She looked at Wynnie, who for years had been like a second mother to her, and she got choked up again, but she refused to let that stop her. “I want you to know how special he is and how sorry I am for the way I treated him and for avoiding your family for so long. It wasn’t fair to any of us, and I’ll never do that again.”
“That’s okay, honey,” Wynnie said compassionately. “We all love you.”
Billie nodded, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. “I’m really trying to forgive myself and move forward, but there are two things I need to do. I want to go see Eddie’s parents. I owe them an apology for how I’ve acted, too. Do you think it’s okay if I do that? I don’t want to cause the Bakers any more grief.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” her mother said. “I think it’s a wonderful idea. Mary asks about you every time we see her. Would you like me to go with you?”
Billie shook her head. “I think I have to do this myself.”
“I agree with your mom. It’s a wonderful idea,” Wynnie said. “But you might want to reconsider your mom’s offer or think about asking Dare to go with you. I have a feeling the visit might be tougher than you imagine.”
“I deserve tough,” Billie said softly.
“No, honey, you don’t,” her mother said. “You’ve had it tough enough for long enough.”
Billie swiped at the tears that were spilling down her cheeks. So much for holding in her emotions.
Her mother got up and grabbed a stack of napkins from the other table, putting it between them and handing her some.
“Thanks, Mom.” She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. “The other thing I wanted to tell you is what happened the day Eddie died.” She let it all out, telling them everything, from the reason she’d accepted the proposal to the last thing he’d said to her before he’d gotten on that bike. With every word, Billie felt more pieces of her sorrow and guilt chipping away. They listened intently, asking questions, hugging her, crying with her, for her, for Eddie and Dare, and all that the three of them had lost, and then they reassured her in all the ways her father and Dare had.
They dried their tears, sitting quietly for a few minutes, and in the silence, Billie’s body became heavy. She’d thought she’d feel lighter, but she felt like if she closed her eyes, she could sleep for a week.
“I’m so glad you told us,” her mother said. “It makes me sad that you’ve held it in for so long, but now we understand what you were going through.”
“Do you feel better now that we know?” Wynnie asked.
“Yes, but I feel like I just ran a marathon.”
Her mother took her hand. “You did, sweetheart. The longest marathon ever run.”
“And I have more to go, with Eddie’s parents.” She sighed.
“Maybe you should give yourself a few days before you do that,” Wynnie suggested.
“I will. I have Tuesday night off. I’m thinking of going while Dare’s at church.”
“I’m taking Bobbie’s shift Tuesday night, because she has a date,” her mother said. “But if you decide you want me to go with you, let me know and I’ll get someone to cover for me.”
“Bobbie has a date? She didn’t mention it to me.” For some reason, that bothered her like it never had before.
“You’ve been a bit preoccupied with your own special someone,” her mother pointed out.
“I have, but it’s time to make more of an effort with everyone.”
DARE SAW KENNY saddling up horses with Cowboy near the hay barn and headed in that direction. When they were kids, before Doc and Cowboy had outgrown doing fun shit, the three of them had driven their parents crazy racing through the barns and over the hay bales. A couple of years before Doc went away to college, they began using the wooden beams that ran along the ceiling of the barn like monkey bars, racing across them. They came home so often with hands full of cuts and splinters, their father had installed short poles with handgrips on all the beams so they could hang from them, and they’d dubbed the hay barn the monkey bars barn.
His brothers had gotten so serious, that seemed like a lifetime ago. He missed those times with them sometimes almost as much as he’d missed hanging out with Billie.
Cowboy looked over as Dare approached and lifted his chin in greeting. He’d been teaching Kenny to ride horses, and in Kenny’s spare time, if he wasn’t practicing with Billie, he could be found in the barns, helping with grooming, tack, or whatever else needed to be done, or hanging out with Sasha while she worked with the rescue horses. He’d come a long way from the boy who hated the smell of horses and was afraid of them. He’d even started wearing the cowboy hat Wynnie had given him. Kenny looked up from beneath the brim, his eyes no longer shadowed with anger, a smile playing on his lips. It was a damn good sight. He’d gained a little weight, too. The kid had started eating like there was no tomorrow, and in his jeans, cowboy boots—also a gift from Wynnie—and T-shirt, he fit right in.
“Hi, Dare,” Kenny said.
“Hey, buddy.” Dare glanced at Cowboy. “What’s going on?”
“We’re going on Kenny’s first trail ride,” Cowboy answered. “I’m taking him out to Blackfoot.”
“That’s great. Mind if I borrow him for a minute first?”
“Sure.” Cowboy took the saddle from Kenny.
Kenny looked him in the eye as he led him away from Cowboy. “What’s up?”
“I’ve got something for you.” Dare reached into his pocket and pulled out Kenny’s phone, handing it to him.
“What’s this for?”
“I think people use it to communicate,” Dare teased.
Kenny gave him a no shit look. “I get to use it?”
Dare nodded. “Sure can.”
“For how long?”
“It’s yours, buddy. However long you want. I’m real proud of the work you’ve been doing here, and I don’t mean just physical labor.”
Kenny smiled bashfully and lowered his eyes, but quickly met Dare’s gaze again. “Thank you.”
Dare nodded but said, “You should thank yourself. You did the hard work. How would you feel about helping some little kids out with Cowboy at Festival on the Green? It’s a few weeks away, but we’re lining up our men for their jobs, and I’d like to count you in.”
He grinned proudly. “What can I do?”
“Cowboy’s going to be giving pony rides. He needs someone to help with the ponies and keep the kids from climbing on the corral. He may have you walk the horses around the corral with the kids on them. But you’d have to be really careful and go slow.”
“I can do that,” he said excitedly.
“And you can’t curse.”
He shrugged. “I’m not allowed to curse around girls or your mom anyway. I want to do it.”
“Do you want to think about it for a day or two?”
“No. I love working with the horses, and Cowboy is almost as cool as you.”
Dare chuckled. “A’right, cool. I’ll make it happen. I also think it’s time to schedule a meeting with your parents and try to mend those fences. How would you feel about that?”