn’t hold back a smile. “Actually, Mikaela does have a hurt, and I’m guessing it will need tending again. Soon.”
The girls glanced between the two of us.
Mikaela shook her head, avoiding eye contact with me. “Don’t listen to Uncle Gunnar. He’s just being silly—” Her attention locked in on someone standing at the edge of the gardens near the keep.
Frans.
He held himself rigidly, and the dark scowl above eyes radiating with pain said it all: he’d witnessed our kissing.
Wearing his blacksmith apron and holding tools in both hands, it was clear he’d come from the forge. But for what purpose? Had he followed me after I’d said farewell to Torvald? Had he suspected I’d been on a mission to find Mikaela?
What had my mission been in the first place? Hadn’t I planned to tell her I would give her the money for the bride price regardless of whether she loved Frans? What had happened to my good intentions?
I held back a sigh, reality rushing in and rattling me. I’d been a fool to give leave to my impulsiveness. I thought I’d gotten better over recent years in learning self-control and being a stronger and better man.
Apparently, I was still weak when it came to Mikaela.
She released Renate and straightened, watching Frans with ever-widening eyes. What was she thinking? That she’d made a mistake in kissing me? That she’d hurt Frans? That now he wouldn’t marry her?
I wanted to remind her again that Frans wasn’t right for her. But I honestly couldn’t think of any man who would be right for Mikaela. Except me.
My stomach churned with unease. I was being selfish. As usual. And I was undermining Mikaela’s happiness and future with a good man. Frans might not be perfect for her. But he was the best option. It had been easy to see how much he loved her and that he’d do anything for her. They would live out their days working at Likness and finding happiness together. Who was I to stand in the way of that?
Frans stared at her but a moment longer before spinning and stomping away.
She didn’t make a move to follow him even as her gaze trailed him until he rounded the castle and moved out of sight.
“Is Frans angry with you, Mikaela?” Rikissa asked.
Mikaela reached out and smoothed back the girl’s flyaway blond strands, her fingers trembling. “Yes, I’ve caused him grief.”
“I am to blame.” I combed my hand through my hair, half wishing I could just pull it out. What was wrong with me that I was interfering with Mikaela and Frans? The only thing I truly wanted for her was that she be happy and stable and secure. Since it couldn’t be with me, I had to ensure she found that with Frans.
“I acted without thinking.” I turned what I hoped were apologetic eyes upon Mikaela. “And I shouldn’t have—”
“Don’t say it.” Her tone dropped to a dangerous decibel.
If Frans had seen us kissing, who else had? I glanced around. No one else was present except Rikissa and Renate. I would have to figure out a way to bribe them into staying silent about what they’d seen.
“Renate’s turn to count.” Mikaela’s voice was strained with forced cheerfulness. “Go on now, and the two of you play a round without me so I can finish speaking with your uncle.”
“Is he going to kiss your hurt again?” Rikissa asked.
“No.” Mikaela couldn’t get the word out fast enough.
This time I didn’t contradict her even though everything within me wanted to kiss her again. I’d already kissed her two times too many—once during my last visit home and just now.
That had to be enough. The two kisses would have to sustain me for the rest of my life.
Chapter
10
Mikaela
Had I really just kissed Gunnar?
As I watched Riki and Rena skip away hand in hand into the arbor, sparks were still flying through my body. I didn’t dare look at Gunnar, but I was aware of each of his movements: the jabbing of his fingers into his hair, the shifting of his weight from one leg to the other, the clearing of his throat.
Gunnar seemed to be watching and waiting for Riki and Rena to disappear too. Did he intend to pull me back into the shed and kiss me again?
The sparks crackled into flames, and I was tempted to reach up and touch my lips. They felt swollen and changed from his kiss, and somehow, I sensed they’d never be the same again.
This kiss had been entirely different from the one he’d stolen from me five years ago. We’d been young and unsure, and the kiss had been so light and tender that it had barely qualified as a kiss, at least compared to what we’d just shared.
Oh heavens above. Nothing could compare with this one.
I stifled a sigh and forced myself not to push Gunnar into the shed, slam the door closed, and throw myself at him. Before I kissed him again, I had to do the right thing and talk to Frans.
I needed to apologize to him for kissing Gunnar without first bringing an end to our relationship. Even though Frans and I weren’t betrothed or promised to each other, we’d had an understanding of a future together, and I regretted that I’d betrayed him. It was cruel of me, and I was ashamed that I’d hurt him.
But it was all too clear I couldn’t marry him. I’d tried all week to make myself love him. But something inside resisted the idea, perhaps always had. Was it the same something that had secretly been relieved when he hadn’t been able to pay the bride price after the fire? I hadn’t wanted to admit the relief even to myself, but how could I deny it any longer? Especially with how I felt about Gunnar.
And how, exactly, did I feel about Gunnar?
I slanted him a sideways look. His brow was furrowed, his eyes troubled. He’d apologized for kissing me and had taken the blame for Frans’s anger upon himself, was likely already making plans to speak with Frans.
“I’ll talk to Frans,” I said quietly. “I’ll explain to him that—that—” What? What was the nature of my relationship now with Gunnar? With each passing day, I’d sensed my feelings changing. With how considerate he’d been in continuing to give me food, with the desserts every eve, with the stories he told more for me than the girls, with the teasing and smiles in passing—all of it reminded me of what I’d always loved about him, how thoughtful, caring, sweet, and funny he was.
Surely the kiss meant he wanted to be with me. And I could no longer deny how much I wanted to be with him. I’d already tried on that account and failed at it miserably.
The truth was, the more I was around Gunnar, the more I realized he was everything I needed in a man. Yes, I’d labeled him as my enemy. And I’d tried to hate him.
But I couldn’t any longer.
Gunnar pulled at the shed door, closing it firmly, clearly having no plans to take me back inside. “When you speak with Frans, tell him I’m giving you the money for the bride price.”
“What?” Why would I need the money now? After this kiss . . .
“I’m taking away my stipulation that you need to love him.” Gunnar stared into the distance, still not meeting my gaze. “I’ll give you the money without any conditions. It’s what I should have done all along, and I’m sorry I didn’t.”