But still, he keeps it all bottled up.
Not able to stand it anymore, I gently nudge him to open up. “How is Dr. Patricia? Did you get a chance to talk to her while you were at training camp?”
“She was on vacation.” He presses his palms into his eyes and leans back on the couch, groaning. “I was supposed to make a weekly appointment with her for the fall, but I didn’t get a chance, and now she’s booked during the times I have available. Which is a joke because I barely have a lunch break, but that’s when I’d be able to see her.”
Damn it. “I’m sorry.”
I crawl into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck and burrow my nose in his neck. His strong arms wrap around me, and for some reason, this makes my eyes sting. I sniffle as subtly as possible, but he hears it.
He rubs my back. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head, hating that I don’t feel close to him, but I don’t know what to do. When I get my emotions under control, I whisper, “I’m stressed out, and I feel like you’re distant.”
Deep down, I wonder if this has to do with Cal. If he said something to Ben. Because ever since that fight, Ben’s been different. That emotional wall he’s always been known for seems back in place, and I don’t know how to scale it. It’s possible this is about his coach, but he’s not interested in discussing football with me in any depth.
He sighs and presses his face against my neck. “One of my classes got switched. Without it, I can’t double-degree. Getting my degrees is the whole reason I didn’t go for the draft. And if that gets fucked up, then what the hell am I doing? I barely see Lily, and that shit fills me with guilt. I don’t know how Janelle can just run off to Dallas and never bother to call and see if she’s okay. Just... I’m really fucking overwhelmed.”
Fierce relief spreads through me. He hasn’t shared this kind of stuff with me in weeks.
I run my hand through his hair, and he groans as his head rolls back. He loves when I do this. “You’re doing your best. This fall is your chance to set up your and your daughter’s situation for life. That’s a lot of pressure.”
My heart goes out to him. He works so hard. Since classes started, he’s been absolutely slammed. After school and practice, he spends a little time with Lily, gets her ready for bed, and then he hits the books.
“You’re doing great,” I whisper as I kiss his strong jaw. “Just keep your focus, and all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place. I know your coach is an ass, and he’s not being fair with you, but you still dazzle out there on the field. You make everything look effortless. NFL teams are going to see that.”
Even with the little time he played in the scrimmage last week, he looked magnificent. And I’m not being biased. That ESPN reporter and his camera guy noted how well Ben played and wondered why he wasn’t being utilized more.
“Thanks, sunshine. I appreciate the vote of confidence.” He gives me a smile, but his eyes still look distant.
We watch a movie, but he’s asleep before it’s over. I curl up next to him and hope that everything I just told him comes true.
Because I don’t know what will happen if it doesn’t.
42
SIENNA
The next night, I’m feeling hopeful Ben and I can get some momentum after our conversation yesterday.
Maggie is watching Lily while he and I run out to grab some dinner. It’s not a lot of time, but I want to make the most of it. I’m wondering if Ben would like to sneak off to the park to talk or mess around. I adore Lily, but having a kid around constantly makes it tough when you’re trying to get close to your boyfriend.
He and I are standing in line at the takeout window of Tumbleweed, waiting to order burgers, when I glance over my shoulder and my plans for a fun evening with him take a dive.
“Oh, shit,” I whisper. “Incoming.”
I’ve been dreading this moment. I turn back toward the line, hoping Cal doesn’t see us. A second later, Ben drapes his arm around my shoulders as he mumbles in my ear. “Take a deep breath. Everything’s okay. I got you.”
I nod, hating that my heart is racing and I’m mildly nauseated.
“If it isn’t the little lovebirds,” Cal says snidely as he and Derek sidle up to us.
“Go to hell, asshole.” The words leave my mouth on autopilot. I know there are smarter things I should say to him, questions I should ask, but my mind goes blank. The only coherent thought I have is how grateful I am that I’m with Ben.
Cal feigns sadness. “Is that any way to greet me after all those orgasms I gave you? After I plowed you week after week? I’m a hot commodity, you know. I didn’t have to fuck you.”
God, I hate him so much.
Derek shakes his head and tries to grab Cal, but he shrugs him off.
Ben’s jaw is granite when he steps up to Cal. They’re nose to nose when he grits out, “Motherfucker, say one more word about her, and I’ll kick your ass again.”
Cal smirks. “Bet I can guess her favorite position.”
Mortified, I tug on Ben’s shirt because the last thing he needs is to fight Cal.
“Assholes, this is stupid,” Derek says. “Coach will kick you off the team if y’all brawl out in public.”
“Let’s go.” Cal takes a step back but opens his arms wide. “Right here. Right now. Winner gets to ride Sienna.”
Ben strikes so fast, I barely see it. I basically blink, and Ben has him pinned to the brick wall of the restaurant with his arm pressed to Cal’s throat.
“I’m gonna tell you one last time, you dumb asshole. Leave her. The hell. Alone.”
All of a sudden, I realize that people in the takeout line are watching them. One has his phone out. I grab Ben’s arm and try to yank him back. “Let’s go. Before you get in trouble.”
When Ben shoves off him, Cal yells, “Fucker, you have no idea who you’re messing with.”
Derek ignores him and snipes at the bystander who seems to be recording. “You post that shit and our season is over. Is that what you want?”
Since the town is fanatical about the team, he has a decent shot of getting that person to heed his warning.
Derek drags Cal away, and Ben and I skip the burgers and head home.
He’s deathly silent on the drive. When we get back to the house, he pays Magnolia and checks on Lily, who’s in bed.
I rub my arms because I’m freezing and my hands won’t stop shaking.
When he emerges from Lily’s room, he pulls me to his chest. “It’s the adrenaline.”
“What?”
“The adrenaline. Why you’re shaking.”
I nod against him, hating how choked up I feel. There I was, trying to break down whatever strange barriers Ben’s been putting up lately, and Cal goes and ruins everything. I can’t imagine what Ben must think about me now. I’d lose it if Janelle talked about Ben that way.
“Hey,” he whispers. “Are you okay?”
His hand runs up and down my back, and I shrug. “I just don’t understand how Cal could be such an asshole. He cheated on me, not the other way around, and then he has the nerve to say those horrible things. I sorta hate myself for dating him. I had no idea he was like this.”