He cleared his throat. “It’s no big deal, Olivia. Apology accepted.”
I sank down onto the kitchen chair. “You must have hated me.”
“Hate’s a strong word.”
“Is it?”
“Well . . . ,” he replied.
I laughed. “I can hardly blame you.”
Gabriel laughed too. “We were young. Life is very dramatic for twentysomethings. And if it makes you feel any better, I eventually understood where you were coming from. You needed to hit me over the head with a crowbar to get me to hear what you were saying to me—that you wanted your freedom, and I just wasn’t the one.”
It was true. Gabriel hadn’t been the one. Dean was the one. He would always be the one.
“I was a slow learner,” Gabriel added.
“No, you weren’t. It was my fault too. I think a part of me was scared about venturing out into the world without you. I wanted to feel that you’d always be there for me. Because you were my best friend.”
“Until Dean came along,” he said.
I exhaled. “Yes.”
I could have said so much more—that when I met Dean, I felt as if I’d found the person who would be there for me until my dying day. Our love was instantaneous and passionate and mutual, and not even the disapproval of my family and the withdrawal of their financial support could stop me from running away with him. I would have given up everything to be with him.
But I didn’t say those things to Gabriel because it would only rub salt in an old wound.
“I’m glad you called,” he said, “because I want us to be friends. You still mean a lot to me, and I hope you know that I’m here for you if you ever need anything. I’m not trying to make romantic overtures or win you back. I swear, when I called you, I just wanted to go out for a nice meal and hear about your life.”
“I’d like to hear about your life too,” I replied. “I’m curious about the nurse. Rachel told me about her. And your job. How you ended up in the school music program when you once had big plans to start a record label.”
He laughed. “Those were the dreams of a nineteen-year-old.”
“Then you grew up,” I replied.
“Yes, and I have no regrets. I love what I do. Kids today need more jazz in their lives.”
I felt a warm glow inside of me. “I would like to hear more about that. Is it too late to accept your dinner invitation? I could get Mom to take Rose for an evening. She’d love that.”
“How about Friday?” Gabriel suggested. “I’ll make a reservation somewhere.”
“That sounds great.”
I told him my address, and he said he would come by at 7:00 p.m. Then I hung up the phone and felt a surprising surge of excitement—something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. Already, I was starting to think about what I might wear.
But then I felt guilty and disloyal, as if I were cheating on Dean. Or the memory of Dean.
I tried to remind myself that he was truly gone, and he wasn’t coming home—ever—and surely, he would want me to go on living. To be happy somehow. But the thought of him coming home to me blossomed again in my imagination, and I found myself thinking of him on that sailboat with the wind in his hair, waving to me as he arrived at the marina, eager to tell me all about the life he had been living at sea.
Maybe I was crazy, but I just couldn’t bring myself to turn off that light in the window. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to do that.
Then I heard my mother’s voice in my head. Just give it time, she always told me. I was trying . . . but how long was it going to take?
CHAPTER 24
OLIVIA
It wasn’t a date, I told myself when Gabriel knocked on my door at 7:00 p.m. I had dropped Rose off at my mother’s apartment earlier in the afternoon, which allowed me time to enjoy a leisurely shower and get dressed. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard, so I chose pants and flat shoes with a plain silk blouse, though I dressed everything up with a necklace and hoop earrings.
“Hi. Come in,” I said, stepping back to invite him inside. “I just need to grab my purse and coat.”
Gabriel walked in and patted Ziggy, who had trotted to the door. “Nice place.”
“Thanks. Although you didn’t see it an hour ago. Everywhere you looked—toys, toys, toys.”
“Sorry I missed that.” He waited patiently while I pulled on my trench coat and watched Ziggy turn circles over his bed in the living room before lying down. Then Gabriel and I made our way to the elevator.
“I’m glad we’re doing this,” he said as he pushed the down button. “And I’m surprised, to be honest. I half expected you to change your mind at the last minute.”
“I expected that too. But here we are. It’s seven o’clock, and we made it across the finish line.”
“Or at least out of the starting gate,” he replied with a smile.
We chatted about the weather, of all things, as we rode the elevator down and walked out of the building. It was a beautiful June evening, humid but breezy. I caught the fragrance of lilacs in someone’s front garden and stopped to take hold of a fresh bloom. “That’s lovely.”
“The smell of lilacs always reminds me of my childhood,” Gabriel said.
“The house in Connecticut? With the rabbits?”
“That’s the one.”
We started walking again.
“That was such a wonderful house,” I said. “I loved going there. Are you sorry your parents sold it?”
“Sometimes. But mostly I’m glad they’re in a smaller place now. Easier to maintain.”
I turned to him and smiled. “Did you know that your mother sent me a gift when Rose was born? It was the most adorable little blue velvet dress with white lace trimming. She wore it on her first birthday.”
“That sounds like my mom,” Gabriel said.
We continued to catch up as we walked the six blocks to a Greek restaurant I had never been to before. Inside, the walls were painted white with bright-blue trim, and the floor was flagstone. The hostess showed us to our table at the back, nestled beneath an artificial olive tree. Tiny lights on the black ceiling glimmered like stars.
Gabriel held my chair out for me. “Sorry for this,” he said. “I didn’t know it was going to be so romantic. Please ignore.”
I laughed. “Don’t apologize. This is marvelous. I feel like I’m on a patio in Santorini.”
The waiter arrived to take our drink orders, and Gabriel selected a bottle of red wine from Zakynthos. Then we spent time reminiscing about our trip to Europe after our freshman year of college when we backpacked through France, Austria, and Germany with our friends.
“We were a tight group back then,” I said, also remembering how Gabriel and I had become a couple that summer. It was an exciting time.
Our wine arrived, and we paused to look over the menu. We began with an appetizer platter of grilled vegetables, Halloumi, olives, and crispy toasted bread. Then I ordered pastitsio with a Greek salad, and Gabriel ordered the halibut.
“This is heaven,” I said with a sigh. “You have no idea. Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure. Truly.”