“No.” I shook my head. “Just tired.” Because I hadn’t slept in the last two nights. The heaviness in my chest, the acid in my stomach, the restlessness in my limbs wouldn’t go away. It clung to me like a ghost, trailing me around everywhere I went. I was afraid it would never go away because I wasn’t willing to admit why.
“O-kay.” Marcie grabbed a tea from the fridge, looking at the fries I left untouched in front of me.
“All yours.” I pushed them toward her, flopping back in my chair.
“You sure?”
“Yes.” Nothing tasted good. It was all lifeless and bland.
“I mean, my mama taught me not to waste food. It’s wrong. So, I’ll do you a favor here.” She yanked them to her, gobbling up two.
“Appreciate it.” I pulled my knees into me, my fingers playing with the label on my drink.
“Spill it. What’s going on?” Marcie dipped the fries in ketchup, her fingers wiggling at me like start talking.
“Nothing. I’m tired. Didn’t sleep last night.”
“Didn’t sleep because a man from the past is keeping you up, or a new one?”
“Both.”
Marcie’s eyes bulged. “What?”
Oh shit.
“No! No!” I shook my head. “There’s no new man.”
“Because I was thinking, unless you slipped out with one of those hotties at the bar…” She pointed a red nail at me. “Because FYI, I did.”
“What?” My mouth opened in awe. “Which one?”
“The tall blond one.” She hummed under her breath. “You know I enjoy a little vanilla in my cup.”
Laughter broke out from me. “Oh my god. I love you.” I wagged my head. “Can I be you when I grow up?”
“The world couldn’t handle another me.” She batted her hand. “Now tell me, what’s going on?”
Reclining back, I brushed my hair off my face, retying it into a ponytail. “I don’t know. I’m in this weird place. It feels as if I’m having a mid-life crisis or something.”
“Ready to let him go, but actually too scared to let him go, the in-between place,” she said, mentioning something that had been sitting on my chest. “I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.”
Because Ben and I didn’t break up, I couldn’t contact him or try to have closure. He died. There was no closure.
I nodded, pressing my lips together. “Also, just thinking about what I used to want to do with my life, you know, before responsibility came in and screwed it all up.”
“You mean the dream I had of marrying some Saudi prince who lavishes me in jewels and riches, and he bestows on me a hundred young shirtless men at my beck and call?”
“Yes, exactly like that.” I snorted.
“So, you are a mini-me.” She popped another fry into her mouth with a grin.
“I don’t know. I used to want to be more. Not that this isn’t a great job. And maybe it’s why it’s so easy to stay and not push myself. This is safe, comfortable, and gives me good pay and benefits.”
“And kids who bite your fingers, kick, and spit in your face,” she added.
Billy actually threw up on me last time. His gag reflex was oversensitive.
“I wanted to open an animal adoption place.”
“Sounds like hell to me, but if it’s what you want, then do it.”
“You make it sound so easy.” And I actually didn’t know if I wanted to run one anymore. The pressure of carrying a business didn’t sound as appealing as it used to. I still wanted to travel. Something Ben and I never got to do.
“And you are making it too difficult.” She leaned over, patting my hands. “As you had to brutally learn, you have one life to live. Don’t waste it because of fear. When you look back one day, you always regret what you didn’t do, not what you did.” She stood up, wiping her hands off on a napkin. “That’s why I will be dipping into the vanilla sugar tonight. Hmmm-hmmm.” She wiggled. “He got me to Jesus-land. Several times.”
I pressed my forehead to my knees, giggling as Marcie pumped her hands up at the ceiling in gratitude, strolling out of the breakroom.
Her words continued to loop in my head, making me feel courageous. Pulling out my phone, I typed in ‘animal shelter,’ bringing up the local one. It was a few blocks down Main and up a side street.
I could at least walk past it on my way home.
“Looks as if Goose found a friend.” A tiny-framed, older woman in a shelter apron smiled down at me. My fingers slid through the thick, husky coat, the dog’s tongue licking my hand through the bars. Joy curled my mouth seeing a hold sign pinned to his cage, telling me he was being adopted.
“He’s a sweetie.” I scratched him behind his ear.
“Nick told me you are looking to volunteer?” She motioned back to the guy at the front desk. “I’m Anita, by the way.”
“Emery.” I stood up, shaking her hand. “I used to work at a shelter a long time ago. Things came up, but now…” I tapered off. My husband was deathly allergic, so I couldn’t, but now he’s dead, so I really don’t have a reason anymore.
“Great. It’s always so much easier if you already had some experience.” Anita motioned me to follow, her tiny frame moving quickly to a desk, handing me a clipboard with papers to fill out. “You can fill out these, and we can start the process. You will need to do training, and we require a weekly commitment. A two-hour shift for six consecutive months.
“I can do that.” I took the clipboard, settling down in a chair.
“You’ll be able to start right away?” Anita asked. “It gets crazy during the holidays, and it would be nice to have you all trained and ready to go.”
“Absolutely.”
Anita smiled. “I think you’ll fit in great here. Glad you came in.”
I took a beat, a genuine smile forming on my lips.
“Me too.”
“Aunt Emery, I have nothing clean to wear.” Addison stomped into the kitchen, where I was trying to actually put a meal together, my good mood earlier giving me some belief I could suddenly become a chef too. “My uniform is filthy, and I’m running out of underwear. We need to fix the washing machine.”
“I put a call in. They can’t fit me in until next week.”
“How about buying a new one? You can order them online and have them delivered.”
Yeah. I should. It was time, but for some reason I hadn’t gotten around to it.
“At least let me text Mason.” I stiffened at the mention of his name, my attention staying on the hamburger patties I was making. “See if he can get it working until we replace it. Seriously, I need my uniform washed before tomorrow.”
“We can’t call him whenever something breaks.” I huffed, shaping the hamburger patties.
“Why not?” Her fingers were already flying over her cell. “Plus, I kind of want a reason to see him.”
“Oh?” Neutral. Didn’t care.
“He’s been really standoffish since the night he stayed here. I haven’t seen him at football practice all week.”