“I was thinking about the time you all told me I was going to be the next president,” I admit. “I remember feeling like it was a warning.”
“It was,” Sin replies, smirking. “Being president isn’t for the faint of heart. We wanted to make sure that we were making the right decision.”
“And did you?”
He takes a swig of the beer before answering. “I think so, but only time will tell. Are you regretting the decision?”
I shake my head. “No...but I feel like I’m already making sacrifices and I’m not even officially president yet.”
“Ah... Cara?”
I give a stiff nod.
“Have you spoken to her yet?”
I shake my head.
“You should. The two of you have a bond, and you need to repair it, even if its form has changed. She’ll forgive you eventually.”
“I know.”
And I will.
When I’m ready.
* * *
“How have you been?” Dad asks, sipping on his whiskey. He found me at my go-to bar, and I know he just wants to see where I’m at mentally right now. Sin must’ve said something to him.
“I’m okay,” I lie.
The truth is, I’m struggling.
I’ve never experienced the gut-wrenching pain from a breakup before. Cara has been my only committed relationship, and although I’ve had plenty of other women, she’s the only one I have ever called mine. The pain from losing her, even if it was my own choices that led to that decision, is more than I could have imagined.
I think the hardest part of it all is that she was more than just my lover—she was my best friend. And although we promised to try to maintain that friendship, I know things will never be the same.
And that’s on me and my decision not to tell her the truth and give her a choice.
I can only blame my damn self.
And no amount of alcohol and women is making it better, and trust me, I have tried. I’ve been spending my newfound single status fucking any woman who wants to, and drinking as much as I can. I know that the Wind Dragons are unimpressed with me. I’m supposed to be taking over and leading a new generation of Wind Dragons, letting the older, OG men retire. Yet here I am, partying and fucking and forgetting my responsibilities, the same ones I let go of Cara for. How fucking ironic. But Cara was my home, and now I’m homeless.
I rub my chest, over my heart, like I can physically feel the damage I’ve done to my vital organ.
But you know what? Cara deserves more. She deserves someone who comes home to her every night, someone who can make her his number one priority. Someone who can give her the life that she wants.
She deserves everything I can’t give her.
She might have grown up in this life, but that doesn’t mean that’s what she wants her future to be.
I’ve contemplated going after her mºs, begging for her to take me back, but she’s happy now, and I’m not going to be selfish. This all happened for a reason, and I know it will be the right one for both of us.
I see the way she looks at Decker; it’s the way she used to look at me. A mix of awe, admiration and unconditional love.
I pick up another shot of tequila and let it roll down my throat. The thought of her with another man still makes me want to punch something. But this is my new reality, and I need to accept it and be happy for her.
It’s just a little harder than I had imagined it would be.
“It’s been three months, Rhett,” my father says from beside me. Technically Talon is my stepfather, but just like Cara, I was adopted into the Wind Dragons family when my mom, Tia, fell in love with a biker. Talon was actually the president of another MC before leaving and joining the Wind Dragons. Unlike Cara, though, I’ve always known this was my world, and instead of stepping away from it, I’ve only fallen deeper.
He rests his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “You need to focus if you still want to take over from Arrow. Everyone is watching you.”
“I know,” I admit, nodding in agreement. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be ready.”
I don’t even sound that sure to my own ears. I knew losing her was going to hurt, but I didn’t know it was going to fuck me up this badly.
“I know you loved Cara, son, but it’s time to move forward now.”
Loved.
Past tense.
I guess that’s how we’re all going to be speaking about her now.
“Sometimes your first love isn’t the person you are meant to be with. That doesn’t mean there isn’t someone out there for you,” he says, taking a sip of his own drink and placing the glass back down. “Your soul mate is still out there. But right now, you have other things you need to be focused on.”
“How do you know she wasn’t my soul mate and that I just fucked it up?” I ask, jaw tensing.
“If she was, she wouldn’t have fallen in love with another man so soon,” he says bluntly, wincing as he delivers that blow. “Sorry, son, but it’s true.”
That hurts more than getting physically hit.
“I know you both loved each other, but things don’t always work out, Rhett. Life throws you all kinds of curveballs. You need to accept it for what is it and move on. We all love Cara, but you cheated on her. You made your choice, and now she has made hers, and you need to respect that.”
“I have accepted it, otherwise I’d be at her house banging on the door begging for her to take me back.”
“Okay, good. Prez has a meeting tomorrow, and he wants you to be there.”
“I’ll be there,” I promise. Likely hungover, but I’ll still be there.
“Okay,” he murmurs, studying me for a few seconds. “Your mom is worried about you.”
“I’ll come see her tomorrow, too.”
He nods and then leaves the bar, letting me return to my pity party. I order another drink and scan the crowd, a pretty brunette catching my eye. A simple smile and she makes her way over to me.
Maybe this is my life now—meaningless sex and alcohol on repeat.
Anything that distracts me.
I buy her a drink, finish mine, and then she takes me back to her house.
And the most fucked-up thing? When I come, I mouth a name that’s not hers.
* * *
“Looks like I arrived just in time,” I say in greeting, taking solace in my mom’s warm embrace.