I picked up a movie with Rosalind Russell and read the back-cover description, then replaced it on the shelf and continued looking. Finally, I realized I was being ridiculous, lingering in the store and trying to conjure Gabriel somehow with the force of my imagination. But he didn’t appear. Eventually, I stood in line and rented three movies for the weekend.
After we returned home, I gave Rose a bath and read her a story. When she was finally asleep, I made popcorn and watched Alfred Hitchcock’s first color film, Rope—the story of a sinister murder amid a group of college students.
When I went to bed, I wished I had chosen something lighter, because I couldn’t stop thinking about the dead body that was hidden in a chest beneath the buffet table, right under everyone’s noses as they sampled the food. I had a hard time sleeping that night.
CHAPTER 25
OLIVIA
The September air was cool and crisp the morning I dropped Rose off for her first day at Kinder Social Time. She was signed up for three sessions a week at a children’s center in Greenwich Village, which promised arts and crafts, games, and sing-alongs. I was excited for her to learn new social skills, but when it came time to leave her, she cried and clung to my leg, and I almost changed my mind about the program, thinking she was too young. Thankfully, a teacher stepped in and lured Rose into the classroom with the promise of finger painting. When I was certain that she was comfortable, I left the building and walked to a little coffee shop I used to frequent when I lived in the neighborhood. I ordered a large latte with a chocolate chip muffin and was on my way out when I bumped into an old friend who was on his way in.
“Olivia! How are you?”
It was Brendan, from Tisch. He was sporting a trendy new haircut and a brown leather jacket and jeans.
“I’m okay,” I replied as we hugged. “It’s good to see you. What have you been up to?”
“I’m working on a TV series for NBC,” he explained as we moved out of the doorway and spoke on the sidewalk. “We’re shooting some scenes around the corner. How about you?”
I adjusted my purse strap on my shoulder and pointed in the direction of the play center. “I just dropped my daughter off at preschool.”
His cheeks flushed a little. “Oh. Listen . . . I heard about what happened to your husband. I’m really sorry. I was going to send a card, but I didn’t have your address . . .”
I waved a hand dismissively. “Please, it’s fine. It’s been a few years now. All is well.”
It was an awkward conversation, so I changed the subject. “I thought you went to LA after graduation?”
“I did. I worked on a bunch of shows for NBC, but when they needed someone in New York, I was quick to volunteer.”
“You’re enjoying it?”
“A hundred percent. What about you? Working on anything?”
“Just motherhood.”
He shifted uneasily as if he wasn’t quite sure what to say in response.
I was annoyed with myself for saying “just motherhood,” as if it were less important than what he was doing.
“Hey, listen,” he said. “I’m about to grab a coffee and head back. Would you like to see the set? I can get you past the barricades. Maybe it’ll inspire you.”
I tried not to be offended by the suggestion that I was suffering from a lack of inspiration or motivation. Rose was the center of my world. She kept me busy and inspired enough, and I liked being a full-time mother. I was happy with my life.
“I wish I could,” I replied, checking my watch, “but I have a bunch of errands to run before I pick up my daughter. But thank you for the invitation. It was really good to see you.”
His shoulders drooped a little, as if he was surprised and disappointed that I had not leaped at the chance to go with him. “It was good to see you too.”
There was another awkward pause as we stood on the sidewalk.
“Bye, Brendan.” I watched him enter the coffee shop. Then I turned and walked back to my car.
“I think it might have been a pickup line,” I said to Rachel when I called her that afternoon.
“I’m sure most women would fall over backward to get on a film set and see some TV stars,” Rachel replied. “That line probably works wonders for him normally. But you’re not most women.”
“No, I’m not,” I said with a sigh. Rose was down for a nap, so I sat at the kitchen table with a cup of Earl Grey tea. “Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Wouldn’t most women in my situation be open to a relationship by now? It’s been more than three years, and I act like I’m still married.” I held my hand up and looked at my wedding ring, which I had not yet removed.
“You’re the one who said you’ll be ready when you’re ready, and whatever will be will be.”
“I said that when I felt like everyone was pressuring me to get back together with Gabriel.”
“No one was pressuring you,” she argued. “Your mother invited him for dinner as a thank-you for the tickets to see Cinderella. That’s all.”
“Mmm.” I tugged at the string attached to my tea bag and bobbed it up and down in the mug. “But why didn’t he call me after that? I never heard from him after that dinner.”
“Did you want to hear from him?” Rachel asked. “I seem to recall that you didn’t.”
I sat back in my chair. “Well, I wasn’t ready for anything serious.”
“But you’re ready now?”
“No, I’m not saying that. But I do think about him sometimes.” I sat forward as a thought came to me. “Is he seeing someone? Is that why he hasn’t called and why everyone stopped pushing him on me?”
Rachel laughed. “For the hundredth time, no one was pushing him on you. But now that you ask, yes, I did hear that he went out on a few dates.”
My stomach clenched a little. “With whom?”
“I don’t know her name or anything about her, only that they were fixed up on a blind date.”
“Who fixed them up?” Surely not Rachel or Thomas.
“Someone at his school,” Rachel told me. “One of the other teachers, I think. But don’t worry. It didn’t work out.”
“I’m not worried,” I assured her, though I wasn’t sorry to hear that it hadn’t developed into anything. “He has every right to date people, and so do I. If I was so inclined, that’s exactly what I would do.”
Rachel laughed into the phone. “Sure. Listen, I have to go. I’m not even close to being packed for our trip, and Amelia just woke up.”
“Let me know if you need a ride to the airport,” I offered. “I don’t mind. I have nothing else on the go.”
“Thank you, but Thomas already has a car arranged. So if I don’t talk to you before we leave, I might call you from Atlanta. Thomas will be busy with the conference, and I might get bored.”
“I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time.”
The next night, I watched Seinfeld and began to feel a vague pain in the right side of my lower belly. I suspected it had something to do with the fact that I hadn’t eaten much that day, so I forced myself to make a piece of toast and force it down.