Because you couldn’t unsee his torso. Because you looked it up, and then looked at examples online even if they didn’t quite compare to seeing it in person.
She had done that. Definitely. It’d made her skin feel too tight to keep looking at images and knowing she had the perfect example in the same house.
“It’s not a good idea,” she said, pushing aside her lusty thoughts. “We’ve known each other not quite a month—”
“Longer than that. A couple of months at least.”
“Because I waited on you at the diner. That’s not knowing who I am as a person. That’s me being nice in hopes you’d leave a big tip!” She shot to her feet and stared him down, that insane heat still rising inside her. “I’m not going to marry you and be your live-in maid and cook. What if we’re miserable together after six months? You planning to stick it out for Alice? Because that’s not the future I want. I want heat and passion and a man who wants me because of me, not because I’m good enough to sleep with and capable of taking care of his kid.”
Noah was frowning now. “That’s not what I mean, Jenna. I like having you here. You’re good for Alice, and you’re good for me.” He raked a hand through his hair again, and it stood on end. He was so attractive with his mussed up hair, his tan T-shirt and tan camouflage pants with combat boots.
The T-shirt molding to the muscles beneath made her mouth water. His biceps flexed as he lifted his beer again, and she nearly moaned. If military guys did it for a girl, this was what they pictured when they thought about it.
A hot, uniformed dude with muscles that wouldn’t quit. A definite fantasy. She imagined pushing his T-shirt up, feasting her eyes on his ridged abdomen again. Touching him. The heat in her body flared to nuclear levels.
“Shit, I’ve fucked this all up, haven’t I?” he muttered.
Jenna sucked in a breath, willing herself to calm the fuck down. Part of her wanted to straddle his lap, tug his head back, and kiss the hell out of him. See if Noah Cross kissed as hot as he looked.
The realistic part told her not to cross that line. She needed to be extracting herself from his life, not getting more tangled in it. And kissing him was definitely getting tangled. Especially when she thought about what she wanted to do after that.
“I understand where you’re coming from. Really. You’ve been put into an impossible position. But marrying someone you don’t know because your niece likes her isn’t the answer.”
He was quiet for a moment. And then, “I would’ve asked you out. When you were at the diner. I thought about it. More than once.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
He let his gaze drop over her. “Because I thought you were too nice for me.”
“Too nice? How can anyone be too nice? That’s like saying too rich or too sexy or too smart. They aren’t bad things.”
“No, not bad things at all.”
“I would have gone out with you if you’d asked.”
His gaze speared into her again. “And if I ask now?”
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
“I-I don’t know.” Jeez, Jenna, tell the man you have to leave.
“Why not? Because you’re living here?”
“Maybe.”
“I would have agreed with you before, but I don’t anymore. What if we could make something of this? What if my proposal isn’t so far-fetched after all? Shouldn’t we find out?”
Panic wound through her—but so did heat and happiness. He wanted to explore the possibilities. Part of her wanted it as well. But it was too late.
Yet, what if it wasn’t? She’d been so focused on leaving, on changing her identity, that she hadn’t stopped to think how well she was hidden in his house. And if she married him and took his name? She could be a suburban mom, not a woman who worked random jobs and worried about being too visible. She’d given up on the idea of ever being a lawyer now, so why not be a mom instead of someone who was always hustling to make a living?
Jenna gave herself a mental shake. She was grasping at straws because a man she found outrageously sexy both inside and out was suddenly expressing interest in her.
“I have to leave,” she blurted.
Noah blinked. “You mean leave the conversation right now, or leave as in move out and find another job?”
Jenna’s courage faltered as she fumbled for the answer. A buzzer sounded from the kitchen, saving her.
“I mean I have to get the enchiladas out of the oven and fix the salad. Can you watch Alice?”
He nodded, but he was frowning hard as he did so. “Of course.”
“Thanks,” she called over her shoulder as she hurried inside. She took the casserole from the oven and set it on the stove to cool. Then she sucked in a breath and leaned against the counter, her gaze going to Noah and Alice like a magnet to metal.
She didn’t want to leave them. The thought of driving out of their lives and never seeing them again hurt far more than she’d thought possible. But she had to. For all their sakes.
Noah cleaned up the dinner dishes while Jenna took Alice upstairs for bath time and getting into her PJs. They didn’t speak much for the next couple of hours, though Noah played with Alice for a while and then helped tuck her into bed. She wanted a story. But not just any story. A specific book about a puppy who dug a hole under a fence.
Jenna slipped away while Noah read. Alice cut her gaze toward Jenna as she left, but then her attention riveted on Noah until her eyes drooped and she slept soundly. Noah watched her for a few moments.
She looked like Sally, and his heart ached with pain. He missed his sister. He’d missed her for three years. Maybe he’d been wrong to be so hard on her about the pills and drinking, but he’d hated seeing her make the same mistakes again and again.
He hadn’t known she’d stop speaking to him, but he should have realized she would. He should have also refused to let it go on for so long, but life got in the way and missions took up a lot of time, and before he knew it he was getting a call that she’d died. He knew her well enough to know that she’d stayed silent because she’d wanted to get back on track and show up again one day with her life together. She’d wanted him to be proud of her.
He’d never get to tell her that he was proud of her. Sally had been a survivor, and she’d done so much to keep going. He could tell Alice one day, but only if he was still in her life to do so.
Noah closed his eyes and blew out a soft breath before creeping from the room. He went downstairs, intending to sit on the patio and listen to some music for a while.
He’d made a pretty big mess of things with Jenna. He didn’t know why he’d gotten the idea to marry her, but it’d popped into his head and seemed like a solid plan. And, if he had to admit it, it was an easier plan than searching for a family.
That wasn’t a good reason to propose to a woman, though. He still thought the idea was sound, even if Jenna had acted like he’d popped a balloon behind her back without warning.
Noah grabbed a beer and went out to light the wood in the fire pit. He got the portable speaker and queued up some Steely Dan, then leaned back and listened as the strains of “Hey, Nineteen” began to play. He’d never managed to change out of his combat boots and uniform pants, but it didn’t matter. He was more than accustomed to wearing desert camouflage around the clock.