“Why?” She grunted, pulling herself up the steps. “This one still works fine.” She paused halfway up, her hand going to her chest, taking a deep breath.
“You okay?”
“Of course.” She nodded, waving me off, going back inside the house.
Falling back against the workbench with a deep breath, I rubbed at the back of my neck. She was right. I needed to find the thing that made me happy. Right now, I was numbly going through my days, as if I were waiting.
Life didn’t wait; it kept moving. You had to decide to interact with it or not.
Finding what gave me direction still seemed intangible. I liked working out, restoring cars, and fixing things, but I can’t say any of it made me want to get up in the morning. Football had lost its luster when I stopped playing.
So, what did make me happy?
Movement on the sidewalk across the street drew my eyes up, the fading sun behind the house making it hard to see specific features.
But I knew.
A million miles away, and I swear I would be able to sense her, feel her, experience the pull that perked up my body in awareness.
Wearing the animal shelter apron, her hair in a ponytail, she walked a handful of dogs down the street. She didn’t look over, but somehow, I knew she knew I was there, and every bit of her was as aware of my presence as I was of hers.
She strolled away, and all I could do was watch her from afar.
Feeling as if my joy just walked by.
Chapter 17
Emery
“Addison, are you ready yet?” Harper called to her daughter from the living room sofa.
“Almost!” Addy’s voice cried back.
“Fucksake, she’s going back to a house full of her clothes, and she’s still packing like she’ll be in the middle of nowhere for a month.” My sister brushed back her blonde hair.
“Well, it gives me time with you.” I sipped at my wine, squeezing my sister’s hand. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” Harper replied. “It’s not the same without you there. I miss being able to run over and say hi. Actually, a few times I found my car headed for your house when I’d remember.”
My house. The one I shared with Ben.
My gaze stared off at the Christmas tree in the corner of the room. The fireplace was going, a Christmas movie playing on the TV, and my life with Ben was starting to feel further and further away from me. The house we had lived in was no longer my home.
“Do I need my heavy jacket?” Addison yelled from her bedroom.
“Addy, we’re four hours away. To a place you have grown up all your life.” Harper blew out, shaking her head. “Did I forget teenagers were brain-dead?”
I laughed, snuggling into my couch.
It was Christmas break, and Harper was taking Addison back to spend the vacation with her. I never minded the quiet before, but my stomach pitched a bit at the thought of not having Addison around. Her constant chatter and noise distracted my mind from wandering too far away.
Like down the street.
She talked about Mason, but the crush seemed to have waned a bit with his absence. She still got a faraway look when he was brought up, probably getting giggly when she ran into him at school. Thankfully, he took my request to heart. He stayed away from this house and me, and he also kept a wide berth with Addison too. She talked to Mateo all the time, though she claimed they were only friends.
“Can I say again how appreciative I am? What you’ve done for Addy?” Harper glanced toward her daughter. “She’s so happy. Thriving. She showed me she got Bs on her mid-terms.”
“She’s doing really well. Cheerleading helps. They have to keep a certain GPA, and Addy loves it too much not to make it a priority.”
“Why do I feel like I failed?” Harper blinked, her eyes watering. “That I suck as a parent.”
“No.” I grabbed Harper’s hand. “You are a great mom. You are so selfless that instead of keeping her with you, you did what was right for her.” I tilted my head with compassion. “Harp, she needed to get away from Joe. From all the bullshit he was putting you guys through.”
“Another fail on my part. I should never have stayed with him so long. I knew… but I was too scared to leave. Thinking things would be worse if I were alone when in truth, it was worse staying with him.”
Really looking at my sister, I could see the change in her. The growth she was forced to do in this time.
“We’re human beings. We’re going to try and fail, and sometimes fall. You did the best for Addison. And look at her.” I motioned back to the girl darting back and forth between her room and bathroom. “She is better. You are better, and I think this time away will help your relationship with her.”
Harper laid her head back on a cushion, trying not to cry. “Thank you.”
“Honestly, I think Addison being here has helped me heal. I don’t think I’d be in the same place without her.”
“You look happier.” She nodded in agreement. “Speaking of that, is there anyone special putting that smile on your face?”
It was instant, no choice, my brain going straight to him as if it were programmed. Followed by instant shame.
“Uh… no… not really.” I shifted in my seat, clasping my glass harder. “Dr. Ramirez at my office keeps expressing interest.”
“Oh.” Harper’s eyes lit up. “And do you call him Dr. Ramirez?” Her voice went into this sexy talk. “Oh, Dr. Ramirez, what a big drill you have.”
“Stop it!” I hit my sister’s arm. “Ugh.”
“What’s his name?”
“Daniel.”
“Daniel Ramirez. He sounds hot.”
“He’s cute. Sweet. Very nice guy.”
Harper’s lids narrowed. “At one time, that would be an endorsement for him. Why do I feel it’s a negative this time?”
I shrugged. “He’s not the kind of man who will push me up against my dryer and fuck the shit out of me.” I took a huge gulp of wine, trying to dislodge the image, heat and fear coursing through me, afraid I was giving myself away.
Harper’s eyes popped, her mouth dropping open, not used to hearing me talk like that.
“What about you?” I turned the conversation around on her, not wanting her to dig any deeper because I felt it was right there for all to pick up and see. “Weren’t you seeing someone when we left? Is it still going?”
Harper’s cheeks pinked. “Actually, yes.”
“Holy shit, did you actually blush?” I exclaimed.
“Shhhh.” She peered back where Addy’s room was. “We’re trying to keep it casual. Day by day. He recently got out of something, and so have I, but…”
“You really like him.”
She nodded vigorously.
“There’s something else.” She bit on her nail.
“What?” I slanted my head, feeling defensive.
“I didn’t really want to tell you because it might bring up bad memories, but…”
“What?”
“Kevin is a policeman. Officer Bentley.”
“Why does he sound familiar?” Though my brain could not recall why it did.