“No, you’ve fought like hell for it, mainly against yourself. That’s why I don’t understand. After all that, you’re giving up now?”
“He has my husband’s heart!” I cried out. “How can I possibly get over that?”
“Yes, it is some crappy made-for-TV-movie shit right there. Or possibly a horror flick.” She picked up her fork, licking it. “Dead husband takes over the body of her new lover, pretending to be her new beau as he stalks and kills her… called, The Haunted Heart, or,” she chirped, “The Killer Heart. Nah, that’s to on the nose.”
“Marcie.” I palmed my face, my mouth twitching with a laugh. “You are seriously sick.”
“That’s why you love me.” She bit down on her macaroni.
“This is not funny.”
“Maybe not, but if anyone needs to laugh, it’s you.” Marcie jabbed her fork in my direction. “Come out for drinks tonight.”
It was the office cocktail night.
“No.” I shook my head.
“Actually, you don’t have a choice.” She stood up, taking her garbage to the bin. “Just for one hour at least. Then you can run home and hide under your blankie.”
“Marcie.”
“I will come get your ass if I have to, Emery.” She gave me the look that said not to test her. “Two hours, that’s all.”
“You said one!”
“It will keep going up the longer you fight me,” she threatened like I was a kid about to get a whooping. “See you at six thirty.”
“Yeah.” I huffed, feeling like a brooding teen.
When you felt dead inside, the last thing you wanted to be around was cheerful people. It reflected what you didn’t have.
Happiness.
Happy hour was in full swing by the time I stepped in. It took a lot of encouragement and blatant threats from Marcie to finally get me dressed and out.
“Fifty-nine minutes left,” I muttered to her the moment she came to pull me further into the pub.
“You have 119 minutes left,” she stated. “Remember, it went up to two hours.”
“I hate you.”
“I’m okay with that.” She looped her arm in mine, heading us straight for the bar. “Two margaritas,” she said to the bartender.
The music was loud, and the bar was packed, everyone feeling spring was officially in the air. My gaze ran over the room, spotting most of the people I worked with. Daniel was chatting with the newest hire, a sweet girl named Molly, who worked the front desk. I watched her laugh at something he said, her hand touching his arm. He chuckled, leaning in closer, their body language pointed toward each other as if no one else existed. I had no idea if they were just being friendly or something might be kindling, but there was no doubt she was who Daniel deserved. Someone who didn’t see anyone else but him.
“Here you go.” Marcie handed me a drink, peering out at the full bar. “Guess you can be my wing woman. Ohhh, he’s hot. He and his friend are both staring over here.”
“What about vanilla cup Tim?”
“Oh, we ended it. It was fun, but it ran its course.” She shrugged, already wiggling her fingers in hello at the new prospects. “No big deal.”
No. Big. Deal.
No heartache or misery. No pining or an ache so deep, she could no longer breathe. No being curled up in the fetal position staring blankly at her walls for days. Feeling gutted and empty.
Just over. Simple. Clean. No hard feelings.
What Mason and I were supposed to be. What we agreed on, but we never were.
I missed him so much. I felt adrift. Dull and heavy. Nothing had meaning. Nothing felt right. My chest constantly hurt, making it hard to breathe.
Like missing a piece of my soul.
The loss of Ben was horrific, but the loss of Mason…
“Oh my god,” I whispered, realization hitting me.
“Oh, their coming over!” Marcie muttered over to me, flattening down her hair.
The two nice-looking guys nodded at us, heading our way. A strange panic ruffled up my spine, urging me to run. They held no interest to me. Not one bit.
All I wanted was him. All I ever wanted was him.
Mason James.
“I can’t be here.” I sucked in, understanding crashing over me in waves, waking me out of my numbness, like I was woken from a coma.
“What?” Marcie swiveled to me. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to meet anyone else.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tonight.”
“No.” I shook my head, my eyes burning. “You don’t get it. I don’t see Ben.” I knew it came out wrong, my head jumbled. “I see him. I want him.” His laugh, his smile, his voice, his soul. I heaved in and out. “I’m in love with Mason.” The need to be with him roared through me like he was calling me to him.
“Yeah.” She grinned. “You’re now figuring that out?”
I shoved my drink at her. “I’ve got to go.”
“Oh, girl, finally.” Her hands full she flicked her head at me. “Go get your man!”
I shoved past the guys heading for us, running out of the bar and to my car. Every light seemed against me, a panic fluttering between my ribs as I grew more and more desperate to get to him. It seemed like hours before I skidded my car in front of his house, climbing out. My stomach wobbled when I noticed the garage door was open.
He was here.
I strode into the garage, gulping back at seeing him again. His tall, broad frame bent over the car. His dark hair was messy. He looked so hot. Everything about him made me come back to life; I could finally exhale. “Mason?”
He jerked up, his eyes taking me in. “Emery?” He stood up, his throat bobbing. “What are you doing here?”
“I was out tonight.” I stepped further in, nerves taking over my voice as butterflies banged against my rib cage. “Some guys approached us. And I realized I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to meet anyone.”
He slammed down the hood, turning away from me. “Thanks for letting me know.”
“What I mean is…” I was messing this all up. “All I could think about was you.”
His shoulders strained, his head bowing.
“All I want is you.”
He inhaled, his voice low and thick. “I can’t keep doing this with you.” He slowly circled to face me. “Tell me, what changed from a month ago? When I was the one begging for you to talk to me? You kicked me out. Wanted nothing to do with me.”
“Jesus, Mason, I needed to process everything.” I took another step closer. “Finding you have Ben’s heart is not easy to accept. I’m still struggling with it.”
“And you don’t think it’s hard for me?” he gritted. “It didn’t absolutely destroy me? That the worst thing about that day was finding out my donor’s wife was the same woman I was sleeping with? And the fact when you looked at me, you didn’t see me anymore.”
Biting my lip, I dipped my head. “I didn’t know how to handle it. I’m sorry.”
“I won’t live in his shadow,” he growled, the power behind his voice mounting. “Knowing every time you look at me, you see him. Want him. It will kill me far more, knowing the woman I’m so fucking in love with secretly wishes I was someone else.” He lashed out at me. “I will not settle for second best.”