It’s obvious Krud has no evidence Winston and I fought, unless that little weasel went to him to complain. When Coach doesn’t play me in the scrimmage, I have my answer. It doesn’t matter. It’s better for my hand anyway.
By Sunday, when I finally get my first day off after two weeks of nonstop practice, I’m in a vicious mood. Krud hasn’t let up. He might not have given any kind of official punishment for fighting, but it’s obvious he thinks I was responsible. And yeah, I might’ve thrown the first punch, but Winston is the one who approached me and said such vile things about my girlfriend. I’m sure he didn’t bother to mention any of that to Krud.
When I pull up to Sienna’s house, relief hits me hard. I need to see my girls. I need my dose of sunshine. Despite the awkward conversation we had when Sienna visited the dorms, she still video-calls at night so I can talk to Lily. And while Sienna acts like nothing’s wrong, I know we still need to talk.
I’m not sure what I can say about Winston, but at the same time, I don’t want his crap building in my head. But I want to take Dr. Patricia’s words to heart about being open. At least as much as I can without hurting Sienna.
Not being able to see my therapist since training camp started isn’t helping either, but I’ve been thinking long and hard about the advice Dr. P has given me over the last year to try to keep my shit together.
Lily and Sienna are the antidote to my bad mood. Except I see Magnolia when I walk through the front door instead of my girlfriend.
“Daddy!” Lily scoots off the couch and beelines it to me. I scoop her up and cover her face in kisses.
“Hey, peanut. Are you being a good girl?”
She nods and starts babbling about... well, I’m not sure what, but she’s cute as shit, and I kiss her again.
“Hi, Magnolia.” I glance around. “Where’s Sienna?”
“She had to go to Austin at the last minute. She said she texted you.”
Austin? Fuck.
I put down my daughter and reach into my gym bag where I threw my phone in with a load of laundry I need to run.
* * *
Had a yoga emergency in Austin! Be back in a bit!
* * *
I check my watch. Fortunately, it’s still early.
I have to return to the dorms by eight. Krud’s curfew is ridiculous. He says he doesn’t want to give anyone time to get “out of the zone.” Sully always gave us two nights off and all of Sunday. Miss that man.
But the morning and afternoon go by and Sienna’s still not home.
* * *
Hey, what’s your ETA? I have to leave soon.
* * *
Her crying emoji instantly deflates any hope I had that she’d get back in time. As I scan her messages, my anxiety ramps from zero to sixty.
* * *
I’m so sorry I’m running late! I had car trouble! I got a tow, but it’ll probably be a few more hours before I make it back.
* * *
She assures me she’s fine, that she’s okay and apologizes for messing up our plans. I tell her I understand. And I do. But I’m not sure how to deal with the frustration that builds in my chest.
After making sure Magnolia can stay with Lily until Sienna makes it back, I head outside into the night feeling bleaker than when I arrived.
41
SIENNA
I wrangle Lily onto my hip and make my way up the stadium ramp. Today, the media and fans are allowed to watch the team practice, and I wanted to bring Lily so we could cheer on Ben.
I still feel terrible I didn’t get a chance to see him last weekend. He was very understanding about what happened and said everything was fine, but he still feels distant and the conversations have been awkward. I’m hoping it’s just the stress of training camp and being sequestered in the dorms.
I hadn’t intended to be gone so long on Sunday, but Naomi had a yoga retreat emergency when one of her instructors called in sick at the last minute. I thought I could squeeze it in and be back before noon. Then I got stuck in traffic on the way back from Austin and hit a pothole the size of a small barnyard animal. It all went south from there. I was in tears when I finally got back and realized Ben had already left.
Squinting against the harsh sun, I search the field for Ben. It takes me a minute to realize he’s on the sideline while they scrimmage. That’s weird.
Lily and I settle on a bench in the front row, and I balance her on my legs so she can see the field. “Look, there’s Daddy! Number twenty-one.”
I shamelessly eavesdrop on the ESPN reporter next to me, and that’s when I learn Cal is playing tight end, along with some other player, instead of Ben.
Did he get in trouble for that fight after all?
He doesn’t see us because his back is to us. Half an hour goes by before he makes it out onto the field.
And immediately scores a touchdown.
Lily and I yell, and I jump around with her in my arms. He eventually looks out to the stands when he’s drinking water and gives me a huge grin. He trots over and leaps up the brick wall to hang off the side.
I lean over to kiss him. He’s sweaty and hot and flushed, and I’ve never seen a more beautiful face. “Hey, handsome. Nice job with that touchdown.”
“How are my girls?” He kisses Lily on the cheek, and she giggles.
His coach yells at him to stop screwing around.
Ben looks down at the ground, his jaw clenched.
“Sorry, I don’t want to get you in trouble. We just wanted to cheer for you a little.”
“Thanks, sunshine. You’re the best.”
Then he’s gone.
Tomorrow is the last day of camp, thank God! I plan to make a nice dinner for us because we are desperately in need of some one-on-one time. I pray this situation with his coach isn’t as bad as I think it is.
But when he finally makes it home, Lily is so excited to see him that she won’t go to bed and sits on his lap while we have dinner. I’m reluctant to bring up anything too serious while she’s awake. I’d rather those two enjoy their time together. Unfortunately, he promptly falls asleep on the couch after he gets her tucked in for the night.
The next day is a whirlwind of getting textbooks and school supplies and things we need for Lily. It’s crazy that these guys get one day off before classes start and regular football practice kicks in.
Finally, that night, we come together in bed for a fierce round of sex, and I fall asleep half on top of him. The sex is amazing. It always is, but I can’t help but feel something is missing.
What’s strange is how he doesn’t want to talk about football or his coach or what happened with Cal. He doesn’t want to discuss why his coach didn’t start him in the scrimmage or why Cal is playing tight end. I feel like there’s a part of Ben I can’t reach.
I keep thinking he’ll eventually let me in if I don’t push him, but after a week back home, it still hasn’t happened. Classes are in full swing, his practices are grueling, and we’re busy juggling Lily’s daycare with Magnolia and one other girl we hired, and I’m exhausted. Judging by the circles under Ben’s eyes, he is too.